After a fight things get better for a few days then the s*** hits the fan again. The fights are usually over his imaturaty. The main thing keeping me right now is my step-son. He CANNOT go back into the environment he was in before we got married.
2007-12-08 03:51:55 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Pretty much just like you said it here.
2007-12-08 03:54:45 · answer #1 · answered by The Voice of Reason 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a difficult topic and I can see you want advice. But the fact is, no one but you knows the severity of the situation. No matter how strongly you feel about your step-son, kids are never a good reason to stay in a marriage. I've seen marriages fail where the kids come out of it fine and I've seen parents stay together to the detriment of the child. Ask yourself this, are the reasons that you married your husband in the first place still there? Sometimes it just seems like you can't live with it anymore, but there's just so much going on in your life you focus it all on the easier target, which in your case might be your husband. Just sit him down and rationally explain to him that you have come to your breaking point and he either needs to adjust his behavior or you are no longer willing to put up with it. Make sure he understands you are serious and if he still won't work with you, show him you mean business. Stay with a friend for the weekend, show him you don't need him as much as he needs you. be careful with the number or chances you give him though. The less follow through you give, the less effective your argument. It's kind of like disciplining a child, he has to know you mean business. I really hope this helps and feel free to e-mail me to talk. Marriage is never easy, but if the love is there, it is worth saving!
2007-12-08 12:03:52 · answer #2 · answered by Lynette H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through this with my husband.
I am not sure exactly what your issues are. That being said there are few things that can not be discussed rationally if both parties want it to be rational.
Set aside a time where you can have each other's full attention and share what is going on in each other's head.
My favorite technique is:
Honey, when you...(don't help around the house)....I feel like...(I am just a maid that you do not appreciate)..what I want is....(for you to vacuum once a week and do the dishes on the nights I cook.)
&
What I hear you saying is...(repeat, rephrase what you think you heard them say.)
If you can not work it out by yourselves get into some kind of counseling in the next couple of weeks. It is much cheaper to get counseling and try to work things out than to get a divorce!
Good Luck & Best Wishes!
2007-12-08 12:02:55 · answer #3 · answered by D Marie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
BEEN THERE!!!! My big draw-back from leaving was my step-daughter. I went as far as to let my own children leave to save this other child from how ugly it could get when my husband went side-ways!
Honey, I love you, but...I can't handle all this fighting. Either we get help (either couples, group, individual, whatever is appropriate for the situation) or I have to go. (Then stick to your guns).
My marriage was saved because first my husband then I went into counseling to work out our issues. We both had traumatic histories that needed to be dealt with, but we couldn't see it for ourselves...we saw it in each other.
My husband died this past July. Our last years together were wonderful...challenging, but wonderful.
2007-12-08 12:08:04 · answer #4 · answered by RT 66 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello.
First try to have a conversation with out yelling. Start telling him that you are not happy and that both have to change and you need him to put effort in it. If you have already done this and it has not work try giving each other some time off and hopefully something good will come out of this.
Good Luck
2007-12-08 11:57:11 · answer #5 · answered by MARITA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well for sum reason, in this country, it's really rare when couples get married...and stay married! So I congratulate you for getting this far!!!
Both parties must understand and agree not to give up marriage ...it's can be a struggle at time, but its all worth it at the end, IF THEY BOTH SACRIFICE, for one another.
With your situation, you may want to let your husband know, exactly how it is..
or take a vacation!
florida baby!
2007-12-08 12:00:43 · answer #6 · answered by girlyprincess 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it takes two to tango,
why don't you try couple counseling,
find out what the problems really are,
dose he want stop fighting, is he willing to try save the marriage,
its a shame when couples get like this, best of luck,
2007-12-08 11:59:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell your husband exatly that, if the fighting does
not stop the marriage will end.
try a marraige counsellor. good luck.
start of by suggesting a marriage counselor first.
2007-12-08 11:55:55 · answer #8 · answered by Jerry S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes two to fight. Stand back mentally and see if it your husband who begins the uproar, or not.
2007-12-08 11:55:34 · answer #9 · answered by beez 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him the same way you just told us..if you feel you cant, try writing him a note, It may sound grade school, but its a good way to really tell him how your feeling, when talking in the moment, we tend to forget things. Besides, he cant interupt what your saying in a note.
2007-12-08 11:56:48 · answer #10 · answered by Lily B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with everyone else. tell him exactly what you just said. "I'm tired of the fighting and if something doesn't change i'm leaving. "
2007-12-08 11:55:41 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋