What do you feel constitutes child abuse?

Question

I'm not talking about the legal definition; I mean your personal feelings. For example: I was an abused child and I am against corporal punishment. Unfortunately though, once in a while I gave my children a swift swat on the behind when I needed them to calm down and listen. Looking back on it, I wish I had acted differently rather than resorting to hitting. I know that some people believe in corporal punishment; and I don't believe that this makes them bad parents or bad people. I know that they love their kids as much as I love mine. I'm just saying that for me, this was wrong.

Also, I used to know a woman who never hit her kids but would scream obscenities at her kids, calling them names and calling them stupid. I felt then and I feel now that this is abuse.

Your thoughts?

Deathbymonkeys69: I have read A Child Called It. You're right--it did make me cry.

Answer 1

Very thought provoking question I must say and I've sat here for a few minutes trying to figure out how to answer this. As a child, I was abused mentally, physically and emotionally. There is no reason to go into details but I must say when I became old enough to move out on my own, I was an angry, hurt young adult who had a chip on my shoulder and a skewed view of the world. One thing that always stuck with is when i have children, I would NEVER put my child(ren) through the same torment.

Though I don't have any children of my own yet, I do have several nephews and a niece I have looked after. Sometimes I would have to really work hard at not repeating the cycle. It's definitely a work in progress and gets better as I get older. I think subconsciously thats why I've waited to have children.

With all that being said, I don't really think spanking is a bad thing, if done right. When all other options are used without success, sometimes a swat on the but is appropriate. When done out of anger, thats where things get bad.

Also, screaming and yelling at a child, calling them stupid or any other derogatory (sp?) name, is just as bad. I know there are some things that my parents said to me years ago that still stick w/ me to this day.

Answer 2

I don't have kids, nor do I want them for a good 5-10 years. However, I do have three dogs, one of which is attatched to my hip. If you think about it, dogs are just like people, excluding the unconditional love. I can scream at him, hit him, whatever for him to "listen."This will only make him fear me, just like a child would be terrified of their parent. I would never do that though. Besides the fact that he doesn't misbehave, if he did, he would understand what i was saying just by the tone in my voice. Humans on the other hand are amazing. Obviously your child knows what you are saying to them. You can tell them what they are doing inapproprately in a calm stern way without ever screaming or resorting to physical violence. Calling your child names I would think would be worse than actually being spanked. Ive never been abused by a parent, but if I was I think I rather be spanked then abused emotionally and verbally. Seems like the sting of the spank would fade faster than the damaged soul. Also, i have a friend whos mom said things like "why are you so stupid?" to her all the time while we were growing up. To make it worse, her mother is a social worker. They are both neurotic messes.

Answer 3

there are times that a spanking is the best way. for example, if they try to touch some thing hot. or go in a cabinet that has poisons in it. or if they bite another person or kid. then there are times that spanking doesn't help at all. then you take away some thing that they really like. verbal abuse is the worst. i know a guy that says stop it or i will spank you. but the child kept on doing it. this happened in my house. so when the child was in the room i was in and we where alone, i sat him on my lap and talked to him. i told him that if he doesn't stop i was going to put him in the wash room to stay until he left to go home. the child didn't listen so i put him in wash room. the dad was so involved in the football game that he didn't notice what i did. the child cried and kicked so hard that it knocked the detergent on the floor. the dad still did not care. i finally let the child out when he stopped screaming. after that i had no more problems with the kid. now every time he comes over he doesn't do any thing but behave. he knows i meant what i said.

Answer 4

i think the yellling and verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse and is often overlooked. it can scar people for life especially when parents do it because they are supposed to be supportive and caring. i think abuse stems more from the motivation of the abuser even if the abuse is minor. For example, if you give your children reasonable corporal punishment but for the wrong reason, then that is abuse because it engenders counterproductive social habituation. so, it has a lot to do with the message you are sending. My definition would make it hard to prosecute, but i think it is more comprehensive than the simple definition given by the legal code.

Answer 5

A swat on the butt is NOT child abuse. You can't do it hard, though, and let your anger take over your logic. All these liberal parent's out there are going with the new fad and not spanking their children... they are raising little brats that grow up with no morals or self control. However, there DOES come a point... the child reaches a certain point, where smacking just makes the kid lose respect for the parent... you have to know when the cut-off is.

Answer 6

I, too was abused as a child. I was set on never hitting my kids what so ever! Then I had my daughter !! lol She is a terror at times! She is 2 (Yes, terrible 2s) I don't hit her when I'm mad or repeatedly. Like if she is doing something, I will verbally tell her no up to three times. If she still doesn't listen, I will either smack her hands or her butt. (She wears a diaper, but she gets the point.) I don't hit her to where she cries or anything. But she knows it means she's doing something wrong and she stops. Usually I only have to correct her once. And yes, I have tried time out and every other thing. But think of it as training. If you don't do it now and you treat them like friends they will act that way when they are teenagers. I know everyone wants to be the cool mom or dad, but how cool is it when they are out of control teenagers? And I'm 21, I'm just enforcing what I wish someone had done with me. My daughter loves me and we have a great bond. She is spoiled, just not spoiled rotten :)

Answer 7

Abuse = you treat your children differently than adults. In other words, would you emotionally abandon a friend? Spank your mother? Scream obscenities at your boss?

You should always be a good role model and educator, but treat your children with dignity and respect. Children learn best by example. I'm not suggesting permissiveness, just that parents should control their reactions to control their kids.

Just ask yourself, "would I want my children to do parent my adorable grandchildren this way?"

Answer 8

There are different forms of abuse and each is equally damaging to a child. There is emotional, physical, sexual and spiritual. Anytime when a parent is disciplining in anger - that's abusive. Name calling crosses the line and so does cursing. Touching a child in a way that arouses your sexual being is abuse and so is speaking to them in a provocative way. A person who squelches a young child's faith also commits abuse. A child who tells mommy that God created the world and is told that certainly isn't true - is being abusive and not allowing that child to think for his or herself on a spiritual level. Proper discipline is based on consequences and priveledges. Some parents use spanking as a consequence but they do not do this in anger and they do not leave behind physical marks. All of the adults I know who have been disciplined this way - are morally astute, successfull and emotionally healthy people. There is a way to successfully use spanking but not everyone can use it because not everyone can control their temper or not use it to the extreme - those people use behavior management techniques such as those taught by Dr. Phelan in his 1,2,3 Magic approach. Whether to spank or not to spank - it's not as black and white as people say it is. All physical discipline is not abusive - just like all enjoyment of food is not gluttony. You could write a novel just on what constitutes abuse! Not providing any discipline for a child is also just as negative a form of abuse. Not providing food, clothing, shelter - the list could go on.......

Answer 9

Any parent who puts themselves, their emotions and feelings, and their desires before those of their children is abusive, in my book.

We all have those moments, but iam talking about people who make a practice of it.

I saw a woman in walmart once, I seroiusly wanted to punch her in the face. She had two girls, under ten, and they were walking beside her trying to push this huge car while she shopped. THe whole time she yelled at them "DONT DO THAT< WATCH OUT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, DONT BE STUPID" and she looked at the other shoppers like "can you believe iam stuck with these idiots?" and she walked around saying "iam so sorry for them, excuse us." She shoving them around and yelling. IT wasnt bad words, but it was bad. I seriously wanted to hit her.

I nannied for a local woman who was the step mother to two of the most precious boys Ive ever known. THeir mother died when they were toddlers, and she had two grown boys of her own. She ALWAYS treats them like theyre a bother, and CONSTANTLY talks about how horrible tey are, how hard she has it, how hard she works with them. THe worst thing she does is CONSTANTLY say things like "ive already got two grown kids, do you know ANYONE who would do this again?" like she's some freaking saint. It breaks my heart for them. Its really REALLY effecting their development. The oldest is in danger of a ruined life with a record because of it.

There are so many people like that out there. They might not hit their kids, curse them out, neglect them, but they wrong them just the same. Ruin their development.

Anyone who breaks the heart of a child is abusive.

Answer 10

I feel that anything that makes the child feel bad about themselves is a form of abuse. Emotional abuse can be JUST as damaging as any physical abuse.