what do you do when you feel you've had things worse than everyone else ?

Question

and what do you do when things in life havent worked out the way youve wanted them to ?

i feel extremely bitter....i feel cheated and robbed of a life.
i imagine other people outthere happy and getting their needs met....happy and indulging in all lifes pleasures

while i sit in my one bedroomed flat having missed out on everything....missed out on being in a relationship...missed out on friendships....missed out on employment or enjoying life....gaining qualifications...missed out on it all.

ive suffered sexual abuse....bullying & victimization...throughout secondary school....never had a girlfriend.
im 30 now i have borderline personality disorder...i live in a one bedroom flat on sickness benifits....i honestly feel like im the only one thats suffered this bad.

i have physical imperfections...2 missing teeth...torn ankle ligaments...ive aged prematurley.
i feel extremely bitter & enraged that ive missed out so much and i feel jealous of those outthere who are happy & getting

their needs met.....that have fullfilling lives.

i have a deep resentment.

i have goals and dreams even after everything thats happened.

goals of living in a coastal village...in my own home...with a loving partner
and an ok job.
but at this disadvantage, at this late stage those goals are unobtainable and
remote.

and i feel bitter my lifes never worked out the way i wanted it to.

so in all honestly, its over for me isnt it?

Answer 1

You are 30 you have have your whole life ahead of you. There was a 90 year old that went to college for the first time last year. Once you're determined to do something its never over until you take your last breath.Its never over, life is never over.

Just look at Mrs Dubose in To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. She had a hard life. Her husband got killed in the war and she was a cantankerous old soul that was addicted to Morphine. She knew that she only had a few weeks left yet she broke her morphine addiction. Thats determination, knowing that you've got nothing to live for yet doing what you can anyway.

You say that things haven't worked out the way that YOU'VE wanted them to. Things aren't supposed to work out the way that YOU want them to. If they did do you think that you would enjoy life any more. I suppose you do. Maybe this will change your mind. In class our teacher gave us this question:

" What would you do with your life if you knew that you couldn't fail?"

now think about your answer for a minute.

now read this. I had a week to think about the question and this is my answer

I have spent almost a week contemplating this question, turning it over in y head, working through various scenarios. I still don't know exactly what I would do if I knew for definite that I couldn't fail at anything. However I have an idea of what would happen and it is very different from what I orginally thought.
Initially I would be thrilled riding on a tidal wave in which all my insecurities fears and failures would be washed away. I would plan great things, solve lifes mysteries, win prizes, acclaim.
After the initial excitement wears off perphaps a month, maybe a week, even a year I'll crash back down to earth complete eith the debris that was holding me up. I'll become parinoid, was I really good enough for this? And with everything in such easy reach why sould I take it? I'll become lazy and unable to self motivate. Why should I try at anything when I already know the answer? The chase will be gone. I'll be secure in one sense, torn to pieces in another., Unable to ride on the thrill of the chase, the element of chance that embodies life in every sense. What's the point in playing on the stock market when you know what's going to happen? Not exactly, perphaps but you know that you won't fail, loose everything. Why put ourself up for an Oscar when the outcome is predetermined?
Friends who have found out or guessed may become jealous. Perhaps they don't even realise it. Soon you will be left alone and you'll feel guilty. Perhaps her performance was better than yours. What if his research really is more important? How would they feel knowing what you do?
I prefer being tossed about by life. Having that element of chance so that no matter how confident you are about something you're never really sure. And lets face it, if you work hard enough at something, are determined to get it, chances are you will. If you don't that's God telling you that you're better off doing something else.

Do you understand? Imagining other people's lives doesn't do anything to change your own. No one has a perfect life. There's no such thing. The only thing that you can do is make the most of your own. You have isolated yourself. Your self confidence is rock bottom I know what it's like. I've been there. The truth is that it takes courage to get from that place. That place where you think that everyones laughing at you, talking about you, that place where you just want to hide.
You say that you have physical imperfections. Half the world has missing teeth they are easily replace with veneers. Torn ankle ligaments grow back. They are excuses and meagre ones at that for not living. You only get to live once so you might aswell make the most of life while you have it.

Set goals for yourself. I would suggest charity work maybe in the St. Vincent De Paul. There you will meet other people, do good in the world you'll get job satisfaction. You will find your confidence growing.

Also take up a hobby. Find something your good at that you like. Maybe gardeninig, cooking, drawing.......

Last but not least learn to accept who you are. That is the only way that you'll be happy. You can't always be happy if you were then you would never realise what the sensation is like.

Answer 2

No, it doesn't matter to anyone else, but it certainly does to you! Face it, in 100 years time, nothing that any of us have ever done, will matter a rat's wrinkle. And, if you shake ANYONE'S closet hard enough, skeletons WILL come out. We've all done things that we'd prefer didn't come to another person's attention. You may have done some bad things in the past, but that doesn't necessarily make you a bad person. The fact that you're feeling this sort of guilt and self-consciousness is possibly an indication that you regret your past actions - maybe it's time to move on and forgive yourself.

Answer 3

Your forty. Life is far from over. Instead of looking for what everyone else has, start making small plans to make your life better. You have a computer, take some online classes. Do something you normally wouldn't do. There is always someone for someone. Sitting feeling worthless will not fix anything. I am not patronizing you. You've been through hell and survived. Do you know how many people haven't? My friends daughter was raped repeatedly from the time she was 5 till she was fifteen by her stepfather. Her mother knew and did nothing. She cannot have children, she has had a hard time with relationships but has finally met a man who is helping her deal with everything. She is a junior in college working towards social work and psychology. People can survive. Sometimes it has to do with letting go of the anger and looking to the future. You have a right to be bitter, but your just letting all the people who wronged you win.

Answer 4

Its up to you to do something positive in your life. Why do you feel you have missed out on all the good stuff in life ? Did some one rob you of this? And I dont mean the sexual abuse because you were robbed in that respect . You have my sympathy sexual abusers need to be put down not away. BUT its up to you to do positive stuff with your life and be more proactive in doing this. Dont feel sorry for yourself or feel that youre the only one thats suffered because theres always others who are worse off than you are. Dont wallow in self pity or resent others who have had it better. Being bitter will make you twisted dude. Life can be a b1tch but it can also be what you make of it. Stop being miserable. Be grateful that you have a roof over your head an income and two legs that can get you around. Heaps of folk dont have what you have and alot of folk with mental illnesses are homeless.Be positive and dont dwell on the bad things that have happened to you. Build a bridge and get over it or you will wind up really ill. My thoughts go out to you. Kia kaha...Be strong. Join a group that interests you.

Answer 5

Thoughts become things whether they are negative or positive. If you concentrate on how terrible your life is it will continue to be terrible. Think of all the good things in your life and be thankful for them, even if its as simple as being grateful for the clothes on your back or a stranger giving you a smile or the wind in the trees. Think about reading the book "The Secret" they also have a movie. Type in "The Secret" in your search engine and see what you find. Great entrepreneurs refused to lose and that's why they are so successful. Just stay positive and I bet you'll see a difference.

Answer 6

Fantome' How's this for an idea. Why not move to Ethiopa or some other baron infested place where people are masacred in their beds and rape is an act of war. Where everyone is starving. I am sure you would make friends because everyone is in the same boat with little or few choices. Given a week of living there - you would realise you have paradise to live in already and you have choices.
Problem solved you are one of millions on this planet struggling to overcome hardship. But at least you have choices.

Answer 7

What to do? Watch the news, read a newspaper. You`ll see plenty of people who`ve had a rough time through no fault of their own (like yourself). I know graduates who can`t get a job, can`t pay student debt, and as a result are homeless. They got an education, but can`t get a job. I think they`re in an awful position, but nothing near as bad as someone existing (barely) in the likes of Darfur....life sucks, it`s worse for some tha others. Accept that, and it`ll be more bareable

Answer 8

You work harder.

That way instead of blaming your lot in life on others, you can prove to everyone that it IS possible for anyone to succeed. I'm living proof. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and use all of the negative feelings as motivation to better yourself.

Yes, some people definitely have it tougher than others, but that just makes you stronger.

Answer 9

it seems like you never read any of my last answers or articles i've sent.

to start with you've got to believe you can do it, and only focus on that, and everything in the past will always be part of you but it's like an annoying bell ringing in the background.

Ignore the ringing or let it out in therapy and the rest of the week it's all about what you need to think and do to get those goals.

Answer 10

You have to remember:
You have a roof over your head
You have food/water
You have clothes to wear
You are breathing on your own
You have money...(if you have the Internet)

These are things that many...many people don't have. Take it from me, I have been to some bad places that get their food from the latest arrival dump truck. Find a local church and joina group of believers who can help you find your way. I wish you God's blessing. Good luck.