Do you think being mature is a good reason to get married at age 19?

Question

My daughter is 19 and is getting married very soon to her 19 year old fiance.
She is very intelligent and did well at school and is attending University to study to be a school teacher.
She tells me this is good reason for her to get married at an early age of 19.
Her fiance is 19 and in the Navy.
She says she loves him very much.
I get concerned because she is only 19 and will have to spend many months without him.
Do you think she will be ok? I would have liked for her to have finished her schooling and then settled down but she says that marriage is too important to her.
Her wedding will be with 220 guests and she is hoping her father and I will pay for this at $80 a head.
I get overwhelmed by the whole thing

Answer 1

Have her talk to some Navy wives on what it's like being away from their husbands. Also, if your not comfortable paying $80 a head, then don't do it! If she is really ready to get married, then she can start taking responsibility by working in a smaller budget and helping contributing to her wedding.
By the way, I just thought of this. Have you thought of saying that you will pay X amount if she waits until after graduation because then you will have time to save, but for now you will only pay a smaller amount?
If she is choosing to get married, she needs to be aware that mom and dad aren't going to continue to pay for things. She will need to work it out with her husband.

Answer 2

I don't think maturity is a good reason to get married. Granted, it sure does help and is a key factor but she should consider some other facts that you have already mentioned. What would she do if she became pregnant and her hubby went away and she had to deal with school and a baby. Most likely she would drop out of school because she wouldn't be able to drop out of being a Mom. I think there is no rush to get married, she is 19 and should continue to date this guy or even have a long engagement but they shouldn't rush into getting married. As far as 220 guests and you paying, you should talk to her about that. If she is adult enough to decide to get married she can surely come up with some funds to help you out. We are paying for the majority of our wedding and the parents are pitching in a small portion. Neither parties should go into debt for a wedding. Good luck but I would say just talk to her and try to voice your concerns in a caring way and maybe she will come around to the idea of waiting a year.

Answer 3

My sister was 19 when she got married two years ago. Her husband was 21 and also in the navy. Believe me, I had the same concern! Not only was she so young, my poor sister is without her hubby all the time when he's on cruise.
As for her being married so young, there was really nothing we could do about it, they loved each other and were getting married. End of story. We weren't going to disown her because we thought she was too young, all we could really do was support her. Turns out, it looks like they were right ... it's been two years, and they're absolutely perfect for each other.
When they first got married, they moved into an apartment. After a while, they decided to do the smart thing and save money, so they moved in with my dad. Not only was this the best thing for them moneywise, but when her hubby goes on cruise, my sister has the support of her family to keep her from being lonely and getting depressed (I'll be honest, this was somewhat of a problem when they were living alone).

Also ... my sister is going to school, she isn't working. She's able to do this because her husband is in the navy, and they save money on not paying rent. They're saving, and they're paying off any and all bills they have from the wedding, their car, etc. So take it from someone who knows, if they really want to make it work, they can. It's very possible, and your daughter will be fine during those months without her husband, so long as she has plenty of support behind her to keep her busy.
Hope this helps! :)

Answer 4

Wow! That's an expensive wedding! If you can't pay for it without going into debt, you're within your rights to tell her 'no'. Offer to contribute an amount that you can afford, and encourage her to have a less expensive wedding. That's really extravagant - especially when they're 19, in college, in the military and probably don't have a pot to pee in.

I would strongly advise her against getting married so young. Even if she feels mature - heck, even if she IS mature - she's not through with her education or financially secure. Also, people change so much between ages 18 and 25. She may be a very different person in a few years, and unless she and her partner both change in the same ways, they may not still be compatible. She needs to finish her studies without the stress of marriage, and she needs to spend her first few years of marriage without the stress of university. Also, because she's still in college and not working full-time, they'll be strapped for cash. Money is a huge factor in marital problems and divorces. If at all possible, she needs to wait until she is through with her degree and has a job.

Where I'm from, people tend to get married very young: 18, 19, 20....and the divorce rate is sky-high.

If they're right for each other, they'll still be right for each other in 4 or 5 more years.

Answer 5

19 is awfully early age to marry but I can relate with how your daughter feels. I remember being 19 and getting my girlfriend pregnant. We believed that we truly understood what love was and were are certain that we could spend eternity together. Well this eternity lasted for just over 2 years. Luckily we were able to keep our friendship and did have a wonderful son who is now 32 years of age and has blessed us with his own happy marriage and a pair of beautiful granddaughters. But back then we thought that we had all the answers to the world and knew better than all those around us who advised that perhaps we were a little too young and had much living to do before we wed. Sadly they were all right and we were mistaken. I wish your daughter a more successful ending than I had at the time. I do know of another couple who were friends of my exes and I who married at the same age after only seeing each other for about 6 months. They are really the only successful couple that remains together from that time and are extremely happy together till this day. You are right to be worried about the expense of this union also as it sounds like you are on the hook for a very expensive wedding. Best of luck to all involved.

Answer 6

Well at that age, a lot changes. I can't say much b/c I am only 21 and just finished my schooling, but I do know from looking back to when I was 19 and who I thought I wanted to "marry", I was definately different than I am now and would never get back togethe with that person. A lot can change, I would be concerned and ask her to maybe be engaged for at least another year. It can't hurt right?

My H2B is in the Navy as well and yes it's hard being apart for many months (though his is only 6 months at a time). It's going to be tough for her but I'm sure she'll do well. We're planning on being engaged around a year and half because of deployments (which he leaves next week) and my job situation. I've known him for about 5 years, so a longer engagement isn't going to kill either of us. Ask her about a longer engagement? Can't hurt anyone.

Answer 7

No 19 is not a good age to get married.
Mature or not. At 19 you will still grow as a person. We have different wants and needs over the years.
People say they are different but we aren't we all go through these stages.

In my opinion I would rather live an open life and not limit myself to other opportunities that maybe come.

Plus Military guys do this a lot. It takes a lot for a person to be able to live with out the person they love. People have needs if you know what I mean

Answer 8

19 is way too young, I can't see myself married right now, and I'm almost 25! She should wait until she is out of school (I am also going for my teacher cert. This semester and next fall will be my last two, student teaching being my last. It's from 7:30 to 4:30 every week day. That is a lot of work even for a single person...I couldn't imagine what it would be like for someone who is married, who's to say she won't have kids by then?

Also, you shouldn't be paying that much for her wedding, you should tell her if she wants to get married so badly she has to invite less people, or she needs to come down on the price per person. This is a wedding, tell her it's the marriage that matters.

If they really love eachother, they can wait for him to be out of the Navy, and for her to be out of school, love waits, if it really is meant to be. At 19 you certainly don't know who you are, you will change in the next several years, she will change, and he will too.

They will grow at different rates and in different directions. If she just HAS to get married tell her you're not sure if you support her or not, but you still love her of course.

She needs to bring the cost of her wedding down, or not expect you to pay for it, that isn't fair. $17,600! That's a down payment on a house, that's a new car, that is part of her college education! That is too much money, and that's what you need to tell her!

Answer 9

Mom, a 19 year old only THINKS she is mature.
I'm SO glad I didn't marry the guy I thought I would at 19. Even glad I didn't marry the only I thought I would at 24.
The one I married at 28 was THE ONE.
Your daughter needs to grow into a woman first. Finish her education, get out into the reality of the working world, paying her own bills, getting experience... and becoming the best woman she can to bring her best self to a marriage.
And just think, a mature independent woman and her fiance would be paying for their own wedding!

Answer 10

Being intelligent and doing well in school are NOT clear signs of maturity. Finishing college, establishing her career, and saving some money while waiting to get married would be signs of maturity. You need to hang on to your money and tell her no wedding until her education is complete. Then, instead of paying for an elaborate wedding, decide how much you think a wedding should cost (and it ain't $80 a head!!!) and then offer THAT amount of money for she and her new husband to use for a down payment on a home. Have a simple and much less expensive wedding that they can pay for themselves when the time is right.
Tell your daughter that she can still love him...but marriage should wait until their lives are settled down a bit first. Sometimes a Mom just has to put her foot down, ya know?