My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, we have a 1 1/2 old son together also. We started going thru problems and our son and I moved out. One day I caught him in bed with this other girl. Then he told me she might be pregnant. I have decided to stay and try to work things out and get past this. My question or advice I'm seeking is this...How do I let go? How do I get past this?
2007-12-07 03:01:18 · 29 answers · asked by chasemom 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, we have a 1 1/2 old son together also. We started going thru problems and our son and I moved out, but we decided to stay together. One day I caught him in bed with this other girl. Then he told me she might be pregnant. I have decided to stay and try to work things out and get past this. My question or advice I'm seeking is this...How do I let go? How do I get past this?
2007-12-07 04:00:45 · update #1
You deserve better..
2007-12-07 03:05:03 · answer #1 · answered by Nathan J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"How do I let go? How do I get past this?"
First of all, recognize that you two weren't married, so he was under no obligation to put his life on hold after you moved out. There is an exception to this, however, if you both agreed to remain faithful during the seperation. However, I don't understand how seperating works anything out. If you really wanted to work things out, you shouldn't have left. You should have stayed put. If there was no prior agreement to not see other people while you were seperated, then he NEVER cheated on you. He was a free man. And so were you.
Second, you both need to make sure whatever problems you were having are still being worked out, if they aren't solved already. Don't fit yourself into the definition of insanity, which is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results.
Third, did you see other people while you were moved out? If you did, then recognizing that you were no better than him will go a long way towards being able to forgive him. Does he know? Maybe you should tell him. Especially if you've been beating him over the head about it all this time, while you have been a hypocrite. If neither of you had an agreement to remain faithful during the seperation, and you remained so anyway, then you must recognize that you cannot judge him by your perceived standards. If he had the right to see other women, you have to respect that right, even if it hurts.
Last, you don't really have to get past this. You can still dump him, and if the relationship has more troubled times than good times, you should. It won't do your child any good to grow up in a house where his parents are dysfunctional.
El Chistoso
2007-12-07 03:15:34 · answer #2 · answered by elchistoso69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Omg that's awful. Well the most obvious issue is that he may very well have cheated on you many more times, but only this time he was forced to tell you. A one-night stand is one thing, but you should probably assume he's cheated more than once. Are you willing to live with that? BUT if it really was a one-time mistake, or even if he cheated more often but really feels bad now and will never do it again, then you have to decide if your relationship is great enough to look past it. But honestly, it's going to be AWFUL for you to watch him with his child and the child's mother. Imagine what your friends and family will think? My ex boyfriend has a daughter and it was so difficult to watch him be linked permanently with this one woman, wishing I was the mother of his child.... You'll have this women competing for his attention, time and money, and as the mother of his child, she will always win. This child will always remind you of his unfaithfulness. So unless you are extremely secure with this relationship and the mutual love is strong enough to survive, I'd suggest let him go and go travel or do something you couldn't do without him. Live you life. Maybe in a few years you'll reconnect and things will be better. Either way don't even think about marriage until you've livd through the first years of the child's life, to see how you feel about the child and if you are able to foster a relationship with the women with whom your bf cheated on. Good luck! Also, either way, do some fun activities with friends or something to keep yourself happy and sane.
2016-05-22 00:20:39 · answer #3 · answered by reva 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a difficult position. There isn't anyone on here that can tell you what to do. You have to decide that on your own. Listen to your heart. You could stay with him and work things out if he isn't interested in the other woman anymore, or you could move on with your life and take your son and start fresh. Either way, cheating is a horrible thing, that hurts more than anything. I have been there. My boyfriend cheated on me, and we are still together. It is very hard because I don't trust him one bit, and I am always accusing him, and snooping around. Our relationship is very difficult. There are guys that can cheat once, and never do it again, or there are guys that can cheat and continue to do so. You need to figure out what kind of guy he is. I don't have any advice on how to let it go, because I still haven't been able to do that. AND I am still not past the cheating. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help.
2007-12-07 05:01:12 · answer #4 · answered by Nikki Lee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, if I was in your position, I don't think I'd be able to ever get over something like this. Yeah, the guy had a son with you, but he also has the possibility of having another kid with someone else. You must be obviously a committed and forgiving person, but I think you should find someone else much more deserving of you than your boyfriend, unless he really really shows you that hes going to change...( i mean, he shouldn't have slept with someone else knowing that he has a child with you... it shows irresponsibility and immaturity.. PLUS... if you do end up back with him and the other girl has a baby, he's probably going to have to help her take care of it (financially and/or physicially). This is a tough situation to be in, and sometimes you just have to start off all over, as tough as it may be, itll all work out for the best.
2007-12-07 03:21:57 · answer #5 · answered by cathyehhh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way to get past this is to leave him and more forward. He's proven to you that when things get tough between the two of you he runs into the arms of someone else. You will always have that vision of the two of them in bed together and with this possible child that will be visiting your home to see their dad this will always be a knife in your heart. Your child is at a good age to make this break because he will not remember you as a family and so it won't be as hard on him as it would if you stayed and tried to make things work only to delay the obvious. Good luck.
2007-12-07 03:13:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont know if you could ever let that go. A good relationship is based on trust. If you cant trust him then it is not going to work. Just because you have a baby together does not mean you have to stay. Then think he might have another baby with another woman on the way that everyother weekend he might have. Which will be a constant reminder to you that he cheated. I really think you need to think about leaving and finding someone that really loves and cares about you. YOu deserve to be respected! Good luck!
2007-12-07 03:16:54 · answer #7 · answered by Sheree 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a female cheater who has a husband but found myself preg by another man- my affair was in no way meant to hurt my family & I love my husband VERY VERY MUCH...I am still hoping he stays with me although I know this is going to be very hard for us to get threw-My suggestion is that you go into this open minded about the future which will be hard since now this woman may be a part of your lives forever,remember that he is human which means we are subject to human error,and if in due time after giving it your best you can't get past this then the only logical thing to do is let go instead of hurting yourself more by trying to fix something beyond your power--I'm sorry your going through this I know it must hurt like hell,take it one step at a time be strong when you can & show your pain when it hurts
2007-12-07 03:15:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave now and get on with life for you and your son.
Guys aren't that complicated. We do what we want to do.
Don't blame the other girl. Your EX bf made his decision and he didn't think about you, trust me on this he only thought about himself. Cut your losses and find a man who loves you and will treat you better. Do you really want your son to think this is the way to treat women? If you take the cheating BF back that's what you are telling him and he'll have no respect for you or other women because of it. Think of your son. Also, chances are he's cheated more than 1 time during your five year relationship whether you know it or not.
2007-12-07 03:09:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sweety I don't really think there is any getting past this. If he did get her pregnant then you will have to deal with the fact that he is tied to this chick forever now. Hes stupid for cheating on you. How can you get that image out of you head and you caught them in bed together??? I say dump him now and only deal with him when it comes to your kid. Don't try to work out a relationship with him because you will regret it later on. Trust me.
And he does not respect YOU or your child if he goes out and cheats and gets another girl pregnant. Dont waist another minute on him. Does he like having kids all over the place? You can do better.
2007-12-07 03:03:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Decide now if you will ever be able to handle never bringing it up. If you can ever see yourself swallow it and let him live like it never happened.
If the answer is yes, then you'll work it out and time will heal your wounds.
But if your answer is no, then you'll never be able to marry him. You'll never be a good wife, and your son will have to watch a broken hearted mom raise him and not understand why.
Don't allow this to turn into stress. It will affect your body and your relationship with your son. Focus on your future and what's best for you and your family.
2007-12-07 03:08:04 · answer #11 · answered by V 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋