what can i do to help him. he was in treatment for 40 days in july and august. i told him if we would stay together he would have to promise me he wouldnt use again. after a month of sobriety he relapsed. and he just told me last night. i decided to give him one more chance because he is really sinceire about changing and i am serious that next time it will be over without any quetions. im wondering if there is anything i can do to help him with this struggle.
2007-12-07 07:55:49 · 11 answers · asked by sup shelby 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You can't do anything - he must do it himself. You are right to walk away if he continues his addiction. That is the one thing you CAN do for him - show him you will not accept that behavior.
2007-12-07 08:02:03 · answer #1 · answered by misselie1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are not powerful enough to fix him. nobody is. He must make the decision to chose sobriety versus active addiction. However, there is something you can do for yourself which might help both of you. Go to a meeting for the friends and families of addicts/alcoholics. "alanon". I battled my husband for years with his drinking, i thought i could do something to coerce him into stopping. he didn't, until i helped myself. I went to an alanon meeting and in that meeting, kept an open mind and used the suggestions I learned there. I practiced them and had also made the decision to divorce him and move on. i was very surprised when he checked himself into a treatment center. 3 days later. he never relapsed and has been sober over 9 years. this will not happen in all circumstances. more often than not, the addict has to lose something and hit bottom. an open AA meeting where the people share their stories might give you some insight as to what he is going thru and how he feels, they also share stories of how they were very adept at manipulating the people around them. my words may not be what you want to hear, but i've been there. Please put yourself first. good luck.
2007-12-07 16:16:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is not much you can do to help him other than by supporting him and keeping him motivated in reaching his sobriety goal. It's not easy to fall back from an addiction, and relapses are common. Just remember that you need to look after yourself, as well as him. If this relationship is hurting you too much, don't force yourself to stay in it. Maybe he needs to focus on getting sober before anything else. You have to think of what's best for you. In the end, it may wind up being what's best for the both of you. Good luck!
2007-12-07 16:10:14 · answer #3 · answered by Mujareh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ugh, tough situation. Support him honey, as much as you possibly can. Help him out and talk to him, and if needed talk to him about going back to treatment. But in the meantime be supportive. Don't knock him for the relapse, but talk with him, tell him how you feel about it, I'm sure it hurt you and will continue to do so if something doesn't change. Ask him what even made him do it, considering the treatment was helpful. Ask him if thats what he really wants to choose over you. Just talk with him, get some answers so you can understand what he's going through. If you've never been through it you'll never understand what goes through his head, you know.
2007-12-07 16:04:06 · answer #4 · answered by Ladybugs77 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not to be mean, but an addict is always sincere when they are talking to loved ones about rehab. You really can't do anything except to support sobriety, and condemn abuse. It sounds like you're going to stay with him, so be prepared for the worst. Good luck, and I recommend attending some Al-Anon meetings so you can be prepared to deal with everything.
2007-12-07 16:04:23 · answer #5 · answered by Lisa M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All you really can do is be there for him.
I went through this with my boyfriend now, it took about 2yrs to finally come completely sober. It is a HARD struggle, support him, let him know that its for the better. What I did to help was try to do things that didn't allow him to use, like every time he drank he woud use....so we would go bowling, minature golfing, rent movies, shopping, eat dinner. His problem was his FRIENDS! They would always influence him and be using in front of him. He finally started hanging out with a new crowd, and then eventually we moved out of state to start over.
He has to WANT to be sober, if he wants it...then he will change his ways, friends, habits for you.
Good luck and hang in there! Its gonna be a very long bumpy road. your gonna fight but just keep reminding him its for the better.
2007-12-07 16:07:42 · answer #6 · answered by .dreamin.w/.him. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't give him a chance, I was addicted to painkillers and my girlfriend left me because of it. I got help but it took a long time to gain her trust back. I have been clean for a long time now , but it took losing everything to realize that I wasn't only hurting myself I was hurting the people close to me as well. I am telling you leave him otherwise I promise he will hurt you again.
2007-12-07 16:09:18 · answer #7 · answered by hoota2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When people suffer from addiction you can't do anything to make them stop. Kicking the habit is something they must decide to do. All you can do is provide them with is professional help. Once in rehab you can support them emotionally.
2007-12-07 16:07:28 · answer #8 · answered by Joy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem like a wonderful person for helping him and sticking with him through his up and downs . If he is currently working most employers have a line called "EAP" Employee assistance program (www.eap.com) or call 800-343-3822 this line is totally confindental and they will help him with what ever he needs . God Bless you .
2007-12-07 16:02:22 · answer #9 · answered by Brandon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't up to YOU to help him. He prefers drugs to you. Period. He makes his own choices and you came in second. An addict can not be changed. An addict must take responsibility for himself, make the big choice and follow through. Dump him.
2007-12-07 16:03:40 · answer #10 · answered by Wifeforlife 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋