Should I ask my parents to contribute to our wedding?

Question

We really don't have much money and my partners mother is going to help us out alot (her choice) even though she hasn't much money, my parents have loads more but are quite stingy, should I ask them to help out and how much should I hope thy contribute?

Answer 1

Congratulations on your forthcoming wedding.
I would ask them...it's not fair on your future mother in law to be providing so much, when she can least afford it.
Be nice, and try to explain it to them as gently as possible.
Good luck. xXx

Answer 2

Very delicate situation. Long long ago tradition was the bride's family paid for everything according to their means. They also dictated everything. Times change everything and the fact that your partner's mother is going to assist is very nice (she may not be as poor as she let's others think but doesn't want anyone to know that she has any funds). It would be insensitive as well as inappropriate to either tell your parents about the assistance or even ask them to help out & contribute as well. They might just surprise you and give you a nice cheque but if you ask for assistance they could change their mind but you know your parents and how they would react. You think your parents have 'loads' more? You could be quite wrong about that as they could be very proud people who don't plead poverty & would rather the world thought them well off. If you and your partner have made wedding plans that you cannot afford perhaps you should reconsidered your plans and you have tons of options there. Whatever, the outcome, as long as you are happy and your families are going to be there to support you it sounds like a great start to your future.

Answer 3

You know your parents better than anyone else. You said they are stingy w/ their money but haven't said anything about how they feel about your marriage plans or your mate. If they haven't offered a clue about their attitude toward the situation, you'd be best not to ask for financial help outright. But perhaps they could help out by playing host for a rehearsal dinner or something else?

Bottom line is if you are having trouble finding the money for your wedding plans, maybe you need to think more realistically about what you CAN afford. If you're on good terms w/ your parents, ask their advice about what you have planned for the wedding & related events - this may be the best approach to indirectly "asking" for financial support. If anything else, it will give them the opportunity to offer help instead of you asking for it out right. And you never know, as someone else commented, they MAY be planning to share the wealth through a wedding gift, etc.

Answer 4

If they wanted to contribute they would have already offered. Maybe they are opting to give you a big wedding gift instead of paying for some of the wedding. You could simply ask them if they plan on helping with the wedding but asking for a certain amount is going too far. They might not have as much money as you think they do or they feel you should do it on your own.

Answer 5

congrats yo yo to you and your intended, first of all you need to sit down and look at your budget without handouts from anyone, make plans within that budget, forget about the big statement wedding and concentrate on the realities of life, where are you going to live? you will need any spare cash you can get to make a start in securing your future, the wedding is one day only. this is what we done, we could only afford 2 guests and that's what we had, we were poor at the time and we refused the money from both sets of parents, i could not take any of their savings, 18 years later were just as married and very happy, the fact that her mother wants to spend what little she has saved over the years for her future and your both happy to let her, like your not responsible? then your attitude towards your own parents being mean? theirs more to that than meets the eye too, what a disrespectful attitude you have towards them, you dint respect them but you will take their money? i don't know what age you are, but you have a lot of growing up to do, theirs more to marriage than ticking the boxes, i am in disagreement with you, but i wish you both the very best.

Answer 6

I don't think you should ask them. I don' think children should expect that from parents in this day and age, where most poeple haved moved out of home and are working full time. There seems to be this idea, that because we are their children we are therfore entitled to their money, which is just not true - they have earned it and should be able to do with it as they please.

Having said that, I think parents who don't at least offer are jerks....

Having a beautiful wedding on a budget is possible, there are so many websites dedicated to that very topic - see what you can find!

Answer 7

Yes ask them.......sit down before and work out how much things r going to cost then go to them with ur plan and say we need help can you pay for this, if they say no i would reply with in that case we can't afford it so we'll have a wedding with just the 2 of us, can't even afford to invite them.....bluff them.......see what happens.... but i always believe parents should help pay towards the wedding if they have money, that is just my opinion though
Good Luck with ur wedding honey
x

Answer 8

An awful lot of the reasons for vast sums of money being spent on weddings is due to social/historical expectation. Ironically, it is my experience that those who are most into that 'expectation' , also 'buy in' to the 'brides parents must pay' maxim..... again I repeat 'my experience' - no judgement on the population in general.
So.. do your parents expect a big do? - would they get the jitters if their Auntie Agnis (insert name that suits) was not invited due to constriction of funds? - Maybe these sort of questions may help to gain perspective.

Hey - kids u love each other .... Nowadays that's as rare as a blue diamond .... and deserves a higher value - but NOT in common lucre.... All the Best from this old romantic!!!!

Answer 9

No. If you can't afford the wedding you want, you shouldn't be planning such an event. Just because his mom wants to throw in some cash doesn't mean your parents have to do the same. Your parents may be more careful with their money and maybe it means you won't have to worry about THEM in 20 years but may need to support his mom! If his mother has offered to help out, then she must know more about your plans than your family! It is more mature and resopnsible to sit down with both sets of parents - or just your own if they aren't all close to each other - and discuss the wedding in full. What you want, what you can afford, how you could scale down if necessary. You do NOT blackmail your folks by saying the mom-in-law is paying for such-and-such! You simply talk about the wedding in full and then shut up. If your parents see a well-thought-out plan and a responsible couple, it is up to THEM to volunteer to pay for the cake, or for your church, or for your bar. They may be sitting back, seeing how mature you are, and then saving a nice cash gift for you to start your life. A modest wedding with no debts and maybe a home of your own in a year or two is much smarter than a big lavish whoop-ti-do, a pile of debts, and the need to delay a family for years just because of the party!! You said it yourself - YOU don't have much money. It is YOUR wedding so plan/pay accordingly and stop expecting your folks to cater to your big fantasies.

Answer 10

You shouldn't really have to ask, they should be offering, but these days people tend to pay for their own weddings...so they are properly assuming you wil do the same. I think all you can do is mention that your partners mother has contributed in some way and see what happens.....

Answer 11

Yes, i think you should ask your parents for help, that is the least they can do, i thought parents do help towards their kids wedding. I am quite surprised you haven't asked, really if your parents know you are getting married, then they should have offered in the first place. Pluck up the courage and ask.. Good luck