My fiance' and I got engaged two months ago, and we've been together nearly two years. His older brother and girlfriend of five months got engaged a couple weeks ago because she had it in her head she had to be married before a certain age. She insists on having her wedding next fall, knowing that ours is the following fall. The main issue is that they announced their engagement in church before us. My fiance and I haven't been able to attend together for a few weeks due to our manager putting him on schedule temp during church time. Now people from chruch have heard we're engaged, and they congratulate us, but say something along the lines, "Oh, you're engaged too?" as if we're trailing after his brother and fiancee'. It bothers me that they announced before us when we've been engaged nearly two months before them. I'm happy for them, but a little miffed. Am I wrong? And how would you handle this situation?
2007-12-07 16:44:57 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Why does everyone assume jealousy? I'm not jealous, and am happy for them, but wish they would have been a tad more considerate. I have no intention of being her rival, though she appears to have every intention of being mine. I'm not rising to her bait, though I am looking up at it with a rather ticked off expression. Personally, I have the better of the two brothers as mine is finishing college, has a nice paying job, and is my everything and all that entails. The brother is a 27 year old who's never left home except for the 6 months he spent in the Army. He got a dishonorable discharge. Loafs around, and gets babied by his mom, not to mention that his idea of a conversation is "Uh, okay." I will give his fiancee' credit for getting him out of the room he's inhabited since he was 11.
2007-12-08 05:28:41 · update #1
I won't be sharing my wedding plans with her, because that doesn't seem to wise with her current disposition. I don't know how to handle her, she seems nice enough, but underneath is this wannabe rival. When she saw my ring, I heard her whisper to my fiance's brother that hers had better be bigger. I don't mind that at all, as my ring is exactly what I wanted (my fiance' didn't even know that when he picked it). Her pettiness disturbs me.
2007-12-08 05:32:32 · update #2
I would be bothered by it, yes, but I would be more bothered by the fact that she seems determined to be your rival, and has no idea what "etiquette" is. The couple who is engaged first, announces first, and the couple (of the same family) who's engaged second, announces second. Simple as that. As for when they marry, that's up to them, but it is a little odd that she chose to have her wedding exactly a year before yours...There really isn't much you can do, spare keeping yourself from becoming as petty as her. Weigh what is more important to you--happy family relations, or strained family relations. Don't worry about her stealing your thunder either, because by the time of your wedding, hers will be old news, and yours will draw everyone's attention. The fact that she's so focused on marrying by a certain age is worrisome to say the least. That is not a solid foundation for any relationship, let alone a marriage. I certainly hope that there's more to her wish to marry your fiance's brother than that.
2007-12-07 17:13:03 · answer #1 · answered by LunaRossa 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yup, sorry, you are simply suffering from "damn, I should have gotten there first" syndrom. Should-a, would-a, could-a and it's in the past.
If announcing your engagement was so important, you two should have figured out a way to do it early on during the engagement. Luck of the draw would have it that the other couples timing worked in their favor.
Blow it off, there is nothing you can do about it now. Instead, focus on you and your future husband. Focus on planning the wedding, honeymoon and life the two of you really want. Unless you have a time machine, not much you can do about what has already happened.
2007-12-08 03:18:04 · answer #2 · answered by bluefish787 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you're wrong, and you're acting immature. They are not going to stop living their lives because you got engaged. No one is seeing your engagement as "trailing" after his brothers, that's just the way it's happening. You kind of did this to yourself too, by not announcing your engagement for 2 months. Most people generally announce their engagement right off the bat, they can't wait to shout it from the rafters. You decided not to, so when his brother got engaged (and probably did shout it from the rafters), and then folks realized you guys were engaged as well (but weren't sure), they were like "Oh, you guys are engaged too?" I'm sure everyone has been congratulating you guys just as much as they've been congratulating his brother.
There is no way for you to handle this situation, except to wish your future brother and sister in law best wishes, and share their joy and excitement. You're going to hopefully be related to these people for a long time, please don't start the relationship off on a bad foot. Remember, first impressions are usually lasting impressions.
Congratulations on your engagement. Good luck with planning your wedding!
2007-12-08 02:53:43 · answer #3 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
No, you aren't wrong, just a little jealous - or so it seems. I would handle the situation by saying "yes, we are engaged".
You could always do a lovely formal engagement announcement if you feel the need to "one up" them. But keep in mind that you are setting yourself up for a competition that neither couple is going to enjoy.
I really recommend that you let it go and enjoy your own wedding planning.
2007-12-08 11:44:01 · answer #4 · answered by nova_queen_28 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be more concerned with the fact that they got engaged after a short time of dating just because she wants to get married by a certain age. Just think of this...they can be the ones to announce their divorce.
Be the bigger person. Who cares who announced first...don't let her rain on your parade. Enjoy your engagement. Don't share any of your wedding plans with them (so she doesn't take them from you) and plan for your lifetime together.
2007-12-08 08:22:01 · answer #5 · answered by ilene m 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would deffinatly be a little ticked, if my boyfriends sister said she was getting married before we announced our official engagement (unofficially engaged at the mo), seeing as she just started high school, lol... but i understand what you are saying, and to me, it kinda seems as she wants the spotlight... i am a little concerned about how she has it set in stone she wants to be married before a certan age... personally i would talk to your fiance', and see what he says, and then talk to his brother and his girlfriend/ fiance'. i mean, it would really be bad, if there was a riff in the family over this right? this is a happy time for all 4 of you.
i do hope everything works out, and congrats!
2007-12-08 01:42:38 · answer #6 · answered by firegodess917 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
im not in your situation. But enjoy being engaged couples together. i know a couple of sisters who got engaged around the same time, and decided to get married on the same day. their tastes were different, but they compromised and saved their parents ALOT of money, travel expenses etc. This might be an idea for you and your future sil. Good Luck.
2007-12-08 09:18:31 · answer #7 · answered by Leslie Y 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's not that big of a deal. Just say, yes, isn't it great--2 weddings in one family! If you say, well, we were engaged first, you will surely come off as the jealous and petty one.
2007-12-08 07:17:39 · answer #8 · answered by melouofs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like some kind of rivalry simmering in hte background. I'd have a hard look at why you'd resent people knowing about her engagement first - who cares, if you love each other and are happy, what does it matter what people say. Bit of an over-reaction, here, I'd say.
You could 'do' nothing other than say - yes, "Isn't it great that the folks have two happy daughters?"
2007-12-08 01:02:15 · answer #9 · answered by Ergot W 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
To me it seem you are the one being kinda petty. No offense, but stop worrying about what they are doing and just plan your own wedding. Usually you don't have to be at church to have your enagemant announced there...you just let them know. I doubt you 2 will want to same weddings so you both will get planty of attention. Move on. There's nothing you can do except let them live their lives and you live yours.
2007-12-08 20:54:59 · answer #10 · answered by perfect_blue_and_blond 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋