I met a nice girl, and after dating a few times she let me know she had children. I was a little upset by finding out, but we get along fine, so I can deal with it.
Here is the issue...I have chosen not to have a relationship with her children. I've let her know that I feel uncomfortable playing "daddy" to another mans children, and prefer when we do spend time together her kids go to her brothers house so we can just be together.If she can't find a babysitter- I make plans for another night.
She told me that was OK- but lately she has been in bad moods alot, and I think she thinks I will change, but I won't. Is there any way to make this relationship work? I feel bad because everything else is our relationship is perfect- but I feel I don't deserve to have to live in another mans shadow and see his face on theirs everyday.
2007-12-07 13:03:24 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
sorry to say but nope, it wont work!
2007-12-07 13:08:28 · answer #1 · answered by Brandy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are a very swallow man, you can't expect a woman to keep shipping her kids off because you don't want to be bothered. You have a right to your opinion, but she is also a mother to those children and that my friend is never gonna change. You can't expect a relationship with her to last if your no open to including her kids.She's better off with out you, cause there is no way a relationship with her is gonna happen without her kids in it. You don't have to play Daddy but you could be a friend to them, not all women are looking for a baby Daddy. You just might miss out on the best woman in your life by being selfish
2007-12-07 22:37:37 · answer #2 · answered by luvsmusiz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope, when you found out she had children you should have been the man you say you are and walked away if that was something you did not want. But, you stuck around to play house without playing daddy. I can't believe she actually took her children somewhere so you could have time?
2007-12-08 01:06:53 · answer #3 · answered by lekeshia s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you and she BOTH agree that the relationship is a casual, occasional one, and has no future beyond getting together when/if her children are elsewhere, then go ahead and continue to see each other.
If either of you wants something more than that, and you are not interested in a relationship that includes her children, you should end it.
It's time for a frank talk about expectations.
2007-12-07 21:12:41 · answer #4 · answered by daa 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a little unfair to her if you want to be in a relationship with her. You don't have to play the father role, just be yourself... be respectful and participate, but don't feel like you need to act a certain way to be involved in her children's life also. It is a package deal... if you really care about this women, you can't push her kids to the side, because they are an inconvenience to you.
2007-12-07 21:08:28 · answer #5 · answered by Holy Macaroni! 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you cannot spend time with the children and you are looking for a relationship then this one will not work. Let her go, she needs to find someone who will not just like her children but love them.
Pam
2007-12-07 21:06:54 · answer #6 · answered by purpleflyer2008 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Her kids are part of who she is. I have a child from a previous relationship, and while my current fiancee doesn't have a parental relationship with my first daughter, they still communicate, bond, and respect the role that one another play in my life.
If you aren't willing to take her kids into your life on any level, you surely aren't considering her needs and wants. It sounds like you're thinking a lot of yourself, which is fine for someone who doesn't have or want children.
My suggestion; get over it and accept her children into your life, or move on with your life and let her find happiness with someone who will appreciate and accept everything she has to offer.
2007-12-07 21:11:30 · answer #7 · answered by samantha 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You may as well end the relationship now because if you can never see yourself spending time with her kids where can the relationship go really????? You can never live together, get married or have your own children with her!! Whats the point!!! I'm sure she'd rather know now. She is not going to choose you over her kids!!!
2007-12-07 21:09:12 · answer #8 · answered by bec 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Would you actually want to date the kind of woman who would put her desire for a relationship before her responsibility towards her children? Is that the kind of woman you want to have a relationship with?
As it is now, you are not having a relationship with *her*, you are having a relationship with *her as she would be if she didn't have children* - which is not who she is.
Move on.
2007-12-07 22:51:58 · answer #9 · answered by Maureen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're going to be involved with a woman with Children dude. You have to be involved with the children too. You're being selfish. The children are a part of her family and If you're trying to get into that personal area of herself...you're going to have to go in all the way. either accpet her and the kids or leave her alone.
2007-12-07 21:45:34 · answer #10 · answered by princenore 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This relationship will never work for her. She needs and deserves better than that. The minute she realizes that you are (at best) a good lay and a fun afternoon.... you will be history.
You obviously aren't in this for the long haul, because we both know the kids aren't going away.
2007-12-07 21:38:21 · answer #11 · answered by tweedropjes 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋