Stepchild with Drama Issues?

Question

I'm on the point of leaving and taking my 11 month old daughter out of this situation. My fiance's son who is six is playing us against each other. Acting spoiled and pretty much telling his mother that I want all of his father's attention while he is over at our house. He tells her other things too that aren't true like I drink when he's there (and I don't drink) So his father has pretty much cut me out of the picture as far as being a parent figure and gets together with his ex wife to discuss things and does not include me. His tantrum throwing and lies have drivin a wedge in between us and we are no longer close. This just started a month ago and I'm so sick of it that I'm thinking about leaving. I do not take all of the attention believe me I actually hardly get to spend anytime with my fiance anymore at all because his son demands that he stays up with him playing video games until 10:30 at night. If we do talk his son gets in the middle of us and throws a tantrum! HELP.

I do not resent my stepson but I am sick of these episodes. I have raised him for 4 years and I do believe I have every right to be included in conversations regarding his behavioral issues. After all I clean up after him, help him with his homework, cook for him, go to his school functions I potty trained him! I should be involved!

Answer 1

Let me get this straight. You live with your fiance. You have an 11 month old daughter. Is your daughter your fiance's child??

Your fiance has a son who lives with his mother and is spoiled, tells lies about you, hogs his dad when he is at his place, and your fiance is NOW spending a lot of time with his ex-wife.

Honey, this does NOT look good. Especially if this 6 year old is treating you like dirt, and you and the fiance do not present a united parental front to him.

First of all, I hope you have a Plan B in place, because you are going to have to implement it. Are you working? If not, get a job. Enlist the help of your mother or other relation to help with your daughter. You need a solid financial foundation so that you can go out of there on your own terms. Do not hang around and let some 6 year old call the shots, but do not jump the gun on when you should leave.

You need to give the fiance a wake up call.

Can you do a quicky move back with your folks with your daughter for a couple of weeks just to give the fiance a wake-up call?

If you can, do so NOW.

Let him sweat it out, while you and your daughter are under your parents roof, enjoying all that wonderful mothering and fathering.

Let him know that he needs to put you first. If you are to survive as a married couple, you need to present a united front as parents to any and all children involved in the family.

The married couple are the adults, and they make the decisions. The kids can like it, or lump it, but they are kids. The adults make the rules. And junior should take a back seat to you.

Incidently, this "fiance" crap should stop, right now. This is why women are not treated decently, because they live with a guy, without benefit of marriage, and the guy takes them for granted. Call a halt to this. Make your stand. At least you will find out where his true feelings are.

I hope he comes to you on bended knee. If he does, and IF you feel like taking him back, do so with the condition that you get married FIRST!! This makes you the WIFE!! No longer just a nothing in the back seat, you are in the driver's seat, where you belong.

Then, put your house in order.

If not, well get a job, and get on with life with your daughter. It could be worse. At least you got out early.

Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Calm down a little bit, talk to your fiance and let him know how you feel. He's your fiance. To me, it sounds like you resent his son, because you are looking at all the things he is doing wrong. You have to realize that he doesn't understand all of the things he is doing, that part of this problem is that he doesn't understand, he sees his mom and dad separated and wants them to be together again. Talk with your stepson and let him know that you love and care about him, make sure your fiance, sees this as well. Don't talk so badly about his son and make sure to comment on what his son is doing right. If he is getting together with his ex to "talk" ask if you can tag along so that you can give some input, since you love this kid..and he is going to be living under you and your fiance's roof. Tell your fiance that you need some quality time with him and that you aren't trying to detract attention from his son. You need to be completely honest with your fiance or nothing will work out.

Also, try Family Counseling, perhaps if you guys go together you both can recieve insight into situations that you didn't see before.

Answer 3

Time to take control or get out.
Your new mantra is, “If the mama ain’t happy, then NOBODY is happy.” The mama is the ultimate authority. You must step into your power as such.

First of all... you have to get your "fiance" on the same page with you... if he doesn't understand that, tell him that you will move out and sue for child support. You two are being played by a megalomaniac child.
You have a child by your "fiance"... you need to either get married or you need to move on. Quit giving services that are not earned. You need that piece of paper for the sake of legal stability.

Secondly... you cannot become his friend... you have to be the authority figure and the MAMA... meaning that he must acknowledge you as the authority figure and mind you, or get a spanking.

You have to be the parent, which means you must use every method at your disposal to instill the values in your children that will help them to be successful in life. They cannot navigate our society without morals, ethics, responsibility and respect.

If that means instilling respect by means of a well aimed slap on the face or a doubled-up belt across this behind, then so be it. If you have to take away prized possessions (computer, I-pod, video game), or ground them, that is fine. You do what you must to get the point across. Try to keep in mind this phrase: "what would have gotten through to me at this age?"

You provide for all of your kids' needs, so while they are under your roof, the kids must obey your rules. They must go to school, keep their grades up, do their homework, pick up after themselves and do whatever chores you ask of them. If they will not comply, the door is that-a-way. You have to handle these little insurrections hard and fast.

Answer 4

I cannot blame your fiance for taking care of is son and his son will be always first in his life and all real father should do the exact same thing . But I am not saying this child is a brat I do believe your fiance should discipline his son because its his job but not YOURS Yes its a good idea take your baby and leave because its a struggle of power and the situation will not change

Answer 5

You aren't going to like this...You BF and his ex ARE the ones who should be discussing thier child's issues. It is not your business. Don't think a 6 year old can't feel how much you resent him. Your posting drips with resentment. You should leave if you cannot wholeheartedly embrace this little boy. His world was turned upside down when his parents split so try to think about how he feels. I'm sure you wish your BF had no past so you can have him all to yourself but that's tough. Accept the child completely or LEAVE.

Answer 6

i hate to hear that step parents have problems with the step kids. i had to deal with a 28 year old adult step "child". i'm to the point i think all fathers think their kid does no wrong. i know mine did. hopefully you can sit down with your fiance about your feelings. you need to get him to understand what is going on. you may have to find a counselor that specializes in family's with step parents. i wish you all the best of luck

Answer 7

You need to talk to your fiance.You both need to take control because he is taking both of you over.At the age of 6 he should be in bed so that you can have some quality time together.If you cant find a solution then seek family counselling .He sounds like a spoilt brat.H e needs boundaries.

Answer 8

try to talk with your fiance .. Tell him what you really feel about his son .. but tell that to him slowly ,, find a right time to talk to him and say what u feel .. im sure that he would understand you ..