My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years just joined the US Navy, so we had a quick ceremony to get our marriage license before he left. the "wedding" will be in a few months when he's back. Problem: my Dad HATES my husband. Long story: we have a 4 year age difference & had sex before i was 18.. i was 17. & im almost 20 now.. dad read my texts and found out, & hated him since. anyway. my dad (step dad-he adopted me when i was 8 b/c my bio dad left us) & i have always had a rough relationship. we always argued when i lived w/ them,he has said terrible things to me, & never apologized. my mom said shed never forgive me if i dont ask him to walk me down the aisle.. but i dont think i want him to. he hasn't talked to me since we got married, and i dont feel right "begging" him to walk me. he would be hurt if i didnt ask, but he's hurt me too. my brother has been the only real man in my life, and want him to do it.. i hate to cause drama, but i want this to be the best day of my husband and i's life??
2007-12-07 20:31:59 · 23 answers · asked by navywife07 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
It is your wedding ceremony and your brother and you are closer than the stepdad who hates your husband. If he or your mom cause drama for you on your wedding day, let them know this wedding is yours, not theirs. Maybe you can find something else for your stepdad to do that includes him, to appease your mom somewhat. If he isn't talking to you though, how can your mom expect him to participate at all! Congrats on your recent marriage and wish you the best!!!
2007-12-08 00:01:18 · answer #1 · answered by forestbythesea 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that this is a case where maybe you should step up and be the bigger person. Your dad knows what he's done to you. By doing this, you're no better, you're just pushing it right back in his face. I recommend having them walk you together. As your dad gets older, he may come around. And if he's really close to you in a few years, you might regret not having him walk you down the aisle. I really doubt you'll ever regret having the both of them walk you down the aisle. I'm sure this isn't what you wanted to hear.
2016-05-22 03:24:57 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I walked myself halfway and my husband met me in the middle. I did not walk with my father because he was a borderline verbal and emotionally abusive father and after he divorced my mother 8 years ago, he has had little - if any - contact with me. We have become strangers and I was not comfortable having someone I do not know anymore walk me down the aisle. Yes, he was hurt... and he made sure to do what he could to punish me.
You do what is best for you. Your mother should not have put such a burden on you. This is a decision for you to make... not her. If your mother truly cares for you and loves you, then she will not hold this over your head or treat you any differently if you do not ask your father.
Society does not view the father walking down the aisle the same way anymore. It is not a requirement or an expectation that the father do the honor...especially when you are not close to him. Mothers of the bride, uncles of the bride and even brothers of the bride can do the honor! If you believe your brother is the man for the job, then you should ask him! Just be sure you are leaving your father out of the picture for the right reasons...and not as a punishment for hurting you in the past. Be true to yourself... I wish you all the best!
2007-12-08 01:40:40 · answer #3 · answered by Kim 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Have your brother walk you down the aisle, but talk to your step-father and let him know that you do want him to be at your wedding and that he has been an important part of your life (maybe not always a good part, but your mom does love him and you do think of him as your dad). Try not to cause a rift in your family. Your dad will eventually learn to like your husband.
2007-12-08 01:34:32 · answer #4 · answered by orangeflameninja 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is the beginning of your future as an adult, married woman. I would ask my brother to walk me down the aisle, but have some other special job for your parents to do as a couple.
It will send the message that you acknowledge the special place they hold in your life but that you will not be guilted into doing something because others think it is the right thing to do. Congratulations and I hope your day is wonderful!
2007-12-08 11:31:25 · answer #5 · answered by dizzkat 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just ask your brother to do it! If your mom has a problem, just say "I'd rather have someone blood related to do something of this nature". BTW-I'm in the EXACT same situation. I don't want anyone other than my brother, or my uncle walking my down the aisle.
Your mom will get over the fact you don't want your step-dad (real dad... which ever you call him)... to do it. It's YOUR choice. If she's mad, she won't be mad for too long.. trust me.
Don't let someone else jeopardize an important day in your life. If you do, you'll only hate yourself later and regret the people that made you do it.
2007-12-07 20:41:21 · answer #6 · answered by PlasticTrees 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Since you are already married, why not walk down the aisle together, and just avoid the drama entirely? Quite frankly the whole idea of being "given away" like you are a piece of property is out-dated anyway. So why not dispense with it, especially as it is causing a big deal in your case? And you are ALREADY MARRIED, anyway - too late now. Just skip this part and skip the drama - then everyone can move on!
2007-12-08 03:08:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Your mother will get over it for you dont ask, if you do ask, YOU will never get over it.
Ask your brother, its the right thing to do.
You have a laundry list of reasons why not to ask him and if they want them, then tick them off one by one to explain your decisions. But the only reason that you have for doing it is to make your mother happy, well guess what. She had her wedding day (2 it sounds like, in fact) this is your day, you call the shots.
2007-12-08 00:31:46 · answer #8 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It should be your brother. Ask him and your mother can deal with it. Or walk alone, but I think your brother is a good choice. If your mother asks you why you chose your brother, tell her that you chose someone who is going to support you in your marriage and in your life, and has done all of that so far and stepdad is not that person.
2007-12-08 02:31:04 · answer #9 · answered by JM 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is your choice of whom you wish to give you away. I am quite certain that your step father will be angry and hurt, but as you say this is you and your husband's big day. Your mother had her big day, twice, so she shouldn't have anything to say in the matter. /However, be prepared, as your mother and step father may not even attend if you make this decision, but if they choose not to it is their decision and you shouldn't let it spoil your day. Some parents feel they have to control everything. You are in for a rough time ahead, may God Bless you.
2007-12-07 20:48:13 · answer #10 · answered by Diane B 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋