tell or not to tell?

Question

i hav found out that my gf is pregnant about four months now, and i still havent told my parents, we are both mature adults.
we are also both from different cultures and this upsets both families,(Pakistani/chinese). i hate to admit it but most of the stress im feeling is considering my familes reaction.
i know how they are, they didnt approve me at first going out with my gf because she was chinese...basically they have old view thinking. to get to my point, i am unsure whether to tell them or not, because i knw how they will react, they will be angry and dis-own me of which i dont want to happen. should i just move away with my gf and tell them in a while when im ready, or tell them prior to the baby being born?

Answer 1

You tell them now and they get over it in a few weeks, or you tell them later when the kid is like 3 or even when its born then they might hate you and the child even longer. But if you tell them now , by the time the baby is born they will love it and your self, and the gf

Answer 2

I want to start my answer with a comment that isnt intended to be rude...

You are not mature adults. if you were you would know that you have to own up to your responsibilities to yourself, your GF and your families.

you are talking about running away..... is that a mature way to handle this? waiting for the baby to be born for what ? Pity? the hope that it will change their mind about anything?

my advice to you is to be mature and deal with it... first i would say dont act like you going to get married... (that isnt mature, it is stupid if your not ready for it) This is going to be painful so plan on it... let your families get involved, let each do what they need to do to take care of you, your GF and the baby....

After the baby is born, and you two find that life didnt end, and your relationship is still going strong then talk marrage.... in this situation it is best for all concerned that you allow others that are older take charge of the situation if they feel they need to because in your future you may run into a different issue where you need to ask their advice or help... give them the respect that they deserve... you never know they may have been in a similar situation like i was and am giving advice after i did the wrong thing and got married to someone i shouldnt have.... the relationship is clouded with a baby right now and no matter what people tell you to do, complicating a pregnancy with the addition of a marrage is not the answer... if you do this right everything will be ok...

but like you said.... you are mature... seek advice before you make decisions like running away.... in twenty years when your baby is grown you will have to look back at what you do in the next few weeks and it will either make or break their chances of living a normal life.

good luck i hope i was some help

Answer 3

This sucks. It should be such a wonderful time. I am sorry.
If I were in this situation I would get everything set up for a comfortable departure (A place to go & a source of income). After that I would call a family meeting and calmly let them know. This way you are prepared for the worst.
Good luck and congratulations. I love being a parent and I hope you will to.

Answer 4

Well hopefully the baby is coming either way. We can not chose who we love, no more then our parents can chose who we are going to spend our lives with.
Tell you parents, give them a chance to accept her and the baby ( and yes it should always be a package deal) make sure they understand that you love her and the new life you've created together.
If they truly love and accept you for the man that you are becoming, including taking responsibility for your child, they will be happy and welcome her to the family. Seems its a win win for them, they get a daughter and a grandchild, their only other option is to lose their son, should be a no brainer.

Be honest with them, and yourself. Running away is not the way an adult would react, defending your own family while hoping to keep the old one is.
Don't put them on the defense, but don't back down either.

good luck

Answer 5

Are you happy with this woman? Are you happy about the baby? Are you going to marry her and become a family? You need to decide what you are going to do with your life, before you go to your parents.

After you have decided what you are going to do, you need to talk with them, the both of you. Make a united front, tell them the situation. Tell them that you understand that they are disappointed with the decisions you have made in your life, but you are happy with your life and you want them in your child's life. You want your child to have the love you experienced as a child. Tell them that their grandchild needs their love and caring.

If the worst happens and they disown you, try to be strong and forgive them. They are a product of a different way of life.
It will be sad, but stay strong and love your child more because of their actions. Time may soften their feelings after the baby is born.

I hope this helps you, good luck and congratulations!

Answer 6

I would tell them now. Get it off your chest. Yes, they'll be angry, but they can get over it. If you are independent and pay your own way in life, what's there to be mad about? You are being responsible and taking care of your gf and soon to be baby. The can just get over it and they will in time. Once that cute lil baby gets here, grandma and grandpa will be tickled pink. Good luck, you're gonna need it, it will be rough for a while.

Answer 7

Being your word is the most important thing. If it is a manner of Honor, the greatest honor is having others know you are open and honest. If it is a matter of Love, honesty is the only way to breed love. If it is a matter of Fear, Truth is the light that drives out fear; there is nothing to be more afraid of than lying. Be the best you can be, and go with your heart.

I'm here for you.

-Talon ReQuo

Answer 8

The best thing you can do is to do as Samatha suggests.Be a good and responsible father and partner.That way both parents may be more accepting of the situation.They will find out eventually so be honest and telthem now before things get out of hand.

Answer 9

Well, hun. Don't really know what to tell you.. The best thing to do is to have a steady job, and know you can support her and the child. The best bet, is to tell your parents, they will find out sooner or later.. :)
1. Make sure you have a good job, and can support her
2. Find a decent place to live in, cheap apartment.
3. Tell your parents, and whatever they say, if it is bad, you have an apartment, and a job. But, if it is ok, don't worry bout 2.

Answer 10

Your main focus should be on the lady and your beautiful unborn child. See to her needs first and your parents should be your last concern. If you are the mature adult you say you are then you will deal with it like an adult and let your parents know whats going on. If they dont like it you will tell them they can choose to complain but that youre a man and your going to take care of your woman and child and there is no debate on that.