Is it wrong for me to expect the woman I love to be considerate and kind without being told. My girlfriend needs to be told to be considerate of my feelings and needs. I tell her about my problems but she seems to need specific instructions on how to be considerate. It kind of ruins the act of kindness for me, I dont get that warm fuzzy feeling if i have to tell someone to be nice to me. Then their act doesn't seem thoughtful or kind. I feel like a burden. I feel like i am making them be nice to me.
2007-12-08 02:59:41 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
...so are you going to A- deal with her through communication, each learning about the other's needs and how best to support that, B- keep hoping she'll miraculously wake up and be a different person, with a different history, or C- keep searching for some perfect woman?
2007-12-08 02:59:45 · answer #1 · answered by Zeera 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What exactly are you expecting her to be kind and considerate of regarding your friends "needs"? Are you expecting her to cook for them, cater to them when you invite them over, that kind of thing? If so, that is YOUR responsibility, not hers, they are YOUR friends.
If that is not the issue and this is basic stuff, some people never learned the art of kindness and consideration, perhaps you are in her life to show her what it's all about.
I don't know how old she is, but once you are into your 20's, it should start to become more of a natural thing to do if someone has pointed out you need to be aware of that.
Ask her, nicely, if her parents ever exhibited these necessary niceities. I will bet she will look at you with a blank stare and then say, "I don't think so". No surprise right?
If she continues to not get it, then chaulk it up to the fact she just may be a self-absorbed, selfish person with no clue. I know of some people like that, they are only really thinking of themselves.
2007-12-08 03:05:44 · answer #2 · answered by MadforMAC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude. This is a time of year to be happy. You shouldn't be feeling so poorly. That's sad. Perhaps you two could get some communication counseling. Relationship Encounters is a program through the churches ( Lutheran, Methodist and Catholic Churches for sure) that gets you away from the city so you both can be more focused. It's a nice escape, usually to the mountains or such type environments. The hussel and bussel of city life is eliminated.They meet in both groups, individually and in one on one scenarios. It is eye opening and I've spoken to several couples that swear it saved their relationships.
2007-12-08 03:10:52 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it is not wrong for you to expect these basics from your girlfriend; and it does take away something that should be intrinsically special between couples. However, there are many people who have never been taught these basics growing up so when they get out on their own, they must learn them like a child learns to read and write. It requires a lot of patience and understanding from their partners. Good luck to you.
2007-12-08 03:03:38 · answer #4 · answered by Shilo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey...i have a few friends like that...if she really loves you, she'll learn, but i dare to bet that you'll get to a point where you'll just be like, "i can't trust you with my feelings and personal needs anymore...and if i can't trust you with that, then i really don't consider our relationship one to last" That's exactly what happened to me. I never told my friend that, but i just kinda broke away from her. I stopped talking to her and stuff...If she can't be kind to your feelings (which obviously would hurt) then she's not worth your time. You could keep trying, but then you always risk the chance of her not being sensitive to you again. and hurting again. But, first just try being totally honest with her and tell her exactly what you said here. give her an ultimatum. Tell her if she can't learn to be considerate to your feelings and needs then you don't want to spend any more time feeling like you have to tell her to be. If that doesn't work then move on. one thing to consider is that what if your needs and feelings are something that make her uncomfortable? are you talknig like having needs or feelings about sex? maybe thats something she doesn't want to be sensitive to, b/c she knows better...Just think about that...But i hope it works out!!!!! take care, and don't give up on her, but don't let her keep hurting you either...
2007-12-08 03:13:35 · answer #5 · answered by sexyfingernails 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes in a relationship the persons involved begin to think that somethings are a given and don't need to be spoken a loud. Like you know that I am always behind you to support you, so I don't always have to say it a loud. but sometimes you need to remind them that you need to hear it. Its not reminding them to be considerate its making your needs in a relationship clearer. If that person is not considerate to you in your relationship I really dont feel that you would stay with them.
2007-12-08 03:03:19 · answer #6 · answered by KYMBRLEE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it is not wrong. She should not have to be told. Maybe she is narcissistic. If she is she is not likely to change without help and maybe not then.
I know a person like that. She is kinda mechanical. She only feels for and talks about herself. Seems she has no real depth.
Is there something is her background that could have made her like this?
I feel for you. Kindness is something that should come natural.
2007-12-08 03:02:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're learning, kid. That's the way it goes. She operates on a different set of values than you do. Get a book called The 5 Love Languages. Both of you should read and learn its principles. Your relationship will improve.
I have extended my majestic Pimpin hand. You know what is expected of you!
2007-12-08 03:04:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If kindness and consideration are important to you and she's not, then you should leave her.
Dating is about finding the person you fit with, and not changing the person you're with into what you want them to be.
2007-12-08 03:03:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
there could be a couple reasons that she is being like that. one reason could be that she isnt feeling the relationship. another could be that she just isnt as caring as most girls. she prob thinks that you are being a little too fem for her. idk....thats something you need to talk to her about. i mean if she isnt giving you the attention you need from her then maybe its time to find someone that will. no one should feel like a burden in a relationship.
2007-12-08 03:02:10 · answer #10 · answered by whisper_in_the_wind1186 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋