Why "when you are married"?

Question

There are a lot of questions that ask "what is a good age to start having kids?" And more than half the answers are, or start with "when you are married."

Do you think it makes your relationship more stable? Do you think it means you are less likely to separate? Do you think people cant commit to each other if they didn't promise it at a church?

Marriage does not commit two people. It's just a promise, that statistically will be broken. ...... then will cost a lot of money.

Just curious, why people think marriage = responsibility?

**been with boyfriend (father of my kids) for 9 years, not married**

You might think it's better financially, but what if your husband gets sued or something? they'll take YOUR money and possessions if he cant pay

Answer 1

I am so with you! I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and before that we were together for another 2 and we have 1 beautiful daughter and 1 on the way and of coarse we have talked about getting married but are not. It is the right thing to do by a religious stand point (which I am religious) but we are more committed than probably half the people that are married. We have not gotten married because we are concentrated on our child and the one on the way. After everything settles down and WE are ready then we will but until then I don't need a ring to tell me that my man loves me!!

Answer 2

1) YES Being married is more 'stable'. It's much easier for people to 'give up' on a relationship and walk away quick if there's no legal binding between you. When you are married (which isn't always in a church btw), you have a legal bond together.

2) Marriage is a legal bond by the state you are in - it doesn't matter if it was at a church or in your back yard - you get a license from the state. I think people are more serious about building a life together if they have taken this step - you make everything you have 50/50 - you are sharing everything. If you're just living together, your stuff isn't half your partners - you're still separate entities. Where's the bond in that?

3) Marriage IS a commitment. I'm sorry you think so little of it. People who take this step are making a big commitment to the other person and this shows responsibility. Anyone can just live together and share the same living space - it doesn't compare to the commitment of marriage at all.

Answer 3

I used to think that I HAD to get married period! I definitely thought that marriage was a must if I was going to have kids. I just assumed it meant more security. Then I met a co-worker, became friends with her and learned her tragic story of marriage and kids ...

She got married and was gloriously happy and had a baby a year later. Her husband wasn't thrilled about fatherhood once the baby was there. She really wanted more kids, and she ended up getting pregnant a little over a year after her first baby. When she was 7 months pregnant with #2 and had a 2 year old running about she came home from work to find the house cleared out of all the furniture and a note from hubby that said "I never really loved you" in the kitchen! Divorce followed immediately afterward. The good news is she found a new man, he also has two kids from another marriage and they have since gotten married. He has his own business and can support her family fully. So now she can be a stay at home Mom and she has never been happier.

So I have learned that marriage does not mean forever. Just because you get married doesn't mean there isn't a divorce around the corner. There really is no guarantee. Love who you love! You don't have to marry them!

Answer 4

This thinking is fine as long as you/your kids stay in the states, because everywhere else in the world kids born out of wedlock are considered bastards and less than those born under the guidelines of religous convictions.

Marriage means commitment. A PROMISE IS A COMMITMENT. The broken promise you speak of happens way more to those that DON'T marry than it does to those that do. Check out those statistics! They are probably immeasureable. You know how many fatherless children there are out there, that tax payers have to foot the tab for? As far as the money thing goes...you pay for the kids wheither you stay together or not. It's not the marriage that causes the money issues its the corruptable laws in the country you live in. Not to mention malice and immaturity on the parts of the concerned parties. You find this in people... has nothing to do with whether they are married or not.

Women that are married first have a better chance of being cared for if the relationship does go south.Those that do marry are acting mature and morally responsible to their children. You must consider your childrens lives and what they will be faced with when they grow up. I have a sister that was born out of wedlock and she is having a hard time getting married to the men she wants plus it is an embarrassment everytime someone brings the subject up. Teaching your children to think liberally just teaches them to be angry because the marital system was established by GOD (not this monogamy thing practised now) but adults committing to raise families together. It will never go away!

God never said marriages have to last forever anyway. Its great if they do but legitmizing and being financially accountable to the children is the point.

Answer 5

Even if many marriage promises are broken, it is still a more tangible proof of commitment than anything else society has come up with. Marriage isn't about a piece of paper or a church spectacle. It's about the commitment between two people to be together for life. Some people have that who are not married and some who are married have never really made that commitment.

But for sure if you are going to bring children into the world who really need two parents committed to their care for at least 18 years, the parents should be committed to each other as much as possible and like it or not, more married people stay together than single couples. It's just that much easier to walk away without it. Children deserve to come into this world under the best possible circumstances. Life is unpredictable enough as it is...

Answer 6

I think the reason it's said so often is because the question is often asked by teenagers. And adults want to convey to them that having kids is as big a decision as getting married. It puts it into context for them.
I am married and we have a daughter now, but I wouldn't advocate marriage for the wrong reasons, like being pregnant. If you want to get married and happen to be pregnant, then ok.
Marriage does not commit two people. People commit to each other. But that's the problem with society these days. People DON'T commit. Love is just a feeling and if you fall out of love, just go find someone else!
I believe that marriage was designed perfectly, but we as people mess it up. We're good at messing things up!

Answer 7

Marriage does not gaurantee anything, like some people tend to think. Yeah for some reason people keep telling others that it's easier to "break up" then it is to "divorce" when actually it is very easy to divorce nowadays. I have seen plenty of people who are married and they still seem very irresponsible, and I think there are plenty of married couples who should not have had kids. Same with people who are not married. To me marriage is like you say, apromise, and sometimes people do need that promise or would like that promise... I'm one of them. We got married, but that doesn't mean I think everyone should get married. Marriage is not for everyone, and in the end its all about religion and not everyone shares the same religious values and opinions. It doesn't matter to me as long as a child has a loving home, and loving/supportive parents, and thats with marriage or not.

Answer 8

marriage is a resposibility a committment u make before GOD and man ,, its not just a piece of paper either u can arbitraily dispose of as u pointed out and are correct too. no when u just shack up so to speak, live together its with no agreements and that when one gets tired or bored u can move on with no strings attached,,
in todays world it is still not so u can file suit and get palimony m child support and in many states if u stay with someone a certain amount of time its called a marriage anyway its common law mariage .. / i am engaged to be married for the second time yes for my first wife decided n not me she wanted to be free from the responsibility of a marriage it is too hard, , my first wife left in 96 we had no children and i have had no previous children or affairs before this or after. im 56 yrs old now and i have made a future betrothal to a woman that has already 4 children . i commited also funds so that her children could complete college also. what is in it for me then ??
nothing! my fiance who now resides in the philippines will prayefully be with me here sometime early next year and her adult children will continue their studies and graduate their,, . I personally may never see any of them face to face but i made a commitment anyway . LOVE makes commitments and it is seen.. bro , murray

Answer 9

For a lot of us, marriage does equal commitment. When I hear of a couple that chooses not to marry, but are living as a married couple, I assume that they figure at some point it won't work out and they won't have to bother with divorce. Unfortunately today, most marriages do end in divorce because couples aren't willing to work at their relationships. I'm sure a lot of divorced people will disagree with me, and I do know that sometimes marriages are just wrong for the people involved and noone should stay if that's the case. But what's wrong with promising to be with that person forever...and then work to keep it that way? I don't think marriage equals responsibility though. If it did, then more thought would be put into getting married in the 1st place and more effort would be put into staying that way and divorce rates wouldn't be so darn high.

Answer 10

I dont know why people think the way they do... But My husband and I got married on our 5 year anniversary of dating. On our 1 year anniversary we found out we were having our first baby.... and 2 after that and we are done. My cosuins were together over 20 years before they decided to get married. Do it whatever way you feel happy with. Merry Christmas!

My hubby and I got together in 95, I was 16 then got married in 2000, i was 21.