17 years old.planned to have baby now broken up?

Question

My boyfriend and I had been together for 2 years and we planned to conceive a baby in October because we both wanted one and October would give me enough time to graduate before it was born. We had several reasons. First being that we both are very responsible and both have jobs as well as being college bound. His parents have been having a hard time together and we hoped that by taking the stress and drama off of them and puttin git on us with a pregnancy then we could unite them on a single issue and they could rekindle their love. He also has a desperate wish to be a father because when he was 14 he really was the father in an accidental pregnancy however his ex was very cruel and has always denied him any contact with his daughter. All these reason seemed good and we got right on trying. However after 4 months of trying with no luck and the situation with his parents not getting any better he has gone off the deep end and broken up with me. Any advice or comments?

The crazy thing is that even though he broke up with me he doesnt want to be out of my life and is still coming to my family christmas. I am assuming we will get back together in the future however what are we supposed to do when that happens? Obviously we arent just going to go back to trying to have a baby after what he has done, but what if that is what he wants?

Answer 1

He is very troubled by his parents divorce. he regrets getting a girl pg when he was 14. Having a child now will compound his problems. He needs counseling to deal with his problems.

You need to prevent a pregnancy until you are out of college and able to support yourself and the child if he is not able or willing. Take care of yourself and be aware that your bf is not able to be a supportive co-parent at this time.

Answer 2

no baby no way!!! you are doing it for all the wrong reasons. it will not make his parents get back together. just because you are out of school doesnt mean you will have the money to take care of it. you will have to stop working, you know that right?? at least for 2 months or so. and just because his ex wont let him see the baby doesnt mean you should give him a new one.

so now he goes crazy and breaks up with you. do you REALLY think this is a stable situation for a child???

grow up a little more.

Answer 3

I'm 17 with a baby, and it is so HARD! although i love my son to death but i don't recommend anybody my age to have a baby because you will never sleep again and you wont get to do anything anymore. all your friends you think you had wont talk to you anymore (even if you they say they will). when i was pregnant i had no idea it would be as hard as it was, of course i became excited soon after i balled my eyes out and had a panic attack, but it was a lot of mixed emotions throughout the whole thing. i don't know what its like to want one. i just wasn't careful enough. but i remember always saying "i don't do anything anyway, so a baby might not be so bad" but once i had him i realized i did do a lot i just took it for granted, and i feel tired all the time. teenagers shouldn't be parents, but the few that have children young are great parents, you have to grow up right away. i don't know some girls want babies early anyway but i guess its a female thing. do what you want though, my advice for you is make sure you are financially ready, you have support just in case and you can mentally and emotionally handle it. i was a lot like you before i had my son did drugs, was depressed, sent to rehabs. and was told i couldn't have kids because of what the drugs did to my menstrual cycle, a baby will change most women so much, i have changed a lot in ways that make my smile at the thought of how far my love for him pushed me in life i don't even smoke cigarettes anymore or think about it, i don't have time for that and i need to be happy for my baby. maybe it could be a good thing, depending on your personality but its super hard, and i promise you'll be soooo tired!!! the guy i dated for 5 years and had a baby with is now my husband and i;m only 17, we are going into the air force..well he is to support us and make sure we have insurance its a good choice for us and our future because i truly want whats best for my son, and you will too! just stay out of drugs they can mess up your fertility later in life if you choose to have kids then. good luck with whatever you choose, be strong if you become a mother. make sure you boyfriends okay with it too.

Answer 4

All the reasons you listed are not good reasons to have a baby. Especially at age 17. Go to college, get an education, get married, and THEN try for a family. Be responsible. You are still only a kid yourself. And be thankful you didn't get pregnant yet.

Answer 5

Dump this loser unless you want to be fighting to collect child support for the next 18 years and living your life as a living hell. Further your education and get a job; break the mold.

Answer 6

Here's the voice of experience. Had my first one at 17, second one just before I turned 20. I love my kids to death, but would give anything if they'd came along later! Had to stay home and raise them, no college for me!
Their father was cute as anything, but unstable, and a loser. We divorced after 8 years, and he was in and out of jail the whole time. There was never enough money for the basic essentials, went without a car for years, and I don't know how we would have survived if not for my parents taking up the slack! Washed clothes in the bathtub plenty of times when there was no money for the laudromat!
Now, I'm in my forties. Since I couldn't work much when my kids were younger, and I never got a college degree, I'm a counterperson at an auto parts store, making slightly over minimum wage. Real glamorous, huh? I have to work all the time, so I have no time to go to college now.
The kids turned out all right. My son is a Sergeant in the Army, and my daughter is close to earning her Bachelor's degree (I was able to hold myself up as an example of what not to do!).
Beyond that, life has pretty much sucked. All my hopes and dreams have long since evaporated. At 17, I had no idea what a drastic change was going to come over my life when I had a baby.
Kids are not cheap! If you want to amount to anything, and be able to give your kids a decent life, wait until you finish college, get married, and are stable in your life and career before introducing that element.
Babies are like black holes, they suck up every available particle of your time, energy, and money. There are lots of good reasons to have them (none of which made your list), but you have to be prepared, mentally, physically, and financially.
Enjoy being young and pretty while you still are. Enjoy being able to wear bikinis! I haven't been able to show my belly in public since the summer I was16! I got so many stretch marks, my stomach looks like an urban street map! They never completely go away, you know.
You still have a good 25 years of quality baby making time, don't rush it. Once you have kids, your life ends, in a sense. You can do nothing without thinking about them first. You can't spontaneously go out, ever. You have to get a sitter, or take them with you. You have to take them to school and pick them up, 10 months out of the year, for at least 10 years. There's games, recitals, practices, whatever activities your kids get into. You have to run errands on your lunch hour, cause that's all you've got!
Your evenings are a harried meal, homework, and getting the kids bathed and in bed. By the time you do whatever you have to do, it's way late, and you fall into bed too exhausted to pay any attention to your partner (if he's even still awake). Then you have to hit the floor running 6 or 7 hours later!
Mornings are no better. Lost homework, shoes, gloves, you name it. Tantrums over not wanting to wear a certain outfit. It's all you can do to get yourself dressed and all of you out the door on time. Then the experts tell you you're a bad parent if your kids didn't get a hot, home-cooked breakfast! My kids grew up on cereal, I'll admit it.
Weekends are usually grocery shopping, housework, and trying to get everything caught up, arranged around whatever your kids have going on. Sounds like a great life, huh?
Do I even need to go into trying to accomplish Christmas shopping? Standing in line at 3 am the morning after Thanksgiving, the temperature always below freezing, with 500 other parents, all of you riveted on the mere 50 of whatever that year's hot toy is! I saw 2 moms get in a fist fight in Wal-mart over a Furbie one year! People have actually been trampled when they open the doors! Christmas cheer goes out the window when you can't get that toy your kid can't live without!
These are all things I have lived through, and I hope you postpone motherhood until you are older and better able to survive it! Good luck!

Answer 7

BEFORE you do anything else... watch the movie " Idiocracry" .. its about things like this.. you may change your mind or find further wisdom with it.. Pray to god about your problems too He wont let you down ever.


Mr Smith~

Answer 8

You're seventeen. You're still a kid yourself. (I'm gonna be 20, I can't really say I'm much of an adult myself, don't say it) Why the hell do you want one of your own? The rest of your life will, I repeat, _will_ go down the toilet.

Answer 9

Be very thankfull you are not pregnant and move on with your life.

Answer 10

do you smoke or him?? or drink?? cuz thats can stop yous , me and my baby father could get preg for 4 yrs. now i have a cutee lil boy and now we not toghter !!! see your dr. best of luck plus you shold wait trust mean its hard work i have 2 kid i had my first one when i was15