not happy... what should i do?

Question

me and my boyfriend aren't happy together. we've been together for 10 months. we just argued last night. it's a long distance relationship. i don't know what to do. :( i'm starting to like another guy because he is close to me but i don't wanna break my relationship of 10 months with my boyfriend. what should i do?

we've been a arguing a lot..he's very insecure...i understand it tho because i've been molested a lot and he doesn't want me to have guy friends..and other things. i love him for being protective but hes kiling me when he says i'm cheating on him.

Answer 1

I've been in a long distance relationship for 4 years i know how hard it can be. It takes a lot of communication, trust and honesty so it you two aren't able to do that then there maybe some problems. I had a troubled childhood too and my bf being so far away (hes in Germany and me in US) he is protective, and do have a lot of guy friends. The main thing is that i told him my rule, i act the way that i would act as if he was right there next to me, that means if i wouldn't do something in front of him with one of my guy friends then i won't do it period. He used to be the jealous type and so sometimes we argued about it but i told him that long distance relationships are hard and that if i wanted to cheat on him then i wouldn't even bother with the distance and would just have broken up with him. I also do some praising and tell him how safe i feel with him and that i am so grateful to have bf like him. Really think about if you want to be in a relationship or not becuase if you are thinking of another guy already then you have to decide what you want. One of the reasons that you maybe dont want to be in a LDR is that you are getting fustrated with all his accusatioins, tell him that, tell him that the constant accusing and constant arguements is getting to you. It really all depends on you and what you want. If you want to keep the relationship then Email me and i will be happy to give you some ways of keeping it a bit stronger. Or just email me if you have more quesitons. Good luck

Answer 2

Relationships are hard in general. Long distance relationships are very hard.

If your boyfriend doesn't trust you away from him he won't trust you near him either. If there is no trust between you then the relationship isn't going to work anyway.

On the flip side you also said you are starting to like another guy. This makes it sound like you may in fact be considering moving on to this other guy which is likely what your boyfriend was fearing. Have you mentioned this guy to him? Maybe he has picked it up from you rather than just being generally insecure.

The question is do you see yourself with him in 5 years? With the other guy in 5 years? Or do you feel you're not ready to commit at all? Are you away at school - if so are you planning on going back after that?

Its a matter of what you want in the future. Your decisions in the present should be based on that. You can't dump him then expect to go back as if nothing happened later.

From what you wrote it sounds to me as if you're already leaning toward seeing the other guy. If so you should break up with the remote boyfriend rather than string him along as a backup.

Answer 3

First of all, are you just dating this long distance guy because you had a great relationship for 10 months, or you pity him? If so, I think you should end it now. Secondly, talk things over with your boyfriend, but don't mention your feelings for that other guy. See if your boyfriend still loves you, you can usually tell without asking him if you want to. Another thing, one argument shouldn't kill your whole relationship, and if it does, this guy is NOT the guy for you. If you're not happy with your boyfriend, you may want to gently call it off. It's only natural that you're going to have some feelings for people that you see everyday. Right now, you have to think about what makes YOU happy. If your current boyfriend isn't all you wanted and more, I think you can find yourself better. Think about your future. Is he ever coming back? Could you ever decide to go to him? Is he really the one for you?
Really, it's up to you to decide how you feel. Just follow your heart (or, if you don't believe stuff like that), follow your head or your intuition.
Good Luck!

Answer 4

I think you already know what to do, you just want to hear someone else verbalize what you've been thinking...maybe for the validation that it would imply. Maybe I can help you by restating your facts: You're not happy. You two argue excessively (and presumably unproductively). You're in a long distance arrangement. You like someone else.
Ten months is a substantial amount of time, but it's only a drop in the bucket against the course of a lifetime. So, that in and of itself isn't a reason to stay if you're not happy and fulfilled. Good luck to you as you make this decision.

Answer 5

Hey...you need to just think over this issue. Perhaps it's not as grave as you think it seems right now. Is it just because of last night's argument that you're concluding that the two of you aren't happy together? Just analyse your reasons of why you are not happy. A long-distance relation doesn't mean that it has to go bad.

As for liking someone else, we all have a couple of flings with other people while we are dating someone. As long as it doesn't get too serious, this other guy you like may just be a passing attraction.

Wait, think, dwell upon it. Don't let break-up be your first choice.

Answer 6

People grow and change. You don't say, but you sound like you're young. People and circumstances change, so it's ok to admit this and move on. I once had a boyfriend who had to move away and we knew that at our age (we were 15), distance would make it impossible to stay together, so the night he left, we broke it off. I missed him, yes, but we both were able to continue on with our lives without feeling guilty. Who knows, he may be feeling the same as you. Talk to him about it. It's commendable of you not to take your relationship lightly, but there comes a time one must face the facts, and the fact is, you're unhappy. It doesn't matter your age, you should move forward with your life and may the best be yet to come.

Answer 7

If you are not happy then stop it.
You say you do not want to break up with him but you do not say why.
Long distance relationships are notorious for not working out.

You need to figure out why you want to stay with someone that you are not happy with and then take the appropriate actions.
I know that you will continue to lead your boyfriend on and see the new guy at the same time.
You are just fooling yourself.
Perhaps you do not want to break up with him because you do not want to confront him and say the words, many people are weak like that, but it builds character and confidence to make up your mind and carry out what ever needs to be done.

Be strong adn just end the not working relationship.
It may be tough at first, breaking up with the bf, but it will free you up to persue a relationship that makes you happy.

Good luck

Answer 8

I am all about long distance relationships, if they started in person so to speak. Life is too precious to not feel the love and comfort of your partner next to you every day. You desreve the forhead kisses, the hand holding, the winks across the room, the satisfaction of knowing he is yours when another girl looks at him. If you truly care about him, you should be with him. If you are fighting about jealousy and trust now, it will never work when you are together in person, Go with your heart, make yourself happy, cause that is truly the only thing that matters.

Answer 9

You probably don't want to hear this, but it's better to have no boyfriend than a boyfriend you aren't happy with. You're missing so many great opportunities by being taken by a guy that you aren't happy with. Try to save the relationship, but I don't think it'll work. You're probably just going to have to break up with him and get over it. Wherever he is, he'll probably find someone else too (if that makes you feel any better) And he'll be happy too.

Answer 10

Yeah 10 months is so long...

Just kidding, look your long distance relationship is at the start of a downward spiral. If you already have another guy you like chances are your boyfriend has another girl he likes.