2007-12-07 02:52:13 · 10 answers · asked by Happy 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the champagne was going down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., drunk to the gills, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly realizing he'd probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him. The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him 12:00. He didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "oh ****," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted.
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?
Scroll down for the answer...
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.
Men keep'a scrollin'...
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.
2007-12-07 03:49:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
A Black man, White man, and Chinese man go to the mines looking for work. The foreman hires all three. He has the Black man breaking the rock, the White man moving the rock out, and he puts the Chinese man in charge of the supplies.
So they get to work, with the Black man breaking the rock, and the White man moving the rock out.
At lunchtime, the Black man asks the White man, "Have you seen the Chinese man?" The White man replies, "Not since this morning." Lunch ends and they get back to work, with the Black man breaking the rock, and the White man moving the rock out.
They work until the evening and at quitting time make their way out of the mine. The White man asks the Black man, "Have you seen the Chinese man?" The Black man replies, "Not all day long."
Just when they get to the exit to mine, the Chinese jumps out of the shadows and yells, "Supplies!!!"
*I know it sounds kinda racist but they all are, aren't they?
2007-12-07 11:00:04 · answer #2 · answered by The Norm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Israeli settlers who colonized wallet of lands outdoors Israel, could survive of their own settlement, and that they could seem after their own spouse and little ones and their own mothers and dads. they at the instant are no longer electorate of valid Israel, yet are human beings from Settlements. purely people who've citizenship in accordance with international regulations can save their id as an Israeli. Others can not. Palestinians, 20%, who got here to Israel with out citizenship could first legally get citizenship from Israel. If no longer, they could bypass returned to Palestine, as international regulations tell.
2016-11-14 18:36:30 · answer #3 · answered by swett 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Great Cricket Captain of Pakistan Mr.Inzamam Ul Haque had a nice habit of saying " Inshallah, the boys worked very hard both inside and outside the field and that resulted into this" , whenever he was asked after a Victory in any Test Match by the Expert(s) the reason for the feat.
Once a message was sent for him through one of the Pak commentators that his wife gave birth to a healthy son.
After his Team won the Match , this was promptly informed to him by the Expert Commentator and Congratulated him. He`was equally prompt in replying saying "Inshallah, the boys ..............................................................." (the whole sentence).
2007-12-07 03:28:20 · answer #4 · answered by bikashroy9 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
A macho guy walks into a bar carrying an alligator.
He orders a bottle of beer and puts the alligator on the bar.
When the beer comes he hits the alligator over the head. the alligator opens its jaws wide. He pulls out his penis and lays it in the alligators mouth.
He calmly stands there drinking his beer.
Once done he pulls his penis back in, zips up then hits the alligator over the head again. The alligator closes his jaws.
He then says "Is anyone in here MAN enough to do that?"
From the back of the bar comes a wimpy guy voice saying:
"I will if you promise not to hit me so hard."
2007-12-07 03:23:55 · answer #5 · answered by Say_What? 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Here is a joke:
One day, a Chinese walked into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushed over to him, and asked for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gave him a slap and said, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get outta here".
The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gave Spielberg a slap and said, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship".
Shocked, Spielberg replied, "It was the iceberg that sank the
Ship, not me".
The Chinese replied, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same".
2007-12-07 03:02:15 · answer #6 · answered by Daisy 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Why did Sadam H.never have *** with his wife?
Every time she took off her cloths he saw Bush.
2007-12-07 03:12:08 · answer #7 · answered by RLD 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
i too was hoping to read some good ones.
2007-12-07 03:52:00 · answer #8 · answered by chin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u want a joke.......then I think I must say.."You look good!"
2007-12-07 03:15:13 · answer #9 · answered by shweta 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why is santas sack so big........ because he only cums once a year
2007-12-07 03:50:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋