I married the love of my life. But he is the oldest of 8 children and his mother is currently seperated with his father. He has young siblings. It was a very sticky seperation. His father really dont have much involvement in his or his siblings lives. I live a couple of blocks from them, yet i find myself there all the time. The family is great dont get me wrong. But i notice his brothers and sisters really look at him as a brother and a father. His mother is dependent on him and his other brother who is a couple of years younger then him. His father takes care of all the fianical problems, so its not like he is literally taking care of them. Ive been married already for a year and half and had my son who is 6months old. I just feel a lot of times that i married a guy with 8 kids. Though i respect him and completely understand how the situation is. i want to start our own family, but all our decisions are based on them its hard to move on. i jus feel dat they are stopping us!
2007-12-07 18:26:29 · 6 answers · asked by Nezzie Y 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Yes, you marry the family too. It says a great deal about his character to be there like that for his silbings. Sit down and talk to him about how you're feeling though. All of your decisions should not be based on what is best for his childhood family. He has a wife and child now that should be considered first. I could understand if dad was a deadbeat who wasn't even meeting his financial responsibility and everyone would starve if not for your husband.
His siblings have a father and a mother and they need to step up and be the parents regardless of the difficulties they are going through. If his siblings are young however, they will need him for support to get through the current situation. He is a neutral party to them that they can go to without having to go between mom and dad. He still needs to be considerate of how you're feeling.
Best of luck!
2007-12-07 18:37:45 · answer #1 · answered by MISS H 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DON'T start your own family just yet. Why? You can practice on his younger siblings first and find out if you have it in you to be a mom and wife at the same time. You married this guy with your eyes wide open knowing this is how his family is. If you want your husband to love you more, you help him with his family first and make it known to him that whomever he loves, you will love as well. Had the family been cruel or nasty to you, I'd tell you a different course of action. But I hate to say it, if your husband was Santa Claus, you'd have to be Mrs. Claus for the rest of his siblings and they will love you more for it. Take your time, you're still young.
2007-12-07 18:32:45 · answer #2 · answered by Equinox 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are the siblings underage? If they are he is going to do this until they are raised. I can understand your frustration but you married a good man. His mother needs help and his siblings need a father figure. What could he do but step up to the plate. The decisions in your life should not be made solely on them. That is not fair to you. Have you talked to him about this? I would try that. Do not sound accusing or upset about it. Just tell him how you feel. Normally you do not marry their family but this is a special circumstance.
2007-12-07 19:49:14 · answer #3 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a verey hard situation. I am sorry you have this burfen through your husband. Talk to him about the time limits he needs to set with the Mom and sibs so he has the time for you and the baby and you can build your own family. You say that at least the father supports them. In my opinion 2 times a week is more than enough for him to go over there. Siblings need to call before coming to your home and it has to be not often enough to make you feel crowded.
I am the oldest of 10 and needed to set my own limits .
2007-12-07 18:36:37 · answer #4 · answered by Nora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your situation is common to many young marrieds! You are not alone.Please do not try and make him hate his family..and please he ought not make his family of birth more important that his wife.
It seems like you and your husband need to initiate a weekly date night Every single week. Get a baby sitter if you need to so its just the two of you! It will make Your marriage better and do it for all your married life if only for a a couple of hours or so EVERY week put it on the calendar! if its to go somewhere fancy or somewhere like even if its Mc donald's and have a coke with lots of refills as you can talk and share or maybe for a walk. talking and holding hands... Use it to talk about Your plans together and Your hopes and dreams for family and a future. YOUR marriage is one that was made for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, until death do you part. that's a vow.
Sometimes the first year of marriage is hard to learn how to be Married so that you both consider the needs and plans of the other Before committing to help anyone else (unless its your job) including extended family be it your's or His. In-law's or siblings are family but they are not in your marriage.
It is kind to share what you have with others but your vow is to the mate first.
I have been married for 32 years, taught Marriage classes for 13 years, and am the only member of my large family that is still married and still in love with their spouse. It takes commitment and Him being able to define the boundaries of your marriage to His brothers and sisters.
You can all enjoy each other if everyone understands boundaries and respect of each other.
For Christmas time, many young marrieds spend part of the day with one family and another part with the other family until they have a home and want to invite them to THEIR place.
Still other marrieds who live far away from their family travel to visit the family on the weekend before Christmas or after Christmas. You and your husband need to talk and decide what is best for This year and then make plans for what You both want for Next year... a year in advance..same goes for gift giving and traditions.
It takes time. Just ask and listen, then share and decide what is best for both of you, and your new family to come along in the future. Money may have a lot to do with His decisions. It gets easier in time but do take pictures and enjoy your youth. If you have a local church group to spend time with that has helped many to be able to see what is best for everyone involved. Never give up! It is worth the struggles Just keep talking and holding hands.
2007-12-07 18:59:51 · answer #5 · answered by Joni K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes unfortunately you do if you and your fiance are on the same wavelength of how much control his family should or should not have in your lives then go for it.otherwise you will be battling al of them and constantly causing distance between you guys.
2007-12-08 01:41:19 · answer #6 · answered by shellya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋