Mom troubles help?

Question

I am going home 8 hours away to see my mom for Christmas, even though our relationship has been strained for many years, even growing up but very signifigant, her no showing at my wedding due to her wanting me to allow (her new husband of 4 months) to give me away. I said no that I wanted my brother to do it and my husband to be supported me. Her retaliation was to no show. Now she has some health issues and we are going home for Xmas to see her based on a recent wish to have us together for Christmas. My husband is awesome, treats me well and is a good sport going along and trying to get along with her. Everytime we go up to visit she suggests that he and her husband hang out then she monopolizes all of my time and excludes my husband. (her wanting girl time is understandable but its whenever we go). How can I be kind to my mom,(its the holidays) but be firm with the fact that she has to accept my husband of ten years as part of me? This really hurts my feelings.

Talked to mom today and she already has a day outing planned for she and I and says my husband can hang out with her husband. GRRRR

I am laughing hysterically at fra fra see below. Thanks Fra Fra! : )

Answer 1

Your Mom sounds very self-centered. You were 100% right at your wedding. It was your day it was rude for her to push her wishes on you. As to your upcoming visit. Try to come up with another activity that all 4 of you can do and just tell your Mom "I would prefer to do something that all of us can do. That way we can spend time together and you can also get to know my husband.!" Then do not back down. It may be difficult, but if you do not stand up to her now, it will never get better. Your new hubby is being great now but if your MOm continues to act this way and exclude him, and you do nothing about it, he may not stay so supportive!

Good Luck! Hope it works out!

Answer 2

You are just going to have to be a big girl and lay down the law. Tell her that you love her, but she has to accept that he is your husband and now part of the family. That he needs to be included in family outings and traditions. If not then do not go home to visit her. She still wants to control your life and you are allowing her to do so and if keep biting your tongue and not standing up for yourself.

Also, it sounds like she has some separation issues because you got married and sees it as your husband is taking you away from her. Why is it okay for her to pout and act like a spoiled child because she did not have her way at YOUR wedding, i'm glad you did not give into that. And what's more, she because of her stubborn behavior, she misse her seeing her daughter walk down the aisle and that is something she will regret the rest of her life. Ask her how this type of behavior is going to build a positive relationship between the two of you? Let her know that if she continues to behave like this she will only be driving a wedge between you and soon be wondering why you never come around.

Answer 3

I know how you feel...I would compromise with her. I would tell her that you want to spend time with everyone at first and if she does that then allow for the girls time. If she doesn't than tell her you love her but your are firm about her spending time as a family first. she may ask you to leave, which I doubt at this point she would if she wants a family Christmas and her health is not good. If she does that you are with the person who counts most which is your husband. good luck....

Answer 4

Just tell her that you guys should go on a double date and hang out with the whole family. I think she wants bonding time with you and is hoping to reconnect with you..so she spends as much time as she can with you. Don't take is as an insult, just talk to her about it, honestly..tell her that you want her to get to know your husband and that you love her. She sounds insecure..maybe that's her problem. Let go of the fact that she didn't show up to your wedding..it was a mistake on her point and she probably realizes that.

Answer 5

Your mother is a needy drama-queen. You will have to draw the boundaries and enforce them. You make the plans and have her abide by them. You will have to use a little psychology.

When you show up on Christmas Eve and drop off presents, sit a spell and visit a little, tell her that you are sorry to have to leave but you have Christmas day planned with your in-laws.

Answer 6

girl you are 13 you shouldn't be so worried about boys...i know you probably don't want to hear that but its the truth...worry about school & being a kid & hanging with your friends b4 u get serious with a boy...if you dont want to be with you bf of 2 years, you are 13 you can definately find someone eles...but wait till you are little older to date ...your mom is very responcible & being a good mom by not letting you go out with a guy you meet online.

Answer 7

time for you to say what you are going to do and if she invites you some place .... just say oh your husband likes doing that too and thank her. I f she says she wants it to be you and her .... tell her X-mas is all about family and spending time all together! Good Lucks

Answer 8

It really sounds like you and your mom are very much alike:

Both of you have your own expectations and both of you are willing to conflict against the other for your rights to the man you love.

And both of you are equally hard-headed.

It sounds like a communications conflict and your poor men are caught in the middle.

So if you and your mom wish to be at peace, you have to let your men be at peace and you both have to calm yourselves down, sit down together like sensible women and just realize how much you both have in common - before you tear yourselves apart.

Answer 9

Tensions are usually at boiling point at Christmas time.I would be be honest and tell her that you want to spend time with your husband as a family.

Answer 10

Be honest with your mother. Tell her it's okay for us to have girly time, but then I want to spend some time with my husband. Later we might all get together. I am sure she will understand. Watch your tone.