My friend is in this position and I find it difficult to console him. I've been listening to what he has to say but I feel that if I truly told him how I felt he'd be very hurt.
He falls hard in love very easily and tends to go for women who are already taken. After the inevitable rejection, he goes through a crazy cycle of self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness. Right now he's beating himself up by comparing himself to her partner and assuming he isn't good enough...
I feel for him, but I honestly think he's being ridiculous. I just don't want to offend him by seeming insensitive.
2007-12-07 17:32:03 · 10 answers · asked by Flora 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thank you all for sharing. Your answers were truly appreciated.
2007-12-09 07:20:09 · update #1
He's setting himself up for these painful comparisons by purposely choosing women who are taken. If he says, "I have no control over that" - well, he does. Everyone else has to control themselves from pursuing taken people, so why can't he?
I think he gets some gratification from putting himself into an impossible position and then punishing himself. You can't stop this at all. What you can do is give him a limit on how long he can go on about it, and after that limit, you will not talk about it anymore that evening. If you keep listening and listening, you're actually enabling him to indulge in these masochistic thoughts.
He's not being ridiculous because it's rather tragic. But he is being irrational. And he's also burdening others with his drama.
2007-12-07 17:45:47 · answer #1 · answered by Marina 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Here are some starter questions to ask him ( hopefully this will help him see it isn't HIM, it is really her):
1.) What kind of person knowingly leads another to think that there is something possible when there isn't? 2.) And why on earth would you want to ever trust such a person?
3.) How many times did you think you were being avoided before you realized you were being avoided? 4.) Why would you put your heart into someone who doesn't care enough to simply say " sorry, but I am just not interested".
Do you see where I am going?
I don't know the particulars of what happened, like did she lead him on, etc.
But without actually name calling or anything, sometimes it helps to point out the obvious and let him heal.
I feel sorry for your position, it must be very hard.
2007-12-07 17:39:53 · answer #2 · answered by Lisa M 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-26 14:36:04 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to stop liking more of those already taken ladies. Most of the time he will cause trouble upon himself and people surround him. Some of them women, they wouldn't like him if they know he still inlove with them when he's liked that. Creepy!
Do you guys have women shortage issue or somethin'?
2007-12-07 17:48:07 · answer #4 · answered by Dongfeng!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can always comfort your friend, but they have to learn to get over it themselves to truly come out of their funk and stop feeling down.
I happen to have some friends of my own that do the same thing. They start thinking that there must be something wrong with them, and that they'll never find anyone. I just reassure them that there's someone out there for them, and that whoever gets them is one pretty lucky guy/girl.
2007-12-07 17:37:32 · answer #5 · answered by Abby 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think by not telling him how you really feel, you in a way, let him continue the way he sees himself as worthless. he needs a reality check and as a friend, there is no better person to give him one. also, it could be that he likes the attention and your sympathy. try being insensitive and see how he reacts.
2007-12-07 17:53:42 · answer #6 · answered by andrewhuynh265 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him it just doesn't make sense very often to take someone's rejection as usually they may not be able, not just unwilling, to take their advances, and for various reasons beyond understanding.
2007-12-07 17:40:27 · answer #7 · answered by Blue Hues 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move on and find someone who isn't taken.
2007-12-07 18:29:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
find someone better, they're just not one. if you want to go chasing after them i guess you can but what a way to waste your life. move on!
2007-12-07 17:36:18 · answer #9 · answered by ALEXwing.naruto 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
move on. there are lots of grls out there. improve confidence, i see he had little confidence
2007-12-07 17:39:22 · answer #10 · answered by Roberto H 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋