Everytime I've visited my brother and his wife it means seeing her whole family. They're drunk, stupid, mean, always fighting. If it's the holidays, I bring gifts. I have yet to get even a Christmas card from any of them, and never a thank you. So I stopped going. It's 6 hours away from where I live, and it's miserable. Why bother?
She caused a fight in our family that left my mother dying without talking to my brother.
One of her nephews invited me to his wedding. I said yes, as he's the only one of the bunch I like. Then my SisInLaw says, "Oh, if you're coming, you can package up all the leftover food from Happy Hour while we go into the reception. We're paying for it, we should take it home!" So I didn't go to the wedding. Again, not worth it. I sent a check.
Now I avoid talking to her. If I call that house, I never get to talk to him. She just blabs on about her family. I email my bro 2X a week. But I really miss him, we used to be so close.
What do I do?
2007-12-07 20:49:08 · 12 answers · asked by rinchkarnk 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'd love to have lunch or something- but we live 6 hours apart!
2007-12-07 21:00:53 · update #1
No shes not trash, shes just a sad person who is part of a sad family, who have no respect for themselves or others. Yes of course you miss your brother and if like me you reminisse over times gone by when you both could talk to each other and laugh. your brother is probably highly embarassed by all this but doesnt know what to do about it, his loyalty now lies with his wife and she sounds like shes the one that rules the roost and he does what he is told. the emails he gets from you are probably the only solice he has in this life, keep on emailing him. Its hard i know, but you are doing the right thing by staying away. Dont go there!! in reality this is your brothers problem, it is him who has to deal with it, if he doesnt see you for long enough, then he will miss you like crazy and he will want to see you, although with some people this can seem to take years to happen, but with most of us, as we grow older we get a little wiser and realise whats important to us. Im sorry but your brother needs to leave this woman and the environment she comes from, they have inflicted so much damage on him he needs to get out and take the time to repair the parts of his life that matter most to him. you on the other hand can only but get on with your own life and just be there for him when he comes some day. the thing is you see, you have got to make him miss you and the miles you are apart can do that for you, contact should grow to very little for a while and dont worry what people think, you love your brother dearly, this is to get him back. I sincerely hope it happens for you, there are no guarantees, you just have to take a gamble sometimes. some people are so slow sometimes to realise what is happening. remember! this is his problem, he married it, he needs to solve it. good luck from an irish man who has been there.
2007-12-07 21:11:12 · answer #1 · answered by traincloud 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I assume you think so. Have you ever sat down and talked with her about what bothers you? What can it hurt? How much of this does your brother know? Has he tried mending any of the fences? You knew what to expect from your sister-in-law, but why did you then punish the nephew you liked? Take a moment to review how you have treated her family, what your expectations were, whether they were realistic, or maybe just a bit too narrow. Perhaps it's time to try starting over. After all, your sister-in-law tried to include you in a family event even if you didn't appreciate it.
2007-12-08 05:01:34 · answer #2 · answered by jelesais2000 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, your sis in law does sound like trash. Very sorry to hear that. However I think you may want to take a one time trip to see your brother, (even if it's 6 hours away) try your best to get through to him and let him know how you feel about the whole situation. Remember to be very clear. By doing this, you can rest assured that you've done more than your part. There's no need to put that burden on your shoulders alone, he should do his part as well.
2007-12-08 05:10:02 · answer #3 · answered by Jay N 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no "law" that says you have to love or even like your sister-in-law. I am sure your brother knows how you feel because of your absentences at certain functions, but then I agree with you, why be around people that aren't your cup of tea. Continue to love your brother and nephews but you don't owe that witch a thing. You can ignore her and when you call if she wants to blab, just say that you have something personal to discuss with your brother and take it from there, it can be done. God Bless.
2007-12-08 05:05:57 · answer #4 · answered by Bethy4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you miss your brother, meet up and talk with him. Ask him in an email if he'd like to go get coffee, lunch, etc. sometime -- just the two of you.
Tell him you miss spending time with him.
EDIT: Since you live so far away, I'm not sure how you could get a chance to talk with him. Just continue emailing him, and you can call him sometimes. You could go to the Christmas get-together this year. You don't have to interact with his wife; just talk to your brother.
2007-12-08 04:55:08 · answer #5 · answered by Abby 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds kind of difficult.
See if you can arrange to meet your brother separately. Talk to him about this.
as for the wedding situation- be up front with your sis in law when she says things like that - Say things like "after driving for 6 hours to get there I will be anxious to get to the reception. Ask the bar to pack it up."
Without being confrontational, You don't need to let your self get stuck with things
2007-12-08 05:00:20 · answer #6 · answered by midtownirene 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From your emails with your brother, you must have some idea of how he feels about his wife. If he loves her and wants to be loyal, there is nothing you can do, just keep your own relationship with him good. Doesn't he have a mobile (cell) phone, so you can call him directly, without speaking to her ?
Just stay good friends with your dear brother, don't mention her much, don't say bad things about her. Gradually he will confide in you if there is anything bad between them. After all, you don't want to be HER friend, it's him you want to stay in contact with. Good Luck (you should meet MY sis-in-law!)
2007-12-08 04:55:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bite your lip and be nice. You don't have to live with her. When you email your bro tell him that you would really like to chat on the phone and arrange a time to call so he can be there to answer it. You can't choose your inlaws but your brother did so they are probably not as bad as you think when you get to know them better.
2007-12-08 04:57:41 · answer #8 · answered by mickstocks2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should talk to your bro and meet him one day by himself.
2007-12-08 04:51:39 · answer #9 · answered by RainCloud 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your brother to see if there is anything he can do maybe he can talk to her.
2007-12-08 04:58:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋