I recently married my husband. His ex-wife has a daughter, not his, that he sees every other weekend. His mother picks her up every other weekend and takes her to the store to buy her clothes and toys. His mother brings her over and the girl always shows off her new stuff. The problem is that I have a five year old son who is now adopted by my husband. His mother NEVER buys him anything. My son is jealous of the girl because 'grandma' always buys her stuff and never him. The girl brings over her stuff to show off to her 'dad' and my son becomes jealous. I dont know if I should say something, but my son is being hurt over this. (I dont think his mother ever accepted me and my son completely. She seems to favor his ex wife and her daughter and buys them a bunch of things and does a bunch of things for them.) What should I do? I feel hurt and left out.
2007-12-08 02:21:21 · 6 answers · asked by the_new_mayhem 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sit down with your husband after your son is in bed for the night and tell him in a non-accusatory way that when your mother brings the girl over and they show of what she has gotten that it hurts your son's feelings and makes him feel like "grandma" does not care about him. Ask him if he could help you come up with a solution to this or speak to his mother on your sons behalf. Let her know that you realize she means well (even if you think she doesn't) but it is hurting your son. If she continues to do this, take your son out to do something like going for walk or to the park when she comes over and make sure he knows how special you and your husband BOTH think he is and how much you love him.
2007-12-08 02:38:27 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's already time for you as a new wife, to stand up to your MIL and tell her how it is hurting your son. It's also hurting you!!
You can't ask her to stop, but you can ask her to do the grandma thing and make it fair!
If at all possible, can you afford to have things bought and wrapped every other weekend and let him open them in front of the girl saying their from grandma too?
It's really not grandmas fault she still likes your hubby's ex. just because their marriage didn't work out, doesn't mean she needs to turn her back on them too.
Give it time for you and her to bond. Instead of sitting back being jealous yourself, get involved with her more than you do. You can't expect others to always make the first move. Most people who are the jealous kind tend to do so. SO stop with being jealous and do something about it.
2007-12-08 02:44:22 · answer #2 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well that's it, isn't it? You are hurt and left out, and you are projecting this on your son. Your husband, now his father, is responsible for addressing this with his mother. You are expecting people to instantaneously have a relationship and its just not possible. I would ask your husband to ask his mother to not show off the new stuff in front of the 5yr old because he feels left out. And I would leave it at that. As his mother, you should be protecting him by removing him from the situation, so when you know that she is coming by, take your son to the park or something he likes to do. And the grandmother isn't doing the daughter any good buying her all that stuff, spoiling children isn't healthy for them, it makes them think that life is a party all the time and they deserve presents just for being there. That's what birthdays and holidays are for.
2007-12-08 02:51:52 · answer #3 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think his mom enjoys playing grandma. however perhaps your husband could tell his mom that she is welcome to buy things for his ex and her little girl if she chooses to do so but that he is now remarried and has an adopted son that she also is welcomed to play grandma to. And that a certain little boy want's to know what he did to make grandma mad because he never gets any little surprises from her. or maybe he could ask her to bring the little girl over for a visit with out all the packages and new stuff unless it also includes a little something for her new "grandson".
2007-12-08 02:51:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
have your husband go to pick him up ,he can see the stuff there and then the boy wont need to bring them with him. then try to get something special for your son every once in awhile that he can be proud of. your husband needs to also tell his mom to quit leaving your son out.
2007-12-08 02:30:07 · answer #5 · answered by marilynfsmgm 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi . i think your hubby should "pamper" your son . he should take him out ... alaso you could secretly get stuff for him .. wrap it up and ask your husband to gift it on/off to your son so he can flaunt his gifts too .
Maybe your husband has not been able to accept your boy fully ..and its natural.. it takes time.. you can talk to him abouy helping each other out like this .
Cos this age is very important of your kid and his spirits should not be dampened by silly fammily probs!
good luck!
2007-12-08 02:36:54 · answer #6 · answered by barley 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋