Some people just presume they are going to be invited. People I know very casually through association and don't even know my fiance.
My mother said it's wrong to be blunt and that's just being rude.
Your thoughts?
2007-12-08 05:14:52 · 21 answers · asked by Jazzy 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
There is no need for rudeness. Most people will get the hint when they don't get an invite.
After you've already sent invites, and when someone asks if they're invited, or if they say they are planning on coming, you say, "Well, actually, we're just keeping this a small affair."
If they don't get the hint, then you can be blunt.
2007-12-08 06:16:08 · answer #1 · answered by kiki 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It is always wrong to be blunt and rude. Just because you aren't inviting everyone, there is no good reason to be hurtful. Weddings cost a lot of money, halls have capacity restrictions - there are many reasons for limiting a guest list. For people who are not invited, make a point of at least appearing regretful and tell them "I am Soooo sorry that we can't invite the whole world to our wedding reception but our parents are footing the majority of our expenses and we have been limited to relatives and absolutely a minimum of friends. If we invited everyone we wanted, we would need a hall the size of a football field. I hope you understand and wish us the best!" There have been loads of instances where, when a bride or groom was so nice about spreading the word this way, that coworkers and friends have come together and thrown a great his/hers shower or an after-wedding reception. NEVER HURTS TO BE NICE! Your casual friend or coworker might end up being a close friend or helpful babysitter down the road!
2007-12-08 06:30:14 · answer #2 · answered by Wifeforlife 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think it is better to tell people gently and politely that they will not be invited. Then they will know, they will stop anticipating the invite that never comes, and thinking about what they will wear, and who they will bring as a guest, and what gift they will give you.
Perhaps 'blunt' is the wrong word. Don't tell them in an inyerface way. Be gracious but no mistake, they are not to be invited.
Edited to add: I am not onboard with the idea of telling people the reason they are not invited is financial. It sounds like you are concerned with money, and might be twisted by a disgruntled non-invitee, and then they could go around saying you hinted to them that you wanted money for your wedding. This is not true, and you wouldn't want the stress of hearing this while planning your wedding.
2007-12-08 05:20:53 · answer #3 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 8⤊ 0⤋
There have been so many people trying to invite themselves to our wedding. They don't even know my fiance and they haven't talked to me in a couple years and all of a sudden they expect to come. With some people I've just been blunt and said "we haven't talked in years and even if you came to the wedding we wouldn't talk after that. We're just having a small get together anyway." With other people I've just said that we're trying to keep it at a small number of guests. It's a hard spot to be in. Try telling people you want a very intimate occasion. Sometimes you have to be blunt though. If they don't know you two then why bother to show up to a wedding. I would hate going to a wedding where I didn't know the bride and groom very well.
2007-12-08 06:50:43 · answer #4 · answered by Rockit 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My fiance and I recently got around this problem ourselves. You don't want anyone to hate you, but you want to be happy at your wedding.
Just let everyone know that the wedding will be an intimate ceremony for close friends and family. Then you and your fiance come together and create a guest list both of you agree on and send out invites to only those people. Remember that you shouldn't feel bad about what you want for your wedding. It's wrong for people to assume that they're automatically invited to your wedding and get upset with you if they're not.
Just don't become a bridezilla!
2007-12-08 05:25:06 · answer #5 · answered by Scarlett 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to be mean to people. I'm def known as a straight talker, but i don't feel the need to make people feel badly in the process. Allow them their assumptions, it doesn't mean they get an invitation. We didn't invite someone my finace has been friends with for a long time because I didn't want her there, and I know she expected an invite. She hinted about it like crazy. I wasn't going to say, YOU AREN'T INVITED. What would that help? She asked if we had sent out our invitations, and we said, yes, and she knew she wasn't getting one at that point. No more needs to be said.
2007-12-08 06:44:48 · answer #6 · answered by melouofs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact is...unless you are Trump, you can not financially invite every person you have met...people should never assume they are invited to your wedding. Most people understand that financially you can only have x amount of guests. Just say that your wedding will be mostly family with a few close friends.
2007-12-08 10:37:57 · answer #7 · answered by ilene m 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This happened to me also. I had people to say "I will be waiting on my invitation". I just smile because I didn't want to hurt nobody feelings. But some people does not know their place and etiquette.
Maybe tell them that it is invitation only or due to financial reasons, you do not plan to invite a lot of people.
2007-12-08 06:31:06 · answer #8 · answered by stergre1975 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The people who presume to be invited and they attend to a wedding are more rude, they shouldn't be there if they haven't been invited. A wedding is a very special event, only the closest friends and family should be invited, remember that in a wedding you should be happy and in peace, it is a very special time to share and you don't want anybody from outside that circle. You invite those ones who will appreciate you and wish you a happy marriage with their heart, those ones who will be with you because they love you and they feel for you, so don't worry about it, remember that a real wedding is only one in a life time, be with your real friends and love ones and remember that day forever. Congratulations.
2007-12-08 05:33:05 · answer #9 · answered by big daddy 4 · 4⤊ 2⤋
it is unnecessary to be blunt and that is rude, also unnecessary, and hurtful as well, they maybe assumeing too much but that dosen't mean u need to act like that, just tell people it is only for close family and friends, or not in budget, church and hall too small you can use your brain to think of something without being what u call blunt about it, i call it being a bridezilla not taking other peoples feelings into account, and who knows you may be shutting down what could be possible friendships in the future, anyone that does that just to do that loses a lot
2007-12-08 05:30:13 · answer #10 · answered by Dale T 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋