My Dad and I haven't ever had too good of a relationship. When I was younger, he wasn't really around, and when he divorced my step-mom, he went to bars to get women and dates. He got girlfriends, and the one he is with now is 28 - I'm 19, and when he was drunk, he'd fight with her and beat her up. Once it got pretty bad and he broke the car's back windo with her head. That's not my problem though. This man is my father &he calls me a 'slut', says I 'spread my legs for my boyfriend', told me he reads my E-mails/IM's, and gets mad at me for wanting to be an art teacher. I'm in college right now, already doing things that will further my career, and he says it's not good enough and I should be going to school, not seeing my bf, &working a job. He wants me to pay electricity, the car bill, gas, and extra money for being there. He's also controlled time with my bf, saying I can't be with someone who works@Wal-Mart full time and won't be able to pay for the abortion when I get 'knocked up'.
2007-12-07 02:47:01 · 7 answers · asked by 111 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The other day, my brother folded his laundry - I do the same thing w/my dad'as clothes, &my Dad came very close to my door, told my bro to come 'here', and said 'I think of you every morning now, because you folded my socks. You're such a good son, give me a hug' . It's so stressfull, and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. When I told him what classes I chose for next semester, he asked me why I needed to see my boyfriend. He said I see him too much. If I were at home, I wouldn't be seeing my Father, I'd be playing games, homework, or sleeping. It's hard to go to school most of the week and maintain a job, because it's hard for me to focus. I'm honestly scared of him, and am too scared to leave. Already told him how I feel.. what do I do? How do I deal with him? Am I just overreacting?! It's seriously so stressfull, it makes my stomch pain and I get headaches now D:
2007-12-07 02:47:09 · update #1
Sweetie, your dad has some major problems and you are effected by them. Get to Alanon and learn how to deal with these problems. They will teach you how to reclaim your life in a way no one else can. I'm sure your dad loves you very much, it just sounds as if he is very sick and that you don't know how to deal with his sickness in a way that will protect your own life from him.
2007-12-07 02:52:53 · answer #1 · answered by wellbeing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh Honey!!!!!! I know EXACTLY how you feel!!!!! My Dad was/is the SAME!!!!!! (A f^ck!ng pr!ck!!!!!)
I left home when I was VERY young because I couldn't live my life "walking on eggshells"!!!! (EXACTLY as I felt and described it!!)
You are most certainly NOT "over-reacting" about your father!!! It's no wonder you have "stomach pain" and "headaches"!!!!! "Stress" like that can be 'debilitating! It wears a person down in every way!!! Slowly sucks your life and soul away...!
If you CAN leave, you SHOULD leave!!! I know you said you're "scared to leave" but 'fear' is something that can be overcome, whereas I highly doubt that he's going to 'change' (Dad)!
And you said he "wants you to pay bills" etc, you may as well be paying your OWN bills, etc!!! GET OUT OF THERE!!!!!!
Just think how nice it would be to NOT be STRESSED, EVERY MINUTE of EVERY DAY!!!! To NOT have to watch the clock, knowing he'll be back soon! And to NOT get that knot in your stomach every time you hear the door open and know he's coming through it! And never knowing if he'll be drunk or not, and whether it's a 'good drunk' or a 'bad drunk'... You wouldn't have to be 'careful' of what you send or receive in your e-mails! To NOT be constantly 'put down' and called names! Hell, you could run around in your underwear!!!! ;)
It's SO HARD to live that way!!! Just getting through a single day is an ordeal unto itself!! Everything seems so futile when NOTHING is EVER GOOD ENOUGH!!! Minute after minute is misery....it's SO UNHEALTHY, both physically AND mentally!!!! You just become 'drained'!!! Wouldn't it be nice to wake up in the morning WITHOUT "HIM"??!!?!!
I would suggest moving in with your boyfriend if you are CERTAIN it would work out....BUT, the last thing you need is ANOTHER CRISIS!!! (....if you were living together, broke up and had to find a new place to live, etc...)
You ARE, no doubt about it, living in an 'abusive' situation!!! He is clearly a VERY cruel and thoughtless man!!! Why don't you give a 'Women's Shelter' a call? (One for 'abused' women.) I'm sure they could help you out! -You could stay at a YMCA. (Hmm...I know...but you DO get your OWN room! And at least you wouldn't have to worry about 'bills'; AND you would have 'security', as opposed to being all alone in an apartment.) You can't continue on the way things are!!! Can you?
I think you're doing great things! Going to school AND working is a difficult task in the best of situations! And you have plans for your future too!! Keep it up! That's AWESOME!!!
Get out of there! Isn't it time to live YOUR life?? I mean really LIVE! With a 'clear' mind, free of the constant negativity!!! Your future is now! (I don't mean to sound 'corny'...!) Get out there and breathe it in!
P.S. -About you being "scared to leave", is that for fear of what your Dad may 'do'? Or fear of the unknown/uncertainty?
You could get a 'restraing order' against him....and the best cure for fear of the unknowns is information! Be informed and plan ahead!
Good luck and I wish you well!!!
2007-12-07 12:41:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you know what to do, your just scared to do it. You need to LEAVE be out on your own (I know that is pretty scary too but even if you get a room-mate. or if Your brother lives with you also (you didn't say how old he is) Since your going to school (college) part time look on bulletin boards to see if someone is looking for a room-mate. Your working part time. you really need to get out from under your controlling father. Sounds like he's jealous of your boyfriend and wanting you to be his boyfriend. Or if his girlfriend leaves he might take out his anger on you. So you need to get out of there and fast. Sounds like he treats all women badly. He shouldn't have your password to your e-mails. Get out NOW!!! Then when you get an established place to live go to the police and get a restraining order on your father for HOME, WORK AND SCHOOL! I will pray for your safety and that you and your brother get out of his house. you are in danger!
2007-12-07 11:52:02 · answer #3 · answered by jennajade 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pretty simple...get out. You are in school now, get out on your own. What is the worst thing that is going to happen to you, your dad comes and kicks your a ss. Oh well, you will heal and he will be arrested. You will be fine. There are grants and other thigns to help you, you just have to do the work to find them. Just make sure you move out when he is not around (at work or whatever).
2007-12-07 10:53:49 · answer #4 · answered by Lookin-2-Talk 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How did he take it when you told him how you feel? You are 19, you know what you want to do, if you are scared of doing it, just think of it as a new life, I know its hard, and that its a tough choice, however, it is your life we are talking about, not his. If you feel you have to go, then go for it. However, tell him that you are leaving, or at least a letter, just dont escape.
2007-12-07 10:54:49 · answer #5 · answered by kentttss 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt pay a dime on that asshole!!! I think you really need to find another place to live. He brings you down all of the time and sooner or later you will get severe depression and that sucks. He will appreciate you sooner or later......hopefully.
But really hun....you really need to get out of that situtation before he really hurts you.
My father did the exact same thing to me so i finally got out
2007-12-07 10:54:38 · answer #6 · answered by Jess 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you living with this abusive controling drunk? You need to keep him at arms length. He can't be reading your emails unless you let him have access.
2007-12-07 10:51:37 · answer #7 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋