Our teenage daughter is beyond messy. Her room is always trashed and I mean trashed. Never cleans up after herself and it is frustrating the heck out of me. We have tried every form of positive and negetive reinforment with no change in her ways. We have even threatned to make her switch rooms with her younger brother( she has half the basement as her bedroom) and all that did was make her give us the silent treatment. Anybody have any ideas on how to get her to care? And for the love of all that holy, do not respond to this by just saying " well she is a teen, what did i expect" being a teen does not mean "go ahead and be a piglet".
2007-12-07 08:49:27 · 17 answers · asked by puglyparker 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
we had that problem with our teens and my wife got tired of telling them, so one day she went in there to clean, and clean she did, my wife picked up everything on the floor trash, Cd's, clothes, you name it, and throw it all away, in the trash it went, and told them, we would not replace anything my wife had to pick up, it started working, she did it a couple of times, after she would warn them, and after a couple of times of losing their prized possessions they got the hint and would clean their rooms, and i would also make your daughter give up her room for a while, it would not matter if she gave the silent treatment, your the parent take a hard stand, good luck
2007-12-07 09:00:42 · answer #1 · answered by George 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I heard this from somewhere, and I think it might work. Nanny 911 also used a form of this method too. Okay here is the plan:
1. Tell your daughter that if there is anything on the floor it goes in a trash bag and is kept with you until she earns it back.
2. If she doesn't listen and the next day it is still messy, then break out the trashbags and put everything that is on the floor or not where it should be in the trash bags and store it somewhere.
3. When she comes back and realizes her stuff is gone tell her she can earn her stuff back by doing chores, keeping her room tidy ect. (like maybe give her one item every two days or something, if she earns it)
4. She should learn by then not to leave stuff lying around.
Good luck and feel free to change this method around so that it works for you.
2007-12-07 10:15:53 · answer #2 · answered by Jenny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not exactly sure where she is getting her habits from, but they need to be broken now, or it will just get worse for her. I know that negative reinforcements are hard to keep up with, but you need to be strong, and just tell her that until she keeps a clean room, or at least not a dirty room, she is grounded, or take away some thing that is everything to her. She is not going to take you seriously if you don't seem serious about it, so if you take something away that she feels she 'needs', like a cell phone, or weekend nights, or mall trips, then she will have no choice but to comply with your standards in order to get her freedom back. And as far as the silent treatment, it must be hard, but she is a high schooler, and you need to accept the fact that what you do may cause that, no matter how hard it is to not talk to her. She can't be given what she wants because she refuses to talk to you. Sounds like she has a case of brattiness.
2007-12-07 08:57:26 · answer #3 · answered by Shauna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The key here is consistency. There are repercussions if you don't do your chores and don't clean your room. You have to decide what the repercussion is, then stick to it and be consistent. It doesn't matter if she gets mad, upset, pouts or doesn't talk.
Also it helps to have a very consistent schedule. Room cleaning day is every _____. Chores are done by ____ pm every day.
In my house there is no TV, music or phone on Saturday until your room is clean. On Sunday same thing until the house is clean. My kids get an allowance for doing their chores and it is all or none. They do their chores everyday, they get it on Friday. They miss one day--no allowance. Allowance is their going out money so no allowance really limits what they can do that weekend.
Good Luck!
2007-12-07 09:18:54 · answer #4 · answered by wondermom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her be a slob but let her know that you aren't going to invest in nice clothes or anything for her because she obviously can't take care of it. So, what you are going to do from now on is take the cash you would spend on Christmas and birthdays and put it in a college fund.
I think I would also say that anything that is not put away every Wednesday or something is going into the trash.
2007-12-07 08:59:59 · answer #5 · answered by IJToomer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop telling her what you may do and just be the parent, take everything from her except what is needed, I would give her enough items to survive with and that would be it. she would not get anything for the holiday no gifts whats so ever you don't appreciate what you already have, leave her with just her bede and seven outfits one for each day and make her wash them if she needed something to wear. Put your foot down and leave it down. Your daughter do not care about how she lives in your house or anywhere else, let her know how shameful she is to you and your family.
2007-12-07 09:41:20 · answer #6 · answered by laylay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
reinforce what you said..dont just threaten her. Make her switch, take away priviledges, allow her no freedom until she realizes that this is unacceptable. I was the same way, and only resonded to being forced. Let her go nowhere, or talk to any friends until her room is clean..and check under the first layer of clothes in the drawer..the top layer is probably the only folded layer..i would know. haha
2007-12-07 08:54:26 · answer #7 · answered by lulu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, why are you so worried about her messiness. She's freakin 14! No duh she's going to be messy. Stop worrying about how she keeps her room and start planning to find her birth control. If you worry about this type of little crap, she's going to grow up wrose than ever. Let things like this go. Threatening teens and punishing them does nothing! When will adults realize this?? I'm 17 and my parents yell at me about my room being messy and getting bad grades. They think bad grades and a messy room will ruin my life. What they don't know is I have smoked pot, drink, had sex, nearly had a baby, and was in a knife fight. You need to stop worrying about her room and start finding out if she is in any others things. And don't get caught, Losing someone's trust is horrible, losing your daughter's is deadly...
2007-12-07 08:56:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Since you threatened to switch rooms and didnt, she knows you dont follow through with your threats. My suggestion is to follow through with what you said. Then whatever she leaves laying around in her new room, remove and put away somewhere she doesnt know where. Do this until she begins to value what she has.
If none of that works you might consider she could be suffering from depression.
2007-12-07 08:58:07 · answer #9 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her she can not eat or drink until she does her room. and if she dosent clean it the take her room away from her and tell her her bedroom is now yours because she has not been responsible enough to keep her room clean . take every thing from her. strip her room completely. or if you give her a allowance every week or something like that. then charge her 15 dollars every day her bedroom is not cleaned or she dint clean her mess
2007-12-07 08:57:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋