For Veterans or Active Duty Military, Do you feel completely out of place in the civillian world?

Question

Vets & Active Duty, Served 12 yrs, medically retired Oct '06. Been over a year & still feel uncomfortable in the civillian world. I feel like everybody thinks, speaks, act, etc differently. Civillians drive me crazy, I don't understand their ways, yet I'm in my own country, one that I defended, I can't land a job, don't fit in socially, you name it. From the outside I look like a well adjusted guy, I'm a 31 yr old educated, articulate, good all-american christian, yet I feel like an alien, only people I seem to feel comfortable around is my wife & vets, I could go on about this for days, I don't understand the world I live in, I feel like civilllians are nothing but a bunch of idiots, I know their not but it seems like I can't go a day without wanting to snap, I accomplished so much in my 12 yrs of service yet it doesn't really matter to civillians? Love to listen to their problems about work, ever have to work where you get shot at? why don't you try working under those conditions?

Answer 1

I forgot who said it but someone said, "Good soldiers are bad cavilians." Maybe your just too good of a soldier you cant adapt back to the cavilain life.

Answer 2

I did for the first three years after my Navy retirement. Then I checked out a novel at the library that was written by a retired Navy Captain called "The Ship". In that novel he states there are only two kinds of people in the world: those who have been to sea and those who have not. At that point I quit trying to figure out the civilian world.
There is a new group out there in "civvie land" that I call the "Petey Patriot Platoon". They are the flag wavers and the cheer leaders who will stop you (once they learn you are a veteran) and thank you for your service. The problem is that few, if any of them, would have given you the time of day on September 10, 2001.
The only solace I can give you is to remind you that you spent 12 years defending the Constitution of the United States. Not the idiots out in "civvie land".
The troops stand tall so everyone else can go to the mall. And there isn't anything you can change about that situation.

Answer 3

I feel you. When I first got out of the Marines I had a hard time adjusting to civilian life. You can get use to it, but if you forget all the values, morals, ethics you picked up in the military, then you have adjusted to being a civilian. You keep your bearing, character, morals then you are just use to civilians, but are different than them and they know it. Most vets stand out, some more then others.
If nothing else civilians are entertaining.
If you are having a hard time landing a job, relocating may be in order.
From your discharge date I am guessing you have completed at least 2 combat tours. Go to the VA and get checked for post traumatic stress disorder. By law they can't share your records with any body so no one will find out.

Answer 4

Wow guy, I did 22 years active and had no problem finding work or adjusting. I am retired now and I do stop by the local recruiters office with coffee every so often. Just to speak in military language for 30 minutes. But you just need to adjust a bot, and chill out.

Its a great country and you can feel proud to have served , and get out and join the American legion or other Vet groups.

Answer 5

The campus sounds relatively small and homogeneous. I am familiar with the Rocky Mountain Region and know many of the towns are small and isolated. Just finish the degree asap then go get a master's at Denver Metro or one of the universities in Seattle, Oregon, Arizona, etc. Graduate schools have many men and women in your age group. Or you could return to the south. I am a much older graduate student in the SEC and have had a lot of success with social interaction despite the large age gap. Your military training has given you knowledge on extreme athletic training (hauling rucks, upper body strength, extreme cardio, etc). Use that to get back into campus intramural sports. You will find many friends. Join a coed team, and once the young undergraduates see the value of your athleticism from military training, then you should be able to fit in.

Answer 6

Takes a while to get used to it and really never get over all of it. Retired in 1990 after 20 and still find "civilians" to be rather strange things, little or no understanding of the real world and no interest in world affairs except if it effects them individually. I think most veterans do which is why veterans groups are fairly large.
I typically just smiled and said no one is shooting at me so it is a good day. No they don't understand and never will; just relax and don't expect them to understand you or act like you because they are the sheep the shepherds protect and they don't like to think about us that way. If they did then it would mean world is not a safe place and bad people exist and tha would make them uncomfortable so they don't think about it.

Answer 7

Sounds like you are in Michigan.

Everyone is different and just because one guy finds work does not mean everyone does. Try Unemployment to see if they can hook you up with a class on how to "look". If the VA is close maybe the can help with that too.

I am a fan of the movie "Stripes". It is my opinion that Bill Murray's line "there is something seriously wrong with us" is not only funny but very true.

Hang tough, they are idiots, takes time to ignore them.

SSG US Army 73-82

Answer 8

I feel you every time I go "home" I realize how weird my life is last time I was trying to calm my dad and step sister down about how safe Iraq was for me not to worry. (I was at a really safe base) my step sister stopped me mid sentence with what do you mean they shoot at you? oops :) I was saying they miss a lot. we have and have had different experiences then over 90% of the country that change us and we don't notice till we are around civilians. I hope it gets better for you. your diffrent for signing up in the first place be proud and try and remember that they don't realize what they missed out on.

Answer 9

I feel the same way. I did 10 yrs. I've been out for 6 yrs now and it's better. I joined the Legion and the VFW. That helped a lot.

Answer 10

Y E S, it took me a long time to really mingle with people, because I felt I didn't feel welcomed, because I spent 21 years in the army, 3 years in Vietnam, so I went to the VA and told them my problems and they put me in touch with veteran
groups and it worked out real good. I also took a Civil Service Exam for the US Postal Service and been there for 19 years and will be retiring soon.
Hope you Good Luck. Welcome Home and Thanks for your SERVICE TO OUR COUNTRY!
US ARMY(RETIRED)1958 - 1979

Answer 11

I think you have to travel to europe or to other countries. In this way you will refresh your mind and see other people's life which will help you to go back to ordinary civilian life.