How do I deal with the guilt of putting my cat to sleep even though it was time?

Question

He was in pain...
I miss him terribly and feel so guilty.

Answer 1

I feel for you. The first dog I owned that was just mine (not the wonderful family dog we had growing up) is still the love of my life. I only had her a little over 10 years and she was so strong and the vet and I thought so healthy. Turns out there was a massive tumor pressing against her heart and lungs. I nearly died when I heard the diagnosis of why my beautiful baby girl was having such trouble breathing and did not feel well. I asked about surgery and when I hear the odds and the recovery time and how much time that would buy her, I could NOT put her through all that when if she pulled through she'd be in constant pain until she died a few months later. I had to make the decision and I still have agony over it and the date of her death was 13 June 2001. Clearly I am NOT going to "get over it."

I do not even know if I did the right thing, because she seemed to know what was happening and seemed somewhat confused. However, I can look God in the eye and say, "I am sorry if I should not have done it, but I only wanted to save her the agony I knew was coming. If there was one microscopic particle of me that didn't love her totally, I AM damned already." I know I can say that and be confident that I only had love for my sweet girl. I spent a huge portion of what I make in a year in that last week trying to get her well. I have her ashes in my computer room where I spend most of my conscious time in life. She is on my mind and in my heart every second of every day.

She was a jealous dog--never wanted ME to touch another dog or even acknowledge its existence. My parents live with me and she wasn't too concerned about their playing with other dogs, but she owned me and knew it. However, though I barely slept for days after her death--hard to sleep with a broken heart and soul and crying out more than you drink--I had this strong feeling that she wanted me to get another dog. Not a replacement. That is impossible. She also did not replace the beautiful soul I'd known as our first dog. I talked to my father (by then my mother had died) and he agreed to another dog, but was shocked I would get one when he'd never seen anyone grieve like I did.

I followed what I felt my girl wanted. I went to the shelter on 21 June and we looked at the dogs. It was horrid. All I could was think of how many healthy dogs would be euthanized. I kept asking volunteers, "Are you familiar with the dogs?" None were. We took one out to visit with that my Dad took a fance to. Very standoffish dog. Not right. Finally THE volunteer I needed came in and I told her what I needed: a dog that was relatively young because I can't handle losing them. A dog that could be loved on constantly and it would be nice if he'd return some affection.

She said I wanted a "mooshy" dog and I said yes. She said, "I have THE dog for you." She brought us a German Shepherd mix we'd both noticed and in a few minutes it was a done deal. Poor Max has had a tough row to hoe--he couldn't understand why I kept crying so hard. But he is "mooshy" and we do love each other (and he's crazy about Dad who is crazy about him) and I know my beloved set this in motion.

I miss her daily and still feel a degree of guilt (anyone who thinks the power of death is godlike and APPROPRIATE for humans is wrong or twisted. To end the life, even for the good of that loved one, is a horrid pain.) I know I did what had to be done. If I'd woken up to find she'd died I would still be devastated. Death is painful.

I still talk about my Tina. Sometimes I dream about her. I have her pictures. I also think about Princess, our family dog growing up, and I miss her every day. That is 30 years and 6.5 months ago that I lost saw her (my mother had her put down shortly after my brother and I left for college. Princess was very ill. I think we were probably cruel to keep her alive so long as we did considering how sick she was, but we just couldn't part with her. We even wanted to take her to college with us.)

At some point, you have to remember the joy they brought and make their deaths a small part of the memory of them. You have to know that you would have done anything for the loved one--and you did. At times I wish I'd just gotten her pain meds and let her pass peacefully. Somehow that idea is NEVER presented by anyone when you're in total distress.

I guess we just have to realize we ended the dying process, we didn't end their living. I am so sorry for your loss.

Answer 2

My heartfelt sympathy to you on the loss of your sweet furbaby.

Please do not feel guilty for releasing a cat in pain where there is no hope for recovery. It is the kindest, most loving act a loving owner can do for their beloved pet.

Please do give yourself time to grieve the loss. Grief counselors believe even though the process is much like that for a human, the emotions are more intense for a pet. The reason is that we are the sole, primary caretaker for a pet making the connection deeper.

There are several good pet grief websites and I have attached a couple below. They have many good resources to help you work through the grief process. You can post a memory tribute to this sweet furbaby on them, too.

If you have other cats in the home, they may grieve this loss also. I have attached a link for grief in cats for you.

I know you will miss him. Reminsce the good times before he was ill and let those memories make you smile.

Here is a poem that gave me peace when my beloved Maybelle crossed the bridge in July. I hope it brings you comfort, too.

Purrs and prayers for you.


Poem For Cats

And God asked the feline spirit
Are you ready to come home?
Oh, yes, quite so, replied the precious soul
And, as a cat, you know I am most able
To decide anything for myself.

Are you coming then? asked God.
Soon, replied the whiskered angel
But I must come slowly
For my human friends are troubled
For you see, they need me, quite certainly.

But don't they understand? asked God
That you'll never leave them?
That your souls are intertwined. For all eternity?
That nothing is created or destroyed?
It just is....forever and ever and ever.

Eventually they will understand,
Replied the glorious cat
For I will whisper into their hearts
That I am always with them
I just am....forever and ever and ever.

Author Unknown

Answer 3

The look was a plea for help, she needed you to relieve her pain and suffering. Even a dog has a sense of dignity. You are hurting at the loss, but she is finally out of pain. All dogs go to heaven. And live in our hearts forever. When my old dog was so sick and in pain I took her to the Vet. I walked in carrying her because she hurt too much to walk. They had been treating her for a while so they knew me, they saw the sad look on my face because I knew what I had to do for her. I could have left her with the vet and waited outside. But I swore she would not be alone. The Vet is a very kind man and was sad too. He let me stay with her after she was gone. I still miss her even though it's been 7 years. Her protege' is 9 now and is mentoring a 5 year old mix breed. I have had two dogs pass out of my life and two now in my life. All the memories are wonderful, even the painful ones. The were my faithful pals, the least I can do is be there to the end.

Answer 4

Your cat was sick and in pain everyday. You did the right thing! You have no reason to feel any guilt! If you didn't put him/her to sleep even though you knew he/she was suffering in pain everyday then you would have reason to feel guilty!!! I have 2 cats and I love them more than many of my friends! I'm sorry for your loss but you would have been being selfish if you hadn't put your cat to sleep!!! Feeling guilty is sometimes part of the grieving process. Your cat is thankful that you ended all the pain. Now he/she is living it up, where it's all the catnip you can handle, HUGE buffets with the best tuna and mice any cat could want!!! I hope I helped you feel a better!

Answer 5

I did not feel guilty at all when I had my cat Friski put to sleep. She was 18 or 19 years old at the time and was getting sluggish. She had a love of laying on the tops of car tires or huddle up close to them. One night my now X boyfriend were going to the store late at night. When we pulled out I felt a bump. I didn't think much about it as it didn't feel odd and there are always bumps.

My X then looked in his rear-view mirror and got a look of horrof on his face. I turned back to see the cat I'd had since I was seve years old, laying in the gutter, writhing in agony. It still to this day give me chills and shudders to think of that image.

There was little blood but I knew it was over. Her hind quarters had been crush, probably driving bone into her vital organs. If nothing else, she would be paralyzed for life.

It took me a long while to get someone to take me to have her put down. It was late at night so we had to go to a special vet fairly far from us. The ride there was awful and I was just about to lose it. I had her on my lap in a shallow box and wrapped in a towel. Occasionally she would struggle very hard. She was purring...I knew this time her purr meant she was in pain. My X wasn't helpful as every time she struggled he would say, "She's going into death throes!!!"

We finally made it to the vet and I said a quick good bye.

I was devastated. And the way it came for her in such a violent way made it all the worse. Not to mention my being a passenger in the car that did the deed and feeling that "bump".

You just have to know you did the right thing. Quality of life is what it's all about. Living in an endless world of pain and decline is not quality of life. It's torture.

Here is a resource that might help:
http://www.petloss.com/

I hope you find some comfort.

Answer 6

Don't feel guilty for it. It will get easy in time though. A few years ago my cat died, got hit by a car. I remember in the morning before I left he threw up and i was mad and put him outside. I never got to say bye to him or anything, I had him for a long time and he was like my best friend =]. For a long time I felt so bad, wondering if he hurt, if he would've been ok had I gotten home sooner. No one even bothered telling me, not the person who did it, not my neighbors, i was so angry that it happened. And no one cared that I was upset because people think, whatever, it's just a cat. Don't feel bad though, I would've rather put my cat down for the best thing for him, than have what happened to him. I still miss him and wish he was still here =[.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v201/striving_to_4get/kitty.jpg
my baby <33. Everything will get better, you'll still miss him but in time you will feel good about what you did, you helped him.

Answer 7

If you need to talk to someone "live," there are a number of free pet grief counseling hot lines sponsored by veterinary schools to help you. A few have toll-free numbers. See the link below.

Euthanasia decisions are always difficult, but they're the right choice when a beloved pet is suffering and no more can reasonably be done to help. It's the last great act of kindness an owner can do for their pet.

I am sorry for your loss (been there many times with my own pets).

Answer 8

First of all, I'm sosorry you are going through this. Having 3 cats now and having had up to 7 at a time I know what you are going through. You have to remember, you did what was best for him, and he is grateful for that even though you might not believe that now. You would want someone to do what is best for you if you couldn't make that choice and that is what you did. Keep your chin up and remember that you made the right choice, I truly believe that. It will get easier and you will remember him for the good times. You won't feel like this 4ever. Try to have a nice day....

Scott

Answer 9

And you will miss him terribly for a while yet. And one day, when the pain of that has eased off, you may be able to tell yourself that you did the best you possibly could. Cats are amazing animals. Do you imagine that he didn't understand your love for him?
I too had this situation. Mine was loopy and old, not in pain, but a risk to herself. I carried that guilt for 3 years. It would take too long to explain what happened then, but I was given a gift that made me see that It was okay. I didn't do it out of malice, but out of love and that matters.

Hoping you find peace.
Cheers.

Answer 10

i once have to do the same thing to a stray i met at my college. he was lying there, with broken back bone, unable to move. but he looks like he had chance of survival, i even thought the spca people just lied to me because they know he's a stray and it will be costly to treat him!

however,the vet there told me that it is better to let it die in peace than to endure the pain, which is much more cruel if we let it be.

because animal can't think like we human does, so we played a role in this part by making the best decision for the animal. if given chance, maybe your cat also choose to end his dear life

don't feel guilty. because i know your cat couldn't thank you less for making things easier.

so sad that you miss him. it broke my heart to hear things like this.

prayers for you.

i understand exactly what you feel.

Answer 11

Yeah, good luck with that. I went through the same thing with my cat, had to put her to sleep. I felt as if I betrayed her, but, also had to remind myself that she would have lived a life of misery and pain and I didn't want for her to have to suffer like that. The pain dims after time, but I still think about her from time to time. There may be a support group out there that can help you, check with your local SPCA.