Guys, do you ever tell your SO how much you make? Girls, do you ever ask?

Question

I am rich by most people’s standards (millionaire making $250k+/yr, 32 yrs old.) I own my own business (since I was 25) so it’s not obvious how much I make (as opposed to if I was a doctor etc…) I lead a modest lifestyle so you can’t tell I have money.

I’ve had a few long term gf’s in my life but have never told them anything about my finances. Eventually they can figure out I am doing ok because I never talk about money problems, always buy what I want, drive a modest car (~$30k) but paid for it in cash, have my house paid for, drop $200 on a dinner date whenever I feel like it etc… Two gfs flat out asked and I refused to tell them. I was very turned off by this and eventually we broke up.

Another one asked and I decided to try telling her. Then all of the sudden she started expecting more from me (more expensive gifts, vacations, she stopped picking up the tab for our inexpensive dates…) I ended it with her.

I’m just curious how others approach this topic.

Few more details:

- I have no interest in ever getting married. I don't believe in it (legally marriage is about money and not love. Money and love have nothing to do with each other) I am always upfront about this with my gfs.

- GFs usualy start getting curious about my finances at ~1 1/2 year mark of an exclusive relationship.

Answer 1

Hmmmm interesting...I need a sugar daddy....interested?

Just kidding, I am happily married with adorable kids....but anyway ...I agree. Eventually, you will have to tell someone how much you make, but if you aren't serious, then I wouldn't tell much if anything. Good luck!

Answer 2

It is NOT the women that changed because it is revealed that you are 'rich', it is YOU! Think about it. Only you know your finances. You voluntarily answered a question about your finances to these women then size them up negatively that they only want your money based on what you honestly answer. Why can't you say you are bankrupt? Again, only you know your finances!

WTF?

If your business falls apart tomorrow and you lose everything, trust me, it can happen . Which woman would stick by you is the question you should ask them after it is revealed that you got it going on. The type of women you are taking out would be bold enough to ask about your financial status after a $200 dinner from a man who apparently is showing off drops down big dollars on a meal in front of them.

Granted your business is successful and you could afford the expensive dinner, but how does she know that? She is probably thinking she may have to delve out the entire bill for the vacation, dinner and gifts because you USED to have it going on. She probably was sizing your azz up! Ever thought about that?

Reveal your financial status when you are in a trusting, mutual respectable relationship. Simply tell the biatch that it is none of her business if she asks how much you make or simply ask her how much she makes.

If your goal is to screw her and leave her, you better reconsider revealing anything or you might be baby rich daddy real quick.

I could give an eff how much you make and would never ask because I have no intentions of sharing my chit with a man who did not support or help me get to where I make millions. LOL! Same should go for you men who think women want your money.

Answer 3

I try to stay away from conversations involving money, but then again, its a good thing for you that they found out about you being well off, and the reason why is that you had the benefit of seeing them for who they really are before the relationship got too deep, there are way too many gold diggers and skanks out their these days, if i could go back and do it again, i honestly think i would have refrain from ever dating any women while i was in the military, military men have the same issues, maybe not quite cash wise, but benefits and the glamor of being with a military member is what they want half the time, not the person who we are.

Answer 4

First of all, why do you assume that the guys are the one's making the money? That's pretty sexist, and not very accurate in today's society. I make substantially more money than my husband, but it has never been an issue. He doesn't ask exactly how much I make, and I don't volunteer the information. Before a big purchase, he just asks me if I think it's all right financially (i.e., can we afford it?).

If someone really presses you to tell them your salary, I think that means that money is far too important to them. You shouldn't have to tell them, and quite frankly, it shouldn't matter to them. If someone really likes you for who youare and what you bring to the relationship, then money isn't an issue.

If a woman asks you in future, try smiling sweetly and asking, "Why do you want to know?" If she pushes the issue, say something polite (while smiling) but evasive, like, "enough". Whatever you do, don't get angry or be short with them, just keep smiling and answering evasively. If they press the issue, then they aren't genuine people and aren't worth your time. That's what I do when people ask me impolite questions like how much I make, how much I paid for my car, or what my house is worth.

Try dating a successful woman who has her own career and decent salary, and you won't run across this issue. Before I was married, I never asked a man how much money he made, because it didn't matter to me. I knew I'd never need a man to support me financially. Good luck!

Answer 5

I never volunteer this information. However, I do not expect most people to understand my financial situation. Empathy is the name of this Game.

Nothing changes the course of a relationship like money. Whether you have too much or not enough.

However I try not to change my behavior. In other words, if it takes me $200 or $20 to get rid of a date or friend, due to their financial immaturity then i consider it an investment in my future. Usually a future without them.

The sooner i tell people that i can afford what ever i want , the sooner i can began to filter the gold diggers, moochers, and spammers.

You should not be penalized for your success.

good luck..

Answer 6

Well to be honest you are truley blessed. In a relationship finances are always a big issue wheather you have $1 or even 1 million. I also don't think you have found the best of women. These days money is a big issue. If you are only dating and fighting about money its not a good thing. It really shouldn't be any of her bussiness anyway. It shouldn't until you get married. Then it should be a joint affort to manage finances.

Answer 7

I've never asked a guy I'm dating how much he makes. If he tells me, that is fine. I never really cared how much he makes, and hope he doesn't care how much I make.

I think it depends on the environment in which your past gf grew up. Maybe discussing money was part of life for them. If so, it is hard to hold it against them.

One guy I dated (casually) bragged about how many figures he made (not exact - ballpark). He had asked me out for dinner, and then at the end of the very pleasant dinner, asked me to pay for my part. I learned that you have to ask up front if it is going dutch, especially when they ask you. I didn't go out with him again, although I remained friendly whenever I saw him.

The next guy I had been friends with for a while, he asked me out to a play and dinner in the city. He was a real reserved person, and I didn't have a clear idea of he was asking me as a friend, or more. So I asked him if we were going dutch. He laughed, said of course not. I still didn't have a clear idea, but that is another story. lol

Hope that helps.

Answer 8

I tell, well its never been a secret in the first place. Well we r not that well off, we went to college together and I dropped out and got a job. My bf studied on and started his own business and we plan our finances together.
I think one should be upfront in the first place to avoid these kinda situations in the long run. Obviously not on the first date but as time goes on there comes a time when you will need to tell her, rather sooner than later.

Good luck!

Answer 9

At some point,obviously, you have to tell or you don't have a relationship built on trust.

Some women want a man who can take care of them. Clearly you are such a man. However, you would most likely prefer a woman who would love you no matter what your income might be.

I think it's appropriate to remain coy about your income. I certainly think it's appropriate to pay for more things than she does (it's traditional for the man to do this, and you can afford it), but I would be very wary about being exceptionally generous until such time as you think you have something serious with her. You'll be very much aware if you're at that point - it's impossible not to know, in my experience.

Answer 10

If they flat out ask like you said, you did the right thing, in my mind. Dropped them. You need to meet girls that don't see anything that you have, and have them want you for you. Maybe have a "beat up" car that you'd pick them up in, and not bring them back to your place for a while. Not drop money the way you are use to, especially in front of them. Find out who they really are before they get to know the "real" you, the money side that is.

Answer 11

I think something like that should be your personal business when you decide to get serious with a women such as move in together or get married that would be an appropriate time to deal with finances together, and then you know she doesnt just want you for your money either!!!