I just found out I'm going to get married, and I told my friend (who I have always planned on having as my maid of honor) and I was really put off by how she responded. Everyone has been so excited because me and my new fiance are so close and have dated for 2 1/2 years. She was more like, "This is a big decision; I hope you're making the right one." I just felt like "Who are you, and don't you know me at all?"
Later in the conversation I mentioned that I might not want to do the typical wedding party with a formal "maid of honor" because my fiance does not have one particularly close friend to name as a best man. She would still have the traditional "Maid of honor" spot at the wedding. But she made me feel really bad about this choice too.
I feel a lot closer to one of my other friends right now, and she has been a big help in getting me started on planning and listening to all of my ideas. Should I place her as MOH, or stick to my choice of having both? Or neither? Why?
2007-12-08 07:06:08 · 10 answers · asked by Christine 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Also this friend has been very unsupportive with my ideas in the past. When I told her I wanted red as my wedding colors she objected and said "Why would you want to do that? You're the bride you should stand out." I'm like she can't imagine my dream wedding.
Maybe I'm just being too hard on her. Right now I'm just like I don't want her to be my main support. But now I sort of feel obligated to it.
2007-12-08 07:09:41 · update #1
Sounds cheezee - but before you make any decisions, talk to her about why she is being so unsupportive. Did she just break up with some one? Does she have a problem with your fiance? Listen openly to what she says without getting defensive - that might be hard if she has something bad to say about your man, but just listen to her concerns and respond only AFTER you have a chance to let what she is saying sink in. If after you two talk it out there still is no resolution, then explain to her that you would like to name so-and-so as your MOH because you need support and help. Also, if she does have a particular beef with your fiance - think about that - maybe she is seeing something that you don't. There is a saying that friends - even the ones that you call best friends are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Is she a friend who's season has run out or is she a lifetime friend that you will be able to count on when you are 90? Think about that before you make any decisions. Good luck with your friend and happy wedding and marriage to you.
2007-12-08 07:20:38 · answer #1 · answered by ShellyC 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
without getting into my details- bottom line is it's your day, one that you will remember for the rest of your life, share with your family and tell your kids about in the future. it's a very important day. (i'm about 3 weeks away from mine and it's getting pretty intense- the planning, family, in-laws, money, stress) having a maid of honor that will not only help and support in decisions, but will share the good times and be there when drama hits, with in laws, money or just stress overall. pick someone who will give you unconditional support and love. if you're already feeling regret it will only build up and end up being a rain cloud on your day. problem is if the maid of honor has never been a bride or they had a shitty wedding or shitty significant other then they really won't understand what your going through. if you found someone you can share this experience with don't feel guilty about the friend who doesn't want to be there for you. remember when you look back at your pictures 20-50 years from now you want to have good memories of the bridesmaid that where there for you. also don't forget to discuss this with your fiance he may observe things as well and be able to back you up on this. Good Luck!
2007-12-09 06:57:46 · answer #2 · answered by jellie77 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By the way you say the you feel closer to the other friend "right now" makes it seem like maybe you swing between different best friends throughout time, which is OK, but maybe you shouldn't pick a favorite just yet. Or maybe not even at all. I would keep both of them as just bridesmaids. If one wants to help out more than the other, great. Not only might you regret picking the wrong person, but you will also be stressing your relationship with your honey who, as you stated, won't have a best man, and may feel pressured to name someone that doesn't deserve the position.
2007-12-08 08:00:28 · answer #3 · answered by nashfan61 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...that is sooo weired...I'm in the exact some position...except I'm the friend. I'm not so over-joyed at my friends new engagement because she is not as happy with herself as she was before she met the man she is planning on marrying. I know soon I will have to explain this to her, and it's going to make her mad because she doesn't want to see it or hear it right now. She thinks she is happy... but she's not.
(oddly enough her wedding color is red also...weired....)
So ask your friend why she isin't so happy for you. She probably has a reason. Make sure you are ready to listen though. It could all be a misunderstanding...or she could have a valid feeling you need to think long and hard about. Either way, I'm guessing you have known your friend for longer than you have known the man you are planning on marrying. Think about her feelings too.
2007-12-08 12:35:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through something similar when my best friend from college was about to engaged.. she knew exactly what she wanted and didn't want to hear anything that wasn't a total agreement with what she wanted.. we stopped talking shortly after.. she had too high of expectations from a very nice man who I didn't really think would make her happy.. now 7 years later I have heard that they haven't been happy.. but I really hope she is going to make it work b/c I just heard she's finally pregnant..
your friend is probably just looking out for you and loves you very much.. don't throw a wrench in the works b/c she isn't a yes man.. she is someone you can trust to give you a real answer.
2007-12-08 11:24:41 · answer #5 · answered by hitchnj 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep in mind that what your friend is saying could be for the better of you. sometimes a friend knows you better than you know yourself.
If your husband wont have a 'best man' then honestly, i think its a perfect excuse for you to not have a MOH! If you dont have one then the friends can help you as much as one wants! The one thats being helpful can help you without feeling out of place, if she wasnt the maid of honour and the close unsupportive friend would be saved forcing to be involved if being named MOH. i dont think you should have one in the situation you are in.
Hope it works out for youu. =]
2007-12-09 00:56:28 · answer #6 · answered by ♥Amber is a New Momma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
perhaps the bride merely desires somebody to lean on. making plans a marriage is an exceptionally demanding journey. and now and returned she might desire to be the only individual doing it while she would not have a sister, a mom, or a maximum suitable buddy to assist. i do no longer anticipate lots out of my maid of honor yet a dash help to get me by it and that i can not even get that out of her. The often happening jobs are universally widely used and if a individual would not choose to waste the time or money an uncomplicated NO is all she has to declare!
2016-10-01 04:23:20 · answer #7 · answered by doble 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not to rain on your parade but ... when your best friend says "I hope you know what you are doing" - you'd best listen. It is very hard to tell someone who is exuberant with the joy of getting married that you think there might be problems. I would hope MY friend would have the guts to do it.
If you think she's just being sour and there is no way she has any reason to have concern, then yes you use the maid of honor who will give you the best support.
Yeah, if you made promises than you need to decide what your promises are worth.
2007-12-08 07:09:29 · answer #8 · answered by Elana 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋
A MoH is someone who SUPPORTS you on your big day. If you feel she is not being MoH-friendly, then choose whoever you feel confident will support you for MoH.
2007-12-08 11:59:44 · answer #9 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have a sis pick her if not ask them who would want to be it
2007-12-08 07:09:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋