Crazy situation!! Help. Wedding in 9 weeks, Dad says he can't give afford the wedding now, which is around 10K

Question

From Texas, getting married in California. Twelve people have already booked flights.My Dad gave my sis 10K in 1991, but says he can only offer me 2500-3000. Should I be hurt? What do I do? His excuse is that his retirement money is running low. I am 35 and he also says he did not know if I would ever get married. This is the man who has to walk me down the aisle. Do I cancel this whole thing? I think the real issue is that it is not the Catholic wedding my mom wanted me to have in Texas.Also she has a bad prescription addiction which my dad funds.What do ya'll think I should do?I am at a loss...

Answer 1

If you are 35, you should not expect your parents to pay for it.

Start saving...and downsize everything you can.

It's seems like at the 9 weeks point, all of your deposits and a lot of your vendors have been paid. It is not usually my recommended path...but maybe you should consider a loan for what you and your fiance can't cover???

Answer 2

I'd say just try your best to be grateful for what you are being offered. Alot of peoples parents don't offer to pay any on their wedding. And your sisters wedding was a very long time ago and money situations do change. I'm sure if they were in the same situation financially they would give you just as much. You really need to focus on the fact that the wedding is about you getting to marry the person you love, not how much money your parents will or will not spend on you. I'm sure it is disapointing when you knew how much they spent on her and kinda expected the same. But the point of weddings is to share it with the people you love. You shouldn't make your family feel guilty for not having enough money. Good Luck!!

Answer 3

Hi,
It depends on a few other factors, too. If your parents are honestly hard up for money then you should say thanks to your dad for giving you any money at all. If he gave your sister $10K 16 years ago and is only able to give you $3K now then that is just the way it is.

However, if your parents are wealthy and pretending to be hard up for cash you need to tell them to suck up their pride and hand over the cash just as they did for your sister. Your wedding might not be the Catholic wedding that they dreamed of but it is the wedding that you want.

I have found that many older people are very asset wealthy but cash poor. Maybe it is time that they sold the Cadillac or private plane, vacation property and looked after you a bit, too (if that is the case).

If they really can't pay any more for it then either scale back your plans or cough up the cash yourselves. You are worth it. The average wedding in North America costs around $22K so if you are planning on around $10K then you are doing pretty good.

I have catered many weddings but the one that was the most fun to go to was put on by a few friends of mine. They rented a nice little reception room by the ocean and told us all to bring their own food and drink. It was a great potluck dinner. They got married in that same room earlier in the afternoon. We just rearranged the room for dinner and dancing later.

Whatever you do, just remember that it is your day and the important point is to have fun.

Hope this helps,
Robin
Former restaurant and catering company owner

Answer 4

Wow! Hard to believe this is a serious question. You're 35 years old and you have been planning a wedding EXPECTING your dad to lay out $10,000 for you!! Things have changed in 16 years and you are pretty petulant for trying to make your mother out to be the "bad guy" as well. Where's your fiance? In jail? On welfare? He has to be in his 30's as well so why can't HE fund $10,000. Your dad doesn't need an "excuse". This isn't a DEBT. Saying "this is the man who has to walk me down the aisle" makes you sound like an immature, unloving, irresponsible BRAT of about 17!! If you want to cancel your WEDDING just because it isn't the lavish party you hoped for, you should not be getting married. Remember that your folks will also have two air fares, hotels, expenses and they are older now and will need to protect their future. You're reaching for excuses to be nasty to your father and to your mother and you are WRONG, WRONG,WRONG. Either borrow some cash and continue with your plans or scale down your meal/bar/honeymoon. 35 !!! Gads, time you grew up!!

Answer 5

well if the wedding is in 9 weeks the majority of it is probably paid for right?? i mean you have been puting money down when you can?? Did he tell you hen you planned the wedding he would give you 10,000 or did you just assume?? My dad gave my sister 5,000 and i am getting 0 not mad at him at all he had it when she got it he doesnt have it when i am getting married! You need to start canceling unecessary things you have planned for this wedding maybe downgrade your flowers cake etc see if you can change the menu and do an italian style buffet or something so that his 2500 that he can give you will help you pay the balance!

Answer 6

You shouldnt feel hurt or compare yourself to your sister. Parents cannot make the experience equal for all children in the family.
What I want to know is, did he promise 10k to you, or did you just assume it? If he promised it and now cannot deliver, dont be mad-- just change your plans. Scale it back. You already knew they were having financial difficulties. If you just assumed it and went ahead and planned a 10k wedding, Im sorry but its your fault.
By the way, it is totally fine if your parents want to pay for your wedding- at 35, at any age. It is a gift from the parents, and there is no age limit on that gesture. I know people who got married in their 30s and were well off, but the parents still wanted to contribute. Its not about the couple needing the money, its about the gesture.

Answer 7

This sounds to me like you are just jealous that your sister recieved 10k for her wedding and you are being offered only 3k. You know what, get over it! Your dad's finances have changed and you just have to deal with it because it is only customary that the bride's parents pay for the wedding. It is not a requirement! You can still have a nice, small wedding on the date you have already chosen so that people will not have wasted money on the plane tickets. If a big wedding means that much to you, then you and your new husband can save up the money and renew your vows for your 5th or 10th wedding anniversary. Just be happy that you are marrying the man you love!

Answer 8

Ok... its every girls dream to be walked down by their daddy and have their parents pay for the wedding REGARDLESS the age. People talk about the assumption thing. I would assume that my parents were going to give me the same wedding price that my sibling got too. My sister-in-law to be is going through this problem too. Her mom took out a loan to pay for her sisters wedding that was like $20,000 and is only paying like $200 of my brother and her's wedding and she is pretty upset. Its more of like a "favorites" thing it feels like (at least for my sis to be it does). You prob. feel insulted but what i say is tell them thank you for what they can help you with and you can do the rest and if only 12 out of how many have gotten tickets see if they would kindly return them and have a wedding in Texas where it is cheaper here. Or just down size everything. Dont cancel the whole thing cause its not about the money its about the meaning of the thing.

I hope the best for you and I hope everything turns out good. I am very sorry for what your going through it is very hard I understand. Good Luck.

Answer 9

Looks like you'll need to take out a loan and pay for this yourself. If your wedding is in 9 weeks, everything is already ordered by the caterer, floriest, etc., and cannot be cancelled. And the people who have already booked flights can't get their money back if you cancel out. You should have talked to your parents long ago and got a definately money figure. At 35, you should also have a nice bank account built up (and so should your fiance') so you should be able to afford this wedding on your own.

Answer 10

Start finding ways to cut expenses. If you've got an expensive honeymoon planned, see if you can ditch it. Let the people know that you are scaling back the grandiosity of the affair but if they'll still come you'll love to see them. Concentrate on a good time with less spending: beer not champagne etc.
If your dad is feeling pinched, don't insist that he go into debt for your wedding. If there's to be debt, you should incur it because you have more years to pay it off. He's still your father, he should walk you down the aisle, and you shouldn't try to second-guess his reasons for not having as much $ as he wanted to. The economy is scary now and he doesn't want you to have to support him in his old age.
Good luck!

Answer 11

WHY should you be hurt?

He gave that to her WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY back in 1991!!! Its 2007, far far from 1991.

He says he can only offer you $2,500 to $3,000. That is $2,500 to $3,000 more than I'd expect anyone else to help pay.

YOU and your fiance should have planned financially to pay for the wedding entirely by yourselves, without thoughts of funds from others, and then only been pleasantly surprised IF someone gave you money for it.

You are in one heck of a bind. Normally I do not suggest this, but in this case, unless you can get your money back, you need to think about a loan. You shouldn't ever expect someone else to foot YOUR bill.