From Texas, getting married in California. Twelve people have already booked flights.My Dad gave my sis 10K in 1991, but says he can only offer me 2500-3000. Should I be hurt? What do I do? His excuse is that his retirement money is running low. I am 35 and he also says he did not know if I would ever get married. This is the man who has to walk me down the aisle. Do I cancel this whole thing? I think the real issue is that it is not the Catholic wedding my mom wanted me to have in Texas.Also she has a bad prescription addiction which my dad funds.What do ya'll think I should do?I am at a loss...
2007-12-08 02:56:55 · 9 answers · asked by kala 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am not trying to be ungreatfull.Could he not have planned for this? He told us this after we flew out to LA and made arrangements.I have never been married. My dad's 90 yr. old mother live with me and I support her. These people all have $. This is crazy.
2007-12-08 03:15:53 · update #1
It's not up to you to decide how your parents spend their money. If your dad says his retirement money is running low and he can't give you the 10K wedding he gave your sister over 15 years ago---you just have to accept it. Any money he gives you is a GIFT, not something he owes you just because you're his daughter. Lots of brides today pay for their own wedding! If your dad is willing to pay for ANYTHING you should be grateful. If you already ran up a 10K price tag and can't afford to pay for it, then you should start trimming out things you don't need (expensive flowers, alcohol, limos, etc.) Don't cancel the wedding. Just cut back.
2007-12-08 03:09:09 · answer #1 · answered by Jacqueline D 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
No, you don't cancel the wedding. He can pay what he can, and you and your spouse can pay for what he can't. No, you shouldn't be hurt. He should spend his money the way he wants, and not rely on you possibly one day getting married. Because he's right. He wasn't ever guaranteed you'd ever get married. Especially if you've been shacked up for any length of time, since most never get married. Your dad will spend money the way he sees fit, and you should pay for most or all of your own wedding. If you can't afford it, cut back on the nonessentials. Those that booked flights have already paid for their tickets, so canceling the wedding altogether for something so minute would be very wrong. They should still be able to come to your wedding. It just be a simpler affair, and they won't care how much was spent on this wedding.
P.S. 10K paid for a lot more back in 1991 than it does now.
The cost for everything at my wedding was $400 total. My husband wore a suit coat and dress slacks. The groomsmen all wore suits they already owned. My bridesmaids all wore dresses made from fabric I found at Wal Mart. It costs them all about $20 to have their dresses made. I gave them a pattern, but said they could adjust it to make it comfortable if need be. I didn't care about complete uniformity. I borrowed a white dress(not a wedding dress) from a friend. I wasn't going to have a veil, but my sister in law bought one, so I wore it. We used the church we attended, so the minister and church were free. The people of the church decorated it with stuff they already had. We rented a volunteer fire dept hall for the reception for $20. We used blank birthday cakes instead of a wedding cake, and no one cared. I had made a wedding cake because my dad has diet restrictions, and all but the top tier fell apart. My dad got to eat that whole top tier. Our wedding bands were maybe $50 to $100 each. My parents paid for all the bouquets and boutineers, and they were made with fake flowers. Very beautiful. The ladies at our church made finger foods. One had asked me some weeks before what we wanted for food, and I told her we didn't care, just that it had to be sugar free and wheat free due to my dad's diet. And they pulled it off BEAUTIFULLY!
So there ya go!
P.S. His mother living with you is your choice. Perhaps he can't handle both his mother and your mom with her problems.
2007-12-08 03:53:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
But you ARE ungrateful!
You have alot of nerve at 35 to demand that your 90 year old father cough up 10K so that you could have a wedding.
You say "couldn't they have planned for this"....well, couldn't you and your FIANCE (who you have not mentioned whatsoever) have planned and saved for YOUR wedding?
if you wedding is 9 weeks away, you must have already signed contracts and paid deposits? So, either you AND your FIANCE find the cash, get a loan (which I would normally never recommend) and start scaling things down!
I'm sure that nothing would make you happier than to cancel your wedding and blame it on your parents....but don't do that. You would only be cheating yourself.
2007-12-08 04:47:41 · answer #3 · answered by lovesapples 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Get the wedding done... just do a simpler, more casual ceremony. You can do a good little ceremony in a nice back yard, living room or apartment clubhouse.
Rent some chairs and an arch for the altar area, serve punch, dips and cake afterward. Get a friend to videotape it so you can burn it onto CD or DVD and send it out to relatives.
Call the 12 people who have booked flights and tell them what is going on... that you are down-scaling. Let them make the decision as to what they really want to do.
As you can see... a lot can happen in 20 years. Your parents' health is failing and they are sliding into retirement. Don't take it personally. Just adapt and roll on.
2007-12-08 03:16:26 · answer #4 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
WHY should you be hurt?
He gave that to her WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY back in 1991!!! Its 2007, far far from 1991.
He says he can only offer you $2,500 to $3,000. That is $2,500 to $3,000 more than I'd expect anyone else to help pay.
YOU and your fiance should have planned financially to pay for the wedding entirely by yourselves, without thoughts of funds from others, and then only been pleasantly surprised IF someone gave you money for it.
You are in one heck of a bind. Normally I do not suggest this, but in this case, unless you can get your money back, you need to think about a loan. You shouldn't ever expect someone else to foot YOUR bill.
2007-12-08 12:18:44 · answer #5 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Pay for it yourself. Some of us weren't as fortunate to have gotten any money but our own put towards our weddings. Did you actually discuss you would be getting 10k or did you just assume since that's what you sis got? I am sure this is disappointing but remember this is about you getting married to someone you love not about the actual wedding. Congrats!
2007-12-08 03:10:30 · answer #6 · answered by sanzoe 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
if your father agreed to give you the money before planning this wedding then its not nice of him to put you in this situation !! the thing is if you want it badly to have a big wedding and willing to spend , you should talk to your husband to be if you can both pay for your own wedding ? if you guys really want to get married you work things out !!!! Good luck and best wishes !!!!!!
2007-12-08 03:32:28 · answer #7 · answered by lovely 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
dont be selfish!
good Lord, he cant afford it- And you are an Adult, right?
pay for your own wedding!
2007-12-08 03:01:30 · answer #8 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
haii.... That sad...
2007-12-08 03:06:07 · answer #9 · answered by Missysiirp 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋