One of my best friends just got engaged and I was excited at first but kind of hurt that I wasnt asked to be a bridesmaid but I brushed it off because it was her decision.
Since she doesnt have it in her budget to actually hire a planner, shes assumed that Im going to take the role of planning her entire wedding! (I work as an event and party planner)
If we werent as close I wouldnt mind, but Im going as a guest and since shes one of my best friends and I want to be able to actually enjoy the wedding, not be running around like I would have to as her wedding planner, worrying about the pattern on the forks matching the pattern on the knives and that the lighting and sound will be working at the reception. I would miss everything since Id be so busy.
I told her Id be a 'consultant' of sorts, but that I didnt want to take on the job of planning and executing the entire thing that day, and now shes mad that I wouldnt want to help make her day "perfect"
Any advice??
2007-12-07 07:57:09 · 42 answers · asked by katiebear152 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I think you've handled it perfectly.
Did she come out and ask you to plan this for her, or did she truly assume that you would drop everything and just do it out of kindness?
If she didn't ask, which even if she did you shouldn't feel obligated, then she was actually kind of guilting or using you.
I think you did it right, I would do the same thing.
If she hasn't come out and asked nicely, then you aren't expected to do anything. She's being very selfish.....
2007-12-07 08:01:07 · answer #1 · answered by Phil M 7 · 7⤊ 0⤋
She cannot possibly expect you to do all of that work and not get paid a dime. She feels just because you are her friend that you should be her wedding planner for free and that just isn't right. She is jeopardizing a friendship because she is trying to save money. You need to explain everything to her. Let her know that you want to be able to enjoy the wedding and not be running around nonstop but you don't mind helping her find a venue and what not- you just don't feel comfortable being the wedding planner. and making sure everything is set up on the big day.
She sure is brave to not make you part of the bridal party and then ask if you'd be the wedding planner for free!- sounds kind of like she didn't ask you to be a bridesmaid because she wanted you to be the wedding planner and make sure everything is ready and set up for the wedding/reception.
I bet she'll be one of those bridezilla's on her wedding day.
2007-12-07 08:01:51 · answer #2 · answered by Madison 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Talking about using a friend!
Tell her that you have several events planned around the same time as her wedding and that you will be too busy and booked up to be able to help her full time. Tell her that you would like to come as a guest and that time permitting, you would be able to offer some suggestions and give her names of some resources that she can research at her own convinience. Tell her taht she should not rely extrictkly on you because of your scheduling conflicts, but you will surely point her in the right direction.
Good luck
PS/ Do not ruin your friendship by becoming her unpaid wedding planner. You are a smart cookie.
2007-12-07 08:14:02 · answer #3 · answered by Blunt 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hi. Good for you for figuring this out. Seems that she had this in mind the whole time. Knowing that this is your business, she thought not making you a bridesmaid would make you want to jump up and down to be her wedding planner.
I totally agree with you. You need to tell her exactly as you have said here. That you want to ENJOY her wedding. Tell her again, that you would be happy to consult with her and give her recommendations on vendors...but that you do not want to be running around like Jennifer Lopez in "The Wedding Planner!"
2007-12-07 14:15:10 · answer #4 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your friend must have a lot of faith and trust in you to ask you to be her wedding planner. You must do a good job at event planning, so she felt that you would be perfect for the job. It's really not that bad being a wedding planner....I planned my own wedding in a month and I can't wait for someone else to get married so I can plan theirs.
One thing you got to remember. Is it's her day. So you gotta do things to make her happy and make this day special for her. Trust me she will remember what ever your choice is 20 years from now, and if it's not pleasing to her, it can ruin a friend ship.
Although you really don't want to do it. Please put your feelings to the side for a couple of months, and just do what she wants you to do. She wouldn't have asked you if she didn't think you would be perfect for the job. And trust me, the wedding planners job is Waaaaay more important than the brides maids. The wedding would not happen if someone didn't plan it.
But ask her if maybe you can do both.
2007-12-07 08:30:46 · answer #5 · answered by Imdatchick 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would be annoyed if i were you. She presumes youre gonna be her wedding planner but excludes you from the bridal party!!!! Maybe she thought she cant have you as a bridesmaid because you'd be too busy planning the wedding. Id tell her that youre happy to help out with the wedding but are hurt you werent asked to be in the bridal party considering the closeness of your friendship with her
2007-12-07 08:01:32 · answer #6 · answered by Cha cha 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I had a friend do the exact same thing to me I was appalled to say the least.
It hurt so bad when she did that it felt like she stabbed me in the heart. She was my best friend since childhood too.
She said she couldn't invite me because the list of family and close friends had to be cut down so she asked me to cater the wedding (mind you she wasn't paying me for my time and had a list to China and back of things for me to do. I had been a caterer for sometime and really didn't want to to that job for her because it no doubt, would have caused more problems than it was worth.
I would have been working for several days with a 3 person crew and had to assume all the responsiblity if anything wasn't to her liking. I said no thank you I will be very busy that day sorry I can't do it.
I know this may sound petty but people really should "think" before they say and do things that are hurtful to other people because when you grow-up with someone and are there friend for what seams like forever they sometimes take advantage of you and then think you are wrong for saying something that hurts "their" feelings.
I was so unhappy with her question and decision that we haven't spoken since and she never appoligized to me either.
Her comment was " at least I would get to be at the reception and see everyone there."
hope this helped. good luck.
2007-12-07 09:29:09 · answer #7 · answered by Ms. Diamond Girl 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you would like to plan her wedding, but will have to charge her for it. You are either her guest or somebody she has employed to work for her. You cant happily or effectively be both. Talk to her about it, tell her that you want to help but can only offer limited advice on certain aspects of her wedding. Tell her she is putting you in an awkward situation where your work life and home life are mixing too much, hopefully she will understand. If she doesnt im sure she wont throw away your friendship just becuase of this
2007-12-07 16:25:58 · answer #8 · answered by katie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did you tell her what you typed here? If yes, then I think it's really Bridzilla of her to act this way. If not, explain this to her. The reality is, most places (i.e. hotels and banquet halls) have someone on site the day of the wedding to worry about details anyways (your POC when your planning an event or party). Just direct her to a place and a person you have worked with before and can trust to take over the day of. I don't think what your asking is at all unreasonable!
2007-12-07 08:26:52 · answer #9 · answered by kimandryan2008 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
OMG. women. if she is already getting mad at you for not being the wedding planner then you can imagine how much of a bridezilla she'll be. Just tell her you will help her but not be a planner, be firm about it. she is gonna need all the help she can get. if she wanted a planner she would have come up with a way to get one. since she doesn;t she will need your help and hopefully will get over her little tantrum.
2007-12-07 08:01:39 · answer #10 · answered by Addie 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
If you are willing to act as her planner, offer to do it for her wedding/bridal shower present.
Don't be so mad about the bridesmaid thing. A lot of brides want family only in the bridal party, and this might be the case for her.
2007-12-07 14:42:33 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋