I am a tutor/babysitter for an 8 year old boy and a 13 year old boy. the 8 year old hugs me and likes to sit on my lap, but when the 13 yr old tries i tell him no or ask him to stop because it makes me uncomfotable. i dont want to hurt his feelings, but i also feel violated, and i dont want to treat the younger one differently because hes just a little kid. but the older one asked me to go into the bathroom with him when he was bathing, yelled at me when i refused, always grabs me around the waist and tries to hold my hand and asked to give me a massage. its very uncomfortable, but is it even possible to call it harassment since he's only 13? i dont want to say anytihng to the aprents because id feel ridiculous but i always feel so violated! he also got mad at me whe he sat down on the couch next to me and put his arm around my sholder, saying that it wa his hous and he could do what he wanted
2007-12-08 06:20:00 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
You are the adult here and this needs to be addressed.
His parents need to be made aware of this and you need to stop the coddling the younger one. Stop this with him as well.
What sounds rediculous about this? His behavior is inappropriate.
Here's a thought: What if the 13 year old lies to get even cause he is mad and says something happened that is not true. Like that YOU did something inappropriate.
Stranger things have happened.
Better speak out!
2007-12-08 08:00:43 · answer #1 · answered by dapperdudet 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sounds to me like he has a bit of a crush on you, and is jealous because you cuddle with the younger boy and not with him. You need to just tell him that he's too old to be sitting in someone's lap like a baby. Tell him that you like him and want to keep being his friend, but the way he is treating you makes you feel uncomfortable, and angry. Tell him if he doesn't stop doing it that you won't be able to be his friend anymore...since friends respect each other's feelings. Be firm, but considerate of his feelings, and stick to it. It may take you a few weeks of reminding him to not do certain things, but he should get the picture.
2007-12-09 15:13:12 · answer #2 · answered by missbeans 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I remember years ago when a friend of mine who worked as a waitress asked me if I would drop by her house and check up on her two step sons because she was worried about them.
When I arrived at the house what I saw absolutely broke my heart.
The youngest boy was crying over his daddy because he thought he was dead when really he was passed out cold on the living room floor and the oldest boy was sitting in front of the TV watching porn which is what his father was watching before he passed out.
These two boys grew up to be monsters and even began to sexually harass other students at their Schools and nobody knew why they were this way except for me,my friend and their drunk and drugged up father.
So you may want to ask yourself why the thirteen year old is acting this way when it should be the farthest thing from his mind.
Maybe he's being exposed to something at home that your not aware of so is it possible for you take a tour through the house and try to find anything that might be influencing him?
It could be something as simple as his mothers Cosmopolitan magazine which is nothing but acceptable porn thats sold at the check out stand in grocery stores or maybe he found some movies or porn magazines his daddy might have stashed somewhere.
It could even be music videos especially rap videos or the music he's listening to but what ever it is you need to address it if you want to continue tutoring him.
But he's still only a child and whatever problems he's having right now is the responsibility of his parents so you'll need to talk to them about it definitely.
2007-12-08 09:33:05 · answer #3 · answered by Adelaide B 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to lay down the law.
Ever heard of bad cop/good cop? It works for tutors too. You need to be the bad cop in this situation. Tell him firmly that he has to stop. If he refuses, tell his parents that he isn't listening to you at all.
It isn't technically harrasment because he didn't do anything. However, at 13 his hormones are already raging. It is possible he wants to get you in bed. It's the sad truth.
If you continue to feel uncomfortable, QUIT. It's YOUR decision to take the job or not.
2007-12-08 09:54:28 · answer #4 · answered by Rob 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk with the mother/father/garduain of the child and explain the situation. They will have a talk with the 13 year old.
However, if he does it again, then tell him to stop. If he doesn't, quit. Write a letter to the parents explaining why and don't go back no matter what.
You have no right to feel uncofratable around your work and you need to quit.
You do not sound ridiculous. Good luck!
~Taylor
2007-12-08 08:36:18 · answer #5 · answered by Jasmine 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is not harassment as you are the adult and he is the child. You have to lay down the ground rules and if he refuses then it must be discussed with his parents. In fact, you should mention it now to his parents as young people can often make up stories and this could be worrying. Look after yourself and if you feel uncomfortable, get yourself away from the situation.
2007-12-08 06:29:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You don't have to call it anything.... if it is that uncomfortable....drop them as students. As a tutot you have that option. If you work for an agency, tell them why. If you haven't heard all the news about teachers and students the last few years, you want to be especially careful...he could actually say anything and people would believe him.
2007-12-08 06:38:52 · answer #7 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh my...this 13 yr old has an un-natural attraction to you. I am not saying sexual. Just un-natural. This can't be good so if you can afford to drop him as a student etc...please do. You certainly don't want this to grow into something worse. I sure don't want to see you on the 10pm news.
2007-12-08 08:20:20 · answer #8 · answered by hewlett p 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A talk with his parents is definitely needed. You need to talk to them before he says anything to them, which may get YOU into trouble.
Yes, he's only 13, but that's old enough for him to find an attraction in girls. It's not uncommon for children to have "crushes" on their sitters.
If you don't feel comfortable talking to his parents, remove yourself from the situation immediately.
2007-12-08 06:34:37 · answer #9 · answered by Liz 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like his hormones have kicked in. Be careful before he jumps your bones.... He'll be the aggressor but you'll end up in jail.
If you can remove yourself from this situation....dump the student before he asks for extra credit.
2007-12-08 13:34:32 · answer #10 · answered by Enlightened One 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋