anyone else with special needs children get tired of hearing this?

Question

People always act as if it's devestating that your child is special need's or developmentally delayed. I personally hate hearing "oh I'm so sorry" or Aw that's too bad, or " what's wrong with him?"
seriously, I don't have an issue with the fact that my child is different than other children. I actually feel blessed, God gave me a child that needs special attention, which to me means I am a special person.
My son is not extreme, he has issues that we are dealing with, but even if he was extreme, it would not matter to me.
I would love him every bit the same, if not than more.

um, littlejan lady, I can't believe YOU think the way YOU do! who cares if she can't do certain things that "normal" people can do. She was born that way for a reason. She can Love, she can be loved. I'm sure she isnt missing out on too much of what Life has to offer. My son isnt severe, no, but even if her were, I would accept it as he's my son and that's all that matters. He's loved, he's loving, and I don't care what he can or can't do. And I do not need any sympathy thanks, because to me there is nothing wrong with my son. I will teach him to do the things he needs to do. It will be challenging yes, but I am his mother and that is my job. Theres nothing wrong with a challenge.
I hope your sisters live long happy lives, and don't have to feel like there is anything wrong with them. Because there isnt. They are different. If we were all the same, the world would be a boring place.

Answer 1

I think it's because they think that's what their response would be if it happened to them. They'd feel bad about it, especially at first. No parent starts out thinking it would be nice to have a special needs child. We all want our children to be 100% physically, mentally and developmentally healthy. They probably just don't think they'd get past that initial disappointment to get to the point where you are now (even though most parents of special needs children DO get past that point).

Next time someone says "I'm sorry" or "Aw that's too bad," don't be rude, just look at them and politely ask "Why?"

As for "what's wrong with him," my sister answered that one well, when my niece had to wear a helmet to round out her head since she absolutely REFUSED to have tummy time, so the back of her head was completely flat. They'd be out shopping, and some adult would look at my niece and say "What's wrong with your baby?" My sister got sick of it, so she looked right back at the person and said "She has (I can't remember what the term is for the flat head). What's your excuse?" or "What's wrong with you?"

Answer 2

I don't have a special needs child but my sister has Downs Syndrome and you probably know all the things I have heard. When I was younger I used to fight with my sister, and my friends would ask why I was so mean, and I shouldn't because of the way she is. I have been involved in Special Olympics with her and I laugh because people actually feel sorry for them, I don't, I know my sister is capable and wonderful I don't feel bad at all. I hate when people act like my sister is a burden on us, I never cared I always just saw my sister. These children are blessings! Thank you for bringing this up.

Answer 3

I easily have additionally been in a sexless marriage for terribly almost as long as you have been sexless. i've got meditated leaving too. My husband has a continual ailment besides and he additionally has a low libido (or testosterone) and he refuses to get scientific help for it, so i'm caught all on my own easily. I do love my husband, yet i do no longer understand how many extra years i will bypass on residing like this. our toddlers are youthful than yours. they may be truthfully devastated if I left their father, that's why i won't be able to stroll away truly basic. additionally the shown fact that I nonetheless love my husband deeply complicates concerns. every day, my emotions are torn and that i do no longer understand which thank you to instruct. Do you nonetheless love your husband? If the respond is not any, then bypass now...on a similar time as you are able to. yet once you do, then by all potential stay. lots of spouses nonetheless help their husband or spouse even while they arrive down with self-inflicted scientific issues (like lung maximum cancers from smoking, liver issues from eating, and so on.). This shouldn't possibly be any diverse.

Answer 4

I don't think that a lot of people know how to react to it. They are showing sympathy where they think sympathy should be given so I don't think that they are trying to be mean. I was a sub and worked with special needs children and after that there was a lot more that I understood. Not a lot of people get that opportunity to experience first hand the love special needs kids have and that they are normal just like the rest of us.
Don't let it get you down. People don't always do are say the right things but know that they don't mean to be jerks.

Answer 5

I really don't know how you can think the way you do. Maybe it is because your child is not severe. I would give anything if my daughter could be "normal". Maybe it is because I had two "special needs" little brothers, who are now adults. I know what happens when these kids are no longer kids, how few options they have for the rest of their lives. I want her to be able to HAVE a life of her own, to be independent, to have children and a family of her own. Right now, it doesn't look like she will have any of those options in her future, and that makes me very sad.

I love her very much, and I wouldn't love her any more if she was "normal", but I do mourn for the things she's lost. I know that she has learned alot about overcomming adversity, and so has our family, but I would trade those lessons in a heartbeat to give her all the opportunities she's missing out on.

Answer 6

Ella i hear your pain about hearing things like that.

I dont have children, i can't have children. And i hear some of the same things with a few other lines. I've heard it for years.

Drives me nuts.

I finally got to the point that if someone asked me, i would say child free by choice. which usually shut them up. If they kept going other things would be said.

God never gives you mmore then you can handle.

Answer 7

My daughter was born with a cleft lip/palate, and she has the little tell-tale scar above her lip. I so know what you are saying. I don't like hearing "Oh, eventually you will never KNOW that she even had it..."
People are trying to make me feel better, somehow, LOL, when they really have no concept of what they're actually doing. The scar will ALWAYS be there, but really, it doesn't make a difference. My daughter was beautiful from the beginning, cleft lip and all, and when people tell me that she'll look "even better" after a while, that really bothers me.
She never looked badly to begin with.

Answer 8

When they ask what's wrong with him, they are just curious. You can tell them how things came to be as they are. It didn't bother my parents that someone showed sympathy. One of my brothers became special needs when he was 3.

What we got tired of hearing was how any one certain thing would change his behavior, etc. These people offering THAT kind of advice really don't know what it's like dealing with DD people.

Think about it this way. If they were the ones with a special needs child, and you were them, you'd be saying the same things.

Answer 9

my son was diagnosed with aspergers when he was 4 years old (mild/borderline)

i never got the sympathy vote from people - in fact what set him off in the first place was a bad nursery experience where he was publicly labelled as 'naughty' and the leader shouted at me and accused me of being a bad parent (but never again after i threatened legal action)

at least you are getting people showing some sympathy (more than i ever got when i was being run ragged) rather than being blamed,

rather than get tired of it why not use it as a learning opportunity for those who are saying things like that to you?

Answer 10

Yes I work with Special needs children at multiple schools and I can see how this would get very annoying, just let each person know that and thats about all you can do.