Should she have another child??? Should I voice my concerns????

Question

My cousin has a boy that will be 2 at the end of this month. He has yet to say his first word. He is smart otherwise, but there are some warning signs of autism. I dont want to offend her by telling this to her in the case that he is just slow to speak.
She also is thinking about having another child.
Do I remain quiet despite my concerns? I dont think she should have another child untill she 1) makes sure child #1 is oaky 2) Get married to the father and 3) Gets more then a one bedroom apt in Brooklyn.
The marriage thing in none of my business, but Shes like a sister. I really care about her and her family.

Answer 1

Tell her to focus on the child she has now so it can grow strong and normal. Ask her for her reasons for having another child. Tell her it would be in her best interest and the child to wait longer to have another kid. But please do this nicely or else she will not listen.

Answer 2

I wouldn't say anything about getting married before having a child or about her apt. You can be a wonderful parent and give your child all he/she needs without being married. As far as the whole signs of autism, I would say something. The sooner the doctor diagnosis it, the sooner he can start therapy and be as normal as possible. I would be very careful with how you say it though. Maybe you could even buy her the book "What to expect the toddler years" as a gift and say "let's look at where he is in the book right now" without being obvious. It shows what milestones the child should be hitting at 24 months. Maybe she will come to realize it herself that way. Or just get her the book and not say anything else about it because then she will look at the chapter for her son's age herself and you won't have to feel ackward. I do think its important that she realizes there could be a problem though because some parents just don't realize or see what their child should be doing at certain ages. By the way, by the time a child is 24 months, they should be using 2-3 word sentences already. Since you said that he is smart otherwise, it may very well be just a verbal development and nothing more. Other signs of autism are: happy playing alone, textures, smells or noises seem painful for the child, head banging, inability to show affection or resisting cuddling, little or no eye contact, lack of speaking, inability to express feelings and emotions and there are several other signs that may be different from child to child. Also a child may seem normal other than one or two of those symptoms and then their development gets rapidly worse and farther behind after the age of 3. It is possible that it seems like the only delay is speech and within the next year he may become noticeably behind. To answer your main question though, I don't think there is anything wrong with her having another child. Having a child with autism, retardation or any other handicap does not mean a parent cannot go on to have a perfectly normal and healthy child and still give the child with a disability all the attention they need. One more thing; if he does end up having autism, tell her about a program called "Son Shine". It is a breakthrough program that teaches autistic kids to function so well that they go on to speak, read, write and even function very well in a normal classroom. Good luck! =)

Answer 3

A lot of kids are slow to speak, that doesn't mean that they have autism. There have been times where the parents and everyone else talk too fast so all the child hears is babbling. They repeat what they hear. It doesn't mean it's autism, if there's a problem the doctor would detect it. In my opinion I would be offended if someone came out and said that they don't think i should have another child. A child is a blessing, and even if this child has something doesn't mean that they shouldn't have another child. You make it sound like the little boy is diseased.

Answer 4

There are plenty of toddlers who get to two without saying anything and then many will start talking as if they've been talking for months. Others pick up talking a little more slowly, but just happen to be slower in that particular area.

If she brings him to regular pediatrician visits the pediatrician would have picked up signs of autism by now, most likely. People who have experience with two-year-olds will tell you that two-year-olds act autistic sometimes even when they're not - tantrums, tuned-out, etc. You should leave the diagnosing and the guessing about someone else's child to his mother and the doctor.

I don't think you voice concerns. When it comes down to it, your cousin's child is not your concern. Neither is whether or not your cousin has more babies or when she has them, or whether she is married to the father or not. The one-bedroom apartment is her business as well.

If you really care about your cousin you will respect her enough to not be spinning your wheels over the decisions she makes with her own life. Ask if you'd want someone else having their say-so when it comes to the decisions you make, and I'm guessing you would expect to be respected.

Answer 5

Just because a two year old hasn't talked yet does not mean he's autistic! My little girl didn't talk till she was 3 and now she's a teacher. Keep your concerns to yourself or you'll risk alienating your cousin. Forget about "warning signs of autism" unless you're an expert. Children develop at different rates. Your cousin and her partner are the only ones who can decide if they want another child and it's none of your business.

Answer 6

Ok, first of all, the marriage thing. She needs to get married. It's been proven that a child prospers when his parents are married. He needs that reassurance that dad can't just pick up and leave anytime. There is stability with married parents. They need to be financially able. By that I don't mean afford a huge house, but as long as they are not behind on their bills, and can afford the added cost of another child, that's fine. The apartment thing is their own issue. As long as their children are loved and cared for with their needs met, they won't care. It would be best for her to make sure child number 1 is ok, mostly so she'll know what's in store for them if it is autism, and if so, she can go into a second pregnancy knowing the chances of that one becoming autistic. If you two are really that close, then I would talk to her. Don't push it. It may be on the back of her mind, but she's too scared to know the truth, or she's denying it. If she doesn't want to talk, don't make her.

Answer 7

I think the most important thing here is the child who may have Autism. Yes, you should tell her. It shouldn't offend her because this is a sign, my brother has Autism and when he wasn't speaking or recognizing birthday and holidays at two, we got him tested and he was diagnosed. It's best to know.

If she does get offended by this, you probably shouldn't voice any further concerns just yet. That might upset her and feel like you're prying. Just feel her out. If she seems okay with what you're saying and doesn't get mad, continue with the conversation.

Instead of going into specifics (her getting married, getting a bigger home, etc.), just ask if she's sure she's ready to have another just yet and that maybe she should wait a year or two. If she asks why, then you should go ahead and tell her.

Hope this helped and hope things work out :)

Answer 8

What" warning signs" does he have? Most children only begin to speak with any clarity around the age of 2 but can make themselves fully understood way before that.
It would be lovely if everyone who had children together were married to each other first, I too dislike the idea of the parents not being married. However, I come from the last generation that expected couples to marry before starting a family. These days, its personal choice but I will hopefully support my children's choices in life whatever they are.

Sure your cousin are going to find it difficult cramped into a 1bed apt, but just maybe it will give them the incentive to do something about it?
She's your cousin, not your daughter. If you want to maintain your contact with them you cannot interfere, even to express your opinions.
If she wants another child, its not your place to try to deny her right, I'm afraid.
Make sure she knows that you will always be there for her and her children and help if she asks, as if she were actually her sister.
It will be hard for you not to raise these issues with her, unless you are a professional in child development or have children of your own to draw conclusions from. I wish you well in whatever course of action you choose to take.

Answer 9

Well I think that is really your cousins decision to have another child. You dont have to be married to have more children either.
As far as bringing up Autism to her, I would be very careful. Some mothers get very offended if you think that their child is not developing as they should. Maybe find an article on Autism explaining the signs or symptoms and nicely bring them to her attention.
Good luck!

Answer 10

She may be mad but I would bring up the autism thing. We never would have caught it this soon if my step dad, who has Aspergers hadn't pointed the warning signs in our son. Early intervention is the most important thing with autistic children. The earlier the better. As for whether or not, she should have another baby right now, I would stay out of that one.

Answer 11

My cousin's daughter didn't speak more than da da and Ma ma until after 2. Now she speaks with better diction than either of her parents and talks all the time. My brother (who has Asperger's) didn't start speaking until 3.5 and my cousin's son (who has high functioning autism) also didn't really start speaking until 4.

Since you are so close, it is appropriate for you to ask her if the boy's speech is concerning his doctor at all, or if it's just still within a perfectly normal developmental stage. That might open up a conversation. As far as anything else, it's none of your business even if you really were her sister.