My bf of 2 years will not accept me being friends with my ex. I never really was in love with my ex, but we lasted 4 years because we have an incredibly strong friendship connection. After 2 years with my beloved bf, he said there is no way I can keep in touch with my ex or he will leave. He said its not fair and makes him feel like crap. But I am finding it so hard to let go. My ex has a girlfriend and everything!
Is it unfair to ask my bf to just accept it knowing he might leave me? I have had an unhappy 4 years due to depression and feel i cant have what i want! My bf trusts me.. he just says that it makes him feel bad cause i had a physical relationship with my ex. Please help!
2007-12-07 12:17:59 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm of the opinion that people shouldn't be friends with their exes...it just causes too many issues in future relationships. The only time I can understand people being friends with their exes is when there are children involved...then it's good for the kids for the parents to be friends (or at least friendly to each other). I know the situation you're in sucks, but you have to figure out what means more to you...your current bf, or the friendship you have with your ex. If you love your boyfriend, then you should try to do whatever it takes to make him feel happy. If he's not worth it, then tell him you don't want to lose your friend and he'll have to accept things. It's a sad realization that you might lose him over it...have you tried thinking about things if the situation was reversed? Would you make him give up a friend because it made you feel like crap? Both of you deserve to be happy in the relationship, and if he does what he can to make you happy, then he deserves the same treatment. It's a tough situation, but good luck with things.
2007-12-07 12:26:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I believe it's unfair to your boyfriend. I believe you need to let go of the past, regardless if you two were friends in the past. Here are some reasons to why it's a bad idea:
1. Passion is Still There - No matter how much you claim that you are friends, every time you see him/her, your heart still misses a beat. You have had some intimate moments together and every time you see your ex, you seem to relive those memories and silently enjoy. Yet another reason why it is not advisable to be friends with your ex.
2. Confiding is Tough - Friends share anything and everything with each other. But when that friend happens to be an ex, it becomes very difficult to confide in personal details. For instance, you have a big date coming up and you are wondering what should you wear to look stunning. You wouldn't go around asking your date whether you look good in the short black dress or the backless red one!
3. Comfort Zone - You have had a bad day at work, or maybe a fight with some one. You want to sit and talk to your friend about it. You feel the need to be pampered and hugged. Surely, your ex isn't the right person for it. For all that you know, you might be back to square one. The comfort level that you share with a friend and your ex can never be the same.
I know you stated that you were together for four years and you didn't love him, but evidentially, there was something there that made you stay that long. Whether it was the sex, the friendship, or even the good times you two had. Knowing that the relationship was mostly based on a physical perspective would be unfair and absolutely selfish.
The question is, what's more important? Your relationship with your current boyfriend or is it worth throwing away your healthy relationship, because of selfishness?
I hope this is input serves you well.
2007-12-11 08:27:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have an emotional relationship with your ex which is just as bad as having sex with him. I would dump you in a heartbeat if I was dating you. Cheating is cheating and when you are connected like you are to your ex it does and should hurt you real boyfriend. You can't have your cake and eat it too that is what your current boyfriend is telling you. You're going to be way depressed when he leaves you for a girl that really cares for him. If you REALLY cared for him you would never even question his real feelings. You are the one who is wrong here. Go to the doctor and get professional help for your depression. Don't use your ex as a crutch for this. He would get in your pants in two seconds given the right opportunity and you know that. Help yourself and choose. If you choose your current boyfriend you don't get to keep the old one too. How would you feel if he starting talking and hanging with an ex of his? Not very good I don't think. Think clearly here!
2007-12-07 14:41:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's always okay. Your boyfriend is being a bit controlling f who you socialize with. It's okay to stay friends and in touch with your ex. In fact, it's the best thing you can do. It always works out (friendshipwise) with your ex if you are still friends.
As for your boyfriend, he is trying to contol you. Threatening to leave shows that he's insecure about your past. Tell him that you should be able to talk with whomever you want. If he doesn't like it and he leaves, I am sorry. But if he really likes you he will put your ex aside even though you were physical with him.
2007-12-07 12:30:05 · answer #4 · answered by Jovian Knight 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well he will get use to it. If he loves you and trust you, than there should be no problem. It sounds like he don't trust you. No if you are spending time, and hanging out with him then I could see why it bothers him. Ask yourself this question " Do i need to stay close with this person, do I still like him? If you answered yes then you need to stop seeing him ,if you want to have a relationship with the guy you see now, or just break up with him and go back to the other guy. It also sound like you are jealous of you ex's new relationship. STOP IT and move on.
2007-12-07 12:25:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Oh boy, hand me an aspirin already. Unfortunately, your current boy-friend is the jealous type. And (from what you've written)the controlling type too. Not good. especially with your depression. As to the old boy-friend: There is not a problem with being friends. He's already moved on with his relationship issue with you and from what you DIDN'T write, she doesn't have a problem with his being friends with you. IF YOU AND YOUR OLD BOY-FRIEND AREN'T ANYTHING MORE THAN FRIENDS, THEN YOUR CURRENT BOY-FRIEND IS DEFINITELY HAVING A PROBLEM! Which could be a really bad thing really fast. He could very quickly start attempting to control who you e-mail, call on the phone, go see on your own time, or even when you can and can't go to work. Not good period. If he's stupid enough to threaten you with violence, or already has committed such stupidity, call the police on his worthless butt and move on. Don't forget the restraining order.
2007-12-07 12:31:23 · answer #6 · answered by mangamaniaciam 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Boyfriends will come and go..... Friends last forever.
If you really are good friends with your ex... tell you bf to deal with it. Ive been best friends with my ex for years, no way would I end that friendship for anyone !
2007-12-09 19:58:09 · answer #7 · answered by MonSqueek 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey if you want to have a non-sexual relationship with your ex go for it...no one should or can stop you from seeing your ex ..if your bf really loved you he would let you go just tell him how you feel about ur bf and then tell him how u feel about your ex ..tell him that you want to be friends with your ex! it is your life your heart ..talk to your ex your bf would be wrong for leaving
**good luck**
2007-12-07 12:24:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Im specific in time each little thing would be o.k. and in the event that they do no longer look to be then you certainly merely ought to stay with it, real? I dont believe in being acquaintances with exes. I dont hate them, merely dont see the element in sporting on a dating with somebody that at one time i grow to be with in a deep dating, teenagers or no longer. You communicate for the youngsters and thanks to the youngsters; you're civil yet exes that are telling one yet another and human beings how plenty they love one yet another nonetheless do love one yet another and could merely harm new substantial others that come into their existence. I even have first hand journey with this and likely, my real call is Lori. a guy broke my heart in one million products while he instructed me he enjoyed her nonetheless. i assume I knew all of it alongside yet now i'm specific. it is merely unhappy that we ought to positioned our heart and soul into yet another and want so badly to believe with each little thing we've while all alongside it grow to be somebody else that they have got been dreaming of. it is destroyed me so please be careful.
2016-10-10 12:27:03 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is pefectly fine Unless they really hurt u (cheating,ect).Ur bf is being unreasonable over brotective and just plain stupid.He should be able to trust not to cheat on him with ur ex.He is being a cave man
2007-12-07 12:27:28 · answer #10 · answered by twisted.1_666 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋