Should my homeschooled daughter go to school?

Question

She is in 4th grade. She has always been homeschooled. She is doing very well- 99th percentile on CAT tests, excellent musician, great, fun kid. However, she is an only child.

It is difficult for my wife to get her to do her work now. My daughter just prefers being with other kids. A couple of months ago, she said she didn't like the violin, then she got in an orchestra with other kids and now she likes it. Now, she says she doesn't like math and it's hard to get her to do her work, but if she were in a group, I think she would enjoy it. It's just boring to be all by yourself.

We could try to get a homeschool group or co-op going though. That's another alternative.

I am a real homeschooling advocate, but I wonder if my daughter would just prefer spending her time in school with other kids instead of at home with her mom. Don't just say to sign her up for classes, because she is already in lots of them and plays with the neighbors all the time. What do you think?

My wife and I are both former teachers.

Answer 1

Sending your daughter to school might "fix" one problem, but what other problems will come out of it?

Think about why you chose to homeschool and all the benefits that come with homeschooling. Then decide if this one "benefit" of public school really outweighs everything else. Just because she would prefer to be in school with other kids doesn't mean it's actually in her best interests.

A homeschooling group or co-op would be a great idea. You're right--it can be boring working by yourself. But she's not by herself. Encourage your wife to be as much of a student as your daughter. Mom could do her own math next to your daughter or something. My kids love it when I'm doing school stuff next to them. Although I took calculus in university, it's been a number of years. I recently acquired a first-year calculus book and have been working on that while they work on their stuff. It can be much more motivating to see parents doing their own learning instead of learning being some imposition on just the kids. When my dd is writing a story, she loves seeing me write my own story at the same time. Things like that.

You might also consider finding a different math program. Kids grow and change. A style or approach we used at one time doesn't necessarily work all the time. For other subjects, make them as project-based as possible so mom can be a part of it, too. Your daughter doesn't have to be the only participant in class. :)

Answer 2

We sat an alarm clock for my daughter (9 yo). She has to work steadily for 30 minutes then she can have a break. She is given 30 minutes to do whatever. She can watch TV, play outside, play on the computer. We found that her work is done in about 2 to 2 1/2 hours when we do this if we forget she ends up taking all day. I think some of it may be age and a little rebellion.
For math is she using the same curriculum? My daughter was telling me the same things "I can't its too hard" or "I don't like math." We tested her at home and found that even though she was able to answer the problems it was taking a lot longer than it should. We also found that she had no concept as to how subtraction worked! The solution was to find a new curriculum that she could understand. We changed to Math-U-See. Simply because when we ordered the DVD to find out about the program her eyes lit up, she looked at me and said "Mom I GET THAT!" She was so excited she finally understood basic addition! She's in third grade! She was in public school until this time last year. She was working on second grade for the second time and still didn't understand basic addition let alone subtraction! We started 3 weeks ago with the math-u-see she is already on lesson 8 and she is doing all the work that it comes with! She is just enjoying math now so she does twice what I assign her!

Answer 3

I have a daughter, same age, home schooled by my wife from the beginning. We cyber school so some of the work is on the computer, many with other kids in a "chat type" room with a real teacher leading. As she gets older she gets more and more on-line time. You may want to try that route as an alternative. At my house, if she is giving my wife a hard time I assume she is not getting enough rest and she goes to bed early that night... the possibly worst thing in her opinion.

I would stay out of public schools, maybe consider a private. By you description she would be board and lose all interest in a public school, probably rebel also.

We just discovered something at our house. It sometimes takes a long day of procrastination for my daughter to finish a day of school, but last week we left her and my son alone to do all the assigned work and they had the rest of the day to play on the computer. They had it all done in 90 minutes. Maybe the carrot on a stick would help.

It sounds like your daughter either needs more discipline or a reward system not socialism. That is all she has to gain in a public school. The bad new is most of that socialism you probably would not approve of. IMHO

Good Luck!

Answer 4

I was homeschooled until I was in Second Grade. Then my parents put us (my siblings) in a private christian school. We did really good and had friends to hang out with also. You could try doing that or look in your area and see if there are some homeschooling groups. I know a family who does this and her kids are doing great. They are still homeschooled, but the group gets together several times a month and that way the kids also have friends to play with. If you think that public school would be ok, you could go with it for like a year and see if it works, if she don't like it then do something else.
Good luck and hope you find something your daughter will enjoy.

Answer 5

I was homeschooled until high school, then I begged my parents to let me go back to public school, and I ended up hating it. I learned so much when I was at home. When I went to public school I was bored and the other kids had nothing in common with me. Now I'm in college and I love it, I'm actually learning new things, and the people there want to learn also. If anything, I'd suggest putting her into a private school. Homeschool groups and co-ops are okay, but most of the time it's just mom's with young children, and children older than 8 or 9 have a hard time finding kids to play with. It is boring to be home all day, but I definitely don't think public school is a good idea. She will be way ahead of the other children and she'll get tired of having to sit in class all day.

My mom often homeschool other people's children, in our home. That made it more fun for us, because there was more learning together. I also had little brothers, but still I was bored and loved it when my mom did extra teaching and tutoring. Perhaps your wife could find another little girl to come over and learn with you daughter. I think that would be better than sending her to school, where she'll be exposed to things you probably don't want her to learn, and where she'll be bored because she is most likely way ahead of other kids her age.

I also started taking college classes at the local Community College when I was about 13, perhaps in a few years you could sign her up for that, too.

Answer 6

From the sound of things, she's already spending plenty of time with other kids. It sounds like you may just have a case of burnout. Try the co-op idea, but also make sure she has plenty of "down time". Unstructured playtime is essential to a child's development. We also involve different "teachers" when our daughter gets bored with my smiling face. Working with Mom does get old. So, we bring in Dad, Grandma, or even a friend of the family sometimes. My daughter is the same age as yours and is also an only child. The difference is that she began in public school, and hated it. Sending her back would be a punishment. She's very social. She's also pleased as punch to get to learn at home. Keep it up. You're doing everything right.

Answer 7

I actually went from public school to being in a homeschool group. I'm still attending and I absoulty love it. It's alot of work for me however. I go to school twice a week but do a weeks worth of work in those 2 days. However all the classes have less than 10 people. So you get more hands-on time with the teacher. Also all the teachers are so laid back beacuse there are less in a class room at one time. I also have all my teacher phone number and emails so if I have a question I always have a way to get in-touch with them. I wouldn't go back to public school. But that might be how the schools are ran where I live.


Hope this helps :)

Answer 8

Sounds like a normal 4th grader. She might do well in a group at first because it is different and something fresh. After a while she will become bored with it as well.

Only you and your wife can decide if it is right for her to be in public school. A co-op is a great idea. Maybe even taking time off of math, say just a few weeks and concentrate on something else, as long as your schedule allows for that. Trying another curriculum is another idea.

Good luck.

Answer 9

Well that is up to you as her parents. Is she an only child?

As far as Math, going to school may or may not make that more fun. When I was a kid you could have paid me and Math would still not have seemed "worth it" to me. :o)

I think that you might want to try a co-op first, but if you decide to send her to school just remember that you can always change your mind.

When it comes to refusing to do work though, honestly I think you have to look at it like you would other issues. First the math curriculum might not be a good fit for you daughter, other than that.... What would you do if she refused to clean her room? Brush her teeth? Go to the doctor? Go to bed? Come inside when called? She doesn't HAVE to like it to do it.

Answer 10

I would really try the co op route first - but try to find a tutorial type of co op. This can either be with hired-in teachers or mom-taught, but it sounds like your daughter needs both the competition of a classroom and the structure of a tutorial. Too often, informal co ops tend to lose their structure pretty quickly.

My son (also an only) is in 5th and has been homeschooled since 1st. He has been in a tutorial co op since last year, and while there are classes that he could do at home or there with the same results, there are a couple of classes that he just plain works harder for an instructor. His writing class for example - he would move heaven and earth to please that instructor, and he loves having the class with his friends. He even assigns himself extra papers and more requirements per paper or story to show her what he can he do.

Sometimes, your child just needs a new instructor for some classes - especially if it's a subject that doesn't come easy to them. My son would do math and science all day long if I let him - he barely even needs me to instruct him - but being dyslexic, subjects based around language structure are harder for him. Having an instructor to please really helps him to advance in his writing.

I would suggest checking to see if there are other homeschool families in your area that would be willing to get together for a couple of classes, say math and science (or something like that). Even having 4 or 5 other kids in the class could really do wonders for her - she'll have both the support of knowing she's not the only one and the competition of keeping up with everyone. You could run it as an actual class, but keep it fun, and base it around what the kids need.

(Being mid-year, it'll be difficult to get her into a skills-based co op class...but starting your own with some like-minded families could be just the thing she needs.)

Good luck - hope that helps!