Nursery Rhymes?

Question

I need some twisted nursery rhymes pleaes

Answer 1

Mary Had a Little Lamb

Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two hunks of bread.

Little Miss Muffet

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider
That crept up beside her,
But Little Boy Blue and his horn.

Simple Simon

Simple Simon met a Pieman,
Going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
Pies, you ********.

Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses
And all the kings men,
Said "F*ck him,
He's only an egg."

Mary Had a Another Lamb

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it's ***,
And turned it's wool to nylon.

Georgy Porgy

Georgie Porgy, pudding and pie.
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too, cause he was gay.

Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill,
To have little fun.
Jill, that dill
Forgot her pill,
And now they have a son.

Old Mother Hubbard

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over
Rover took over,
And gave her a bone of his own.

Little Boy Blue

Little Boy Blew.
Hey. He needed the Money.

Answer 2

I don't like to post links instead of answers here, but there is no way I could type these here without getting reported lol. You can't beat Andrew Dice Clay for twisted nursery rhymes, check them all out in the left column of this page:

http://www.rotten.com/library/bio/entertainers/comic/andrew-dice-clay/

Answer 3

I know I'm gonna get bashed for this one but I didn't make it up. It is a real one just not printed in newer books any more because of the controversy.
Ten Little N*****S.

www.htl-steyr.ac.at/~morg/privat/misc/tenlittle.html

Answer 4

Mary Had a Little Lamb

Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two hunks of bread.

Answer 5

enable me edit the jack and jill one Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana Jack have been given severe unzipped his fly and suggested "Jill do ya wanna" Jill suggested definite shall we've some exciting yet stupid Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son :)

Answer 6

Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone
When she bent over, rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own.

______________________________________________________
Little Jack Horner was in the corner f ucking his cutie pie,
Stuck in his tongue, made the ***** com, and said what a good boy am I
______________________________________________________
Jack Sprat can swing his bat, His wife can spray her mace, So when he'd hit her from behind, she'd spray him in the face.

Mary had a little lamb, Her bestiality case comes up next week.

Answer 7

just make your own!
Its really easy
Yeah!

Answer 8

no

Answer 9

you have enough