He doesn't work, he drives her car why she's in college. He has nothing lives with his parents at 21. Has no diploma, my daughter is being conned. Her Dad is a Vet. so school is her chance to make something of herself. But this idiot, has control of my once level headed girl. She cannot be this stupid can she? Her whole life is giving to this idiot. He will be 21 soon, and hopefully he can find someone with lots of money to take her place. Anyone have words of wisdom I can say to her? Or a good threat to get rid of him? Any advice will be considered.
2007-12-07 01:58:09 · 30 answers · asked by itsmetrea 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
he turns 21 like this week.
2007-12-07 01:59:07 · update #1
Sadly, there's little you can do without making your daughter feel like you're the enemy. If you threaten him in any way, it will only serve to bring them closer together. Have you already spoken of your disapproval?
Invite them both to dinner, and discuss with an OPEN MIND what they both have planned for the future. Find out what makes them so attracted to each other. This will enlighten you as to the depth of their relationship, it might also enlighten your daughter as to whether or not this guy is really the loser he seems to be.
Also, if he's about to turn 21, he's sure to start going to 21+ places. Patience, if he is without morals and motivation, he will hang himself. And because you "seemed" supportive, your daughter will come crying to you, wishing she had listened to you to begin with.
2007-12-07 02:15:28 · answer #1 · answered by Lexpressive 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh wow! You poor soul, what a horrible situation. I really feel for you, but I'm afraid I'm going to give you some advice you may not like, but so far you've done everything wrong. (1) you daughter is 14. She's a child, she's in deep trouble and she needs her mum. Yelling at her won't change the situation, and damaging your relationship with her is going to make it so much harder to deal with what's happening. Take a deep breath, then go and tell your daughter that you love her unconditionally and you'll support her as best you can. (2) Once you're in a position where you can have a calm, loving discussion with your daughter, sit her down and talk her through the practicalities of having a baby. Does she really want to give up school? Does she really want to be dependent on this guy for the rest of her life? Talk about options - abortion, adoption. Can you let her live at home and continue her education? (Seriously, threatening to boot her out to work was just stupid - you're PUSHING her into the boyfriend's arms) (3) Simply ignore the boyfriend issue for the time being. Work on what her options are BEFORE she's old enough to get married. Try, as discretely as possible, to keep them apart though. What's he's done is illegal in most places, and is frankly a bit creepy (don't say this to your daughter - she thinks she's in love with him). Try to get her out from under his influence as gently as possible. The next few months are going to be extremely taxing. Try to stay calm. Try to get support from other people. Most of all, try to remember that she's a scared kid and it would be a miracle if she wasn't making bad decisions right now. Good luck to you all.
2016-05-22 00:08:00 · answer #2 · answered by nydia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can ask her questions about her and his long term goals. But she is now an adult now and will have to make her own decisions. She may learn a valuable life lesson if/when things go bad. A little pain now at 18 is much easier to deal with then choosing the wrong man at age 30. Is the car her's or yours? You can take the car away if he is driving the car which you own/insure.
2007-12-07 02:00:51 · answer #3 · answered by Thundercat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
being a mom that has this problem too, is very hard. i have tried so hard for my son to leave the woman that he is with. he says that he loves her. i have gotten him mad at me a lot of times. i even set him up with another girl. that didn't work. so now i just shut my mouth. he will have to learn that she is no good on his own. i don't help them out when he asks for money. they will have to do things on their own. i married a con for 14 years until i wised up. had a hard time of getting rid of him. my mom and dad told me that he was no good. i did not listen. now i see that mom is a lot smarter than me. you just have to let her figure out that the man is no good. then open your arms and let her back in. if the car is in your name take it away. then he will have to find his own way around town. let your daughter know that you do not like him and if she stays with him that you will not help her in any way. if she still goes to school then she is still doing the right thing by making a life for her self. you can be proud for her on that part. she will know one day that you are right and she was wrong
2007-12-07 02:13:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The answer depends on your relationship with your daughter. Many young girls seek 'rebels' becasue they find it 'exciting' - but these guys are losers, parasites.
The thing is, your daughter does not FEEL she is being conned, she FEELS EXCITED at the attention she is receiving.
NO AMOUNT of 'logic' will persuade her. You have to find something that will get her MORE EXCITED than passing time with this guy.
Have you investigated this thoroughly? Have you spoken to him? Have you given him a chance to speak for himself?
Perhaps he is going through a rough patch and your daughter is the only person who has decided to help him?
Before you do anything to ruin the relationship with your daughter - find out as much as you can. Investigate the situation thoroughly.
Our children come through us, but they do not belong to us. The best we can do is build them and make them strong - ask your daughter what her intentions are and try to be non judgemental.
LOVE her more, DO more with her, introduce her to other more level headed young men.
Do not threaten him, your daughters feelings will reject that and you will not only have a wayward daughter, but a rebel on your hands.
2007-12-07 02:11:22 · answer #5 · answered by the_metaphysician2001 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mom, I'm sorry for what you are having to deal with. If you daughter is "in love" with this man there is not much you can do. I'm not saying you have to accept him, but you could try by not judging him Matthew7:1-5. Invite both to dinner and give it a chance because if you keep resenting this you daughter might rebel towards your feels if she hasn't already. pray Read Proverbs 3:5-6 .
2007-12-07 02:32:38 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs. 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay when I was 17 i dated a guy my parents didnt like and he was a loser too....but of course I knew better right? They told me all the time how sorry he was and that he was turning me against them...now keep this in mind..I was a very strong willed independant person..didnt take anything from anyone..always respectful and minded my parents...but this guy had total control of my mind...he told me what to wear,what to drink, the makeup i could wear...the only thing that got thru to me was when my mom passed away and god opened my eyes to the kind of person he really was...i dumped him and got on with my life but until then no one could tell me anything...so my what im telling you is dont push her away by telling her how bad he is just be there for her..and pray...it will come around to be okay..
2007-12-07 02:12:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being around is always good- and letting her know how you feel about her boyfriend is good. Just don't pressure.
You could say something like "I don't approve of your boyfriend, but he's your choice, and I respect that. I just telling you this because I love you." Something like that.
There's a saying - "the truth hurts". Don't be afraid to tell your daughter how you feel (that's why we have loved ones- to give us that loving slap across the head when we do something stupid) but don't pressure. Don't force your will- just talk.
Hope that helps.
2007-12-07 02:04:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I can tell you this, the more you fight it the more she will want to do it. So, you have to let her figure it out for herself. You can make comments like have fun with your idiot boyfriend, or good luck with your future. On the other hand, if you paying for any part of the vehicle like insurance, you should take that away cause your not paying for him to drive it. You must change your relationship with her to one that doesn't approve, bet lets her do it. Make sure she isn't doing drugs, cause most guys like you described are involved.
2007-12-07 02:12:07 · answer #9 · answered by Chris 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i do not know some good advice but my friend don is like that... he is in prison now for something but b4 that he has never done nething is turning 21 in 3 months or 4 months and has nothing but a mass load of felonys and good mooching skills, he lived wit me for like 2 months.
i dont know what to say... that sux though
sry not much help with a answer..... just thought i would share my story iguess
2007-12-07 02:02:07 · answer #10 · answered by jamaljenkens 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋