Mother In-Laws how do you deal with them????

Question

Im so enraged right now its not even funny less than 30 mins ago I just got this hate later from my fiances mother. This woman is a witch and shes is so mad about the fact that me and my fiance are moving to NC at the end of the month. shes telling me that my son and me will never be considered family amoung other things. I dont know what to do. Do I go over there and whip her 500lbs butt ( she really does weigh that ) or do I just let it go and just pretend that she dont even exsist I really need help with this one I cant live my life with her making it hell on earth HELP!!!!!!

Answer 1

People are like used cars. You can't order a new one with the exact options you want with nothing added that you don't want.

Your fiancé has baggage, just as you have baggage. Those bags come in the form of accessories you would never order if you were getting a new mate. Unfortunately sometimes that baggage takes human form. It can be a mother-in-law from heII, a child that will never accept you, old girl or boy friends or just the damage done by old girl or boy friends. You should talk to my wife about her Vietnam Vet husband.

It seems your fiancé has an option you don't want; his mother. If you considered buying a used car that came with a cigar lighter and you didn't smoke, would you decline an otherwise perfect automobile, would you rip the lighter from the dash and throw it into a nearby body of water leaving an empty hole in the dash or would you simply not acknowledge or use the item? It would be foolish to discard it and perhaps even more foolish to decline the purchase. In all probability you would simply ignore it while you enjoyed an otherwise perfect car.

So you must decide, is your fiancé worth the effort? Are you ready and able to ignore this mother-in-law form Goodyear Blimps Inc. or heII as the case may be?

Don't beat her @$$ even though it sounds inviting. All that will do is get you locked up for a while. I recommend you ignore the wench and when that becomes impossible think about your old man and how he turned out good in spite of his mother.

Cheers and Merry Christmas from a 60 year old guy ready to celebrate his 37th anniversary. My mother-in-law is not from heII but she sure isn't heaven sent either. And she is still with us, over 80 and in reasonably good health.

Answer 2

You ignore her and get on with your life.
You married for "better or worse" - your husband is the better, tough luck that Mum in law is the worse.
I'm in the UK, my daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren are in the Middle East where he works; I'd love to see the kids more often than once a year, but that's the way the cookie crumbles. Us Mum-in-laws just have to be happy that our kids have found someone they want to be with, close or the other side of the World.
Her anger is probably the result of the thought of losing her son - a bereavement reaction - and possibly the thought that she may never see him again. If I live as long as my Mum, I have only 2 years left, which means I will see my family only once or twice more; it worries and frightens me. Maybe Mum in Law is a worried and frightened woman too.
You can live your life and if you are living at a distance there is little she can do to upset it. Don't let it upset you now - get that packing done! Look forward - life is like a toilet roll, the nearer the end you get, the faster it goes.

Answer 3

I think she has apron strings around her son. My MIL was like that. She can't let go or have control over his life so she lashes out. Just let it go. Be nice to her even if she isn't to you. You can always get even. If you decide to get married and have children together that she doesn't need to be part of her grandchildren's lives either. After all, she is disowning you both and you have a letter to prove it. A move is a good thing! I did the same thing. I would still drop a letter, but we didn't have much contact with each other and that suited me just fine. We went to visit her once and it was a 10 day vacation of pure hell, so rest assured I wouldn't be planning any visits if that is the way that she wants it.

Answer 4

First of all, you don't want to make things worse by retaliating in any way, shape, or form.. that being, verbal or physical. The Bible say " return evil for evil to no one, Romans 12:17.

You dont want to put your fiance in the middle, let him deal with his mom. The worst thing either one of you could do is disrespect her. Your fiance may one day hold it against you. Let him be the one to make peace or be the bad guy. I'm sure he loves you both. Give him a chance to be a man about it. And if he doesn't step up then you will have to make a choice to continue the realtionship or not. I'll email you privately an experience I had...ok with my husband.

Answer 5

Show the letter to your fiance. He needs to deal with his mother. This is really their fight and you are just the pawn in the middle of their power struggle.

He should tell his mother that you are his choice and that she should respect his choice or SHE won't be in his life. If your fiance does not do this, he must not be certain of his choice or else he is a wimp and won't stand up for you in other areas. He needs to be consistently firm with his mother and not undercut your position in the family.

If you have to take the matter into your own hands, remain civil but absolutely firm. Tell the MIL that while you respect her as your fiance's mother and would be sad to no longer have her a part of your fiance's life, he has made a choice and she has no vote in this election. If her son is part of the family then so are you.

End of story.

(Your MIL story is a cream puff compared to mine so take my advice from years of misery which I ended by giving both partner and MIL the ultimatum that stopped it all.)

Answer 6

Pretend she doesn't exist. It is her loss if she quits communicating with you. My Mother is the same way towards my Husband. It took me ten years to finally just say "screw it!" You and your Fiance will get married and have children. You will realize that you have each other and you are each others family. Don't let negative family get you down. It will only ruin your relationship with your fiance. I assume your Fiance is okay to move away. If so, sounds like she is trying to do everything not to get him to move. It is ridiculous and immature thing for a mother to do. She should realize that she is only driving her son away. I would just keep quiet and not say anything to your in law and let your Fiance handle it. He needs to let her know that if she wants him in her life, she is going to have to except you and your son. Don't stress. Just be thankful you are moving away and you don't have to deal with her. My mom lives 2000 miles away and it is the best thing in the world. Good Luck!

Answer 7

First of all, You aren't marrying her.. You are marrying her son! If she can't accept you for who you are then screw her. Just ignore her. Don't let her get to you. She's probably just trying to scare you off because I'm sensing that maybe She just cant deal with that fact that he is growing up and moving on with his life.

Also, try the whole "kill her with kindness" Trust me this is very hard to do but its so worth it when you see how much its ticking her off that you are being so sweet and sincere.

If you just dont want to deal with it, talk to your fiance about this. How does he feel about his mothers actions? Maybe he needs to be the one to set his mother straight. i know its difficult but hopefully things will turn around. Once she sees how wonderful you and your son are she will accept you.

Good luck dear!

Answer 8

your Fiance needs to stand up to her. the woman cannot treat you guys that way, if she continues she will cause you guys quite a bit of marital problems. It sounds to me that she is jealous because her son is no longer going to be in her house anymore. some women can be pretty jealous of the woman her son is married to and will do anything to make the daughter in law miserable. my aunt's mother in law was nasty to her and my uncle had to step in and say this is enough.

your fiance must be the one to talk to his mother about this CALMLY. if your mother in law listens to how you guys feel, then you have gained her respect. if she does not wait for her to come to her senses but do not cut off communication with her or else you will have a very angry mother in law (which will not help the situation)
give her time, don't force her to change, she has to want to change on her own.
i hope this helps

Answer 9

Oh girl. I feel for you. I never believed when you marry the son, you marry the family. WELL, let me tell you from experience. When you marry the son, you marry the mother!! I am sure she is just angry you are taking her son away from her(I am sure you are not, but that is how she sees it). I would talk it over with your husband to be and try to smooth things over with mom-in-law, if you do not take the first step now it will only get larger, and trust me, you do not want that!!! Be the bigger person, because she never will be.

Answer 10

There is an old Native-American saying: "I will not judge my neighbor until I have walked a mile in his mocisans!"

Take a deep breath and ask for higher guidance. YOur spirit guides, ask to be shown HER path. See all that she has endured in her life. FEEL from your heart space and less from your rational thoughts.

You gave birth to your son and how would you like your future daughter-in-law to be in your family?! Be just like that!

LOVE Is the key. If you take action any other way....you will only make it worse on your marriage, your spouse, your son and your soon to be loving mother-in-law. See you having two mothers.