Pestering bride?

Question

A friend sent out wedding invites a couple months ago...well most of her guests declined the invite. She is getting married at the end of December in Michigan. Most of her invites were to people living in Texas, New Mexico & Arizona...so they'd have to travel quite a distance not to mention what the road conditions could be like up North. Well she's has been calling and asking "are you sure you can't come" I've told her nicely several times I just can't afford it this time of year, plus I cannot take additional time off from work...since we recieve a week off for Christmas paid...(Dec 21-27, & if you don't work the week after you loose your holiday pay. I can't afford that) Plus I told her that the weather is already pretty yucky up there...what if I get caught in a blizard. If it were closer or at any other time of the year I'd be happy to go. She's been calling lots of us...how do I tell her nicely without hurting her feelings?

She is even trying to make us feel guilty by saying only 6 guests will be attending besides her parents and his parents. And that they paid lots of money for a big reception, food, cake and band. Thats not our fault.

Answer 1

sounds like you already told this bridezilla once....there isn't anything more you can do but tell her one more times and then ignore or her whatever.

Answer 2

Hi. Wow. I'm having a memory of another girl that asked this same question....someone coming to Michigan from Texas.

Anyway...I will say the same thing that I told her. Don't let your friend bully you. It was HER decision to go all the way to Michigan (by the way....I live in Michigan)....so she must suffer the consequences that not everyone is willing to travel.

And, I must say....that is being pretty bold to assume that you (or any of her guests) would. Even if it was summer, that is a long way. When you plan a "destination" wedding, you better be able to realize that not everyone is willing to spend THEIR money and THEIR vacation time to attend your wedding!

Don't worry about your friend. I am sure the others that she is pestering are just as frustrated as you are.

She must be paying mega bucks at Christmas time to travel all the way here.

By the way...if you are the same person as before and this is your friend who is coming to Marquette, Michigan (where I live!)....she is in for a rude awakening. It is downright freezing here...very unpredictible with the weather ....we have TONS of snow already....slushy, sloppy roads. I have no idea why anyone would come here for a winter wedding. Those us who LIVE here NEVER have winter weddings. I have lived here 30 years and I have only gone to 2 winter weddings (indoors, of course).

Oh well.....

Answer 3

How sad that more people can't go, but then the wedding is at a hard time of year (xmas/new year's ) and people are strapped for cash at this point. People would have to travel pretty far for this and I guess she doesn't realize how hard that is on people. If she calls again, then just politely decline the invite yet again. Like you said, you would be happy to go but it's not your fault that she planned a huge wedding when she already knew a lot of guests would not be able to make it. Good luck.

Answer 4

Tuff buttons to the bride. An invite is just that. An invite...
If you said you can't go, ya' can't go. Her wedding doesn't mean you go into the poor house to watch her smile all day with people you don't know.
You don't owe an explanation. You've already politely declined (r.s.v.p) and she has her actual head count. She is very rude to question you about your vacation time. Shame on her- it's your time to use as you please.
She really should be thanking you-this won't cost her as much!

Maybe I'm being mean but if she continues to pester you about attending,:
1. Firmly tell her you are unable to attend and her begging you to come is uncomfortable.
2. If all else fails,duck her phone calls- find a way to end the call quickly. Smart people get the hint about a topic.

Just send your wedding gift and call it a day.
If she is truly your friend, she'll stop harrassing you....

Answer 5

Well it sounds like she really wants you there, maybe the lack of people responding that is really getting her down and she doesn't know how to cope with that

But put the shoe on the other foot an try to understand where she is coming from if it was your wedding .

I am not saying she is right but I would just amuse her and still say no , you just can't.

I am having a desitantion wedding as well and many people have said they can't or wont come , we still extended the invitation ( if they come they come if they don't Oh well)

The best excuse I heard was from my future SIL , who would not attend a wedding that is on hallow grounds. ( we are getting married at a rumored Haunted plantation) reality she hates my FH. ... whatever

Just send your regrets that you are unable to attend then buy her something from the wedding registry. and send it with your decline.

Answer 6

You've tried the nice approach, I would still be nice but add some sternness into your answer. It's a shame she didn't think of that beforehand. It's pretty much common sense to think of holidays and weather when it comes to planning a wedding. Just tell her again that you would love to come but financially it's not possible. Tell her that no matter how many times she asks you, the money isn't going to appear and you will NOT be there but support her decision and look forward to seeing her maybe in 6 months. Good luck!!

Answer 7

You can tell her what you told us! You cannot afford the time off of work or a plane ticket to get you in and out in a day. The weather might make travel impossible anyway.
I've been iced in in Michigan twice going to visit relatives and now will not go in the winter time unless I have extra time off for just in case weather issues.
Will she be living there or returning to your area? You can possibly plan a get together with the friends in your area for when she comes home. Good luck!

Answer 8

At this point, it sounds like you can't do anything without being honest/blunt, which will probably hurt her feelings.
She apparently had no consideration for her guests when planning this event.
I am in the northeast and ruled out November thru March specifically due to the possibility of weather problems being an issue for guests.
If the majority of your invited guests have to travel, you really have to consider that when choosing a date.

Answer 9

Anyone who seriously expect people to bear the expense and inconvenience of travelling thousands of miles at the height of the holiday season is someone who has very inflated ideas of their own importance -- or is very innocent of the realities of work responsibilities, travel expenses, etc.

Assuming you want to be kind to this lady, all you can really do is keep saying "I'm sorry but it's impossible. If anything changes, I'll let you know right away."

If it's a bunch of family living down in the Southwest, the gang might get together and offer to throw her a wing-ding of some kind in your own area if she and her groom would like to visit your part of the world for their honeymoon.

Answer 10

She has a couple of weeks to tell her cater that will bevery few guests. It is not your fault you can make it. As a person who lived in Michigan all my life,, I know better to plan a big, huge event during the winter months. Send her a nice gift or card saying you would have loved to been there, but you couldn't afford it.

Answer 11

I know I will get thumbs down for this, but, I have to say your friend is pretty dim witted with her choice of wedding date! Why would anyone want to go to a wedding that is right after Christmas anyway? They have just spent money on gifts for family and friends, then she expects them to spend money on travel and a wedding gift?? I think it is needless to say anything about the weather!
I think that you have been nice to her enough, you might have to be firm with her now to get it through her head. I think someone should mention the possibility of changing the date if she wants more guests to show up.