my finace thinks we shouldn't have any centerpieces at the wedding Mind you the centerpieces I have started putting together only cost 5 dollars
as well my finace thinks we shouldn't have any bridal party
I only have two people I want to stand up for me. and he can find two people to stand in for him
he was married before and had a big wedding I have never been married before.
we are not having a big wedding only about 50 guest. and no honeymoon.
He hates the wedding colors
tiffany blue, white , silver , and crystal .
I have not asked anyone to help me with putting anything together. I have done it all myself.
I am just frustrated with all of this,
am I being hard headed about the wedding , or is he being abnormal about it.
2007-12-07 00:52:07 · 29 answers · asked by la de da 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
he said he has been to plenty of wedding where there hasn't been any centerpieces, I say B.S. I never have i tried talking to him last night but it turned into a fight.
2007-12-07 00:56:51 · update #1
he wanted to go to vegas So i used that as our budget for a home wedding, because vegas seems to cheapen marriage. I found a venue for 500, cake is free, food and open bar 1800, 12 ccenterpieces at 5 dollars each, my dress is 140, and spending the night at the B&B is 230 a night
2007-12-07 01:01:59 · update #2
Breathe, calm down. Do not let this get to you. You seem frustrated. Count to ten.... one, two..
You are doing fine and I commend you for how great you have distributed your budget.
Secondly, men are not into decorating, color schemes and dresses. Please, do not take this personally, he's just a man and if he's an average guy, guys do not care about flowers or shoes. I suggest you find the help of your girlfriends instead. He's not being uninterested, he's just being a man.
Another thing to take into consideration, is that he has been married before and he knows for experience how quickly things can get expensive and out of hand. I realize that this is not just fault and that your feel offended by his comments, but actually some of his advise seems sensible to me. A smaller scale wedding is way more fun, more personal and meaningful. The best weddings that I've attended have been smaller ones.
Make your wedding fun amd romantic and fun. This is about your love and not the fact that he has been married before. Second weddings are traditionally smaller and is propper etiquette to downscale things a bit. Yes, it sucks, but having a large wedding party and have all the bells and whistles is not appropiate the second time around. Maybe he doesn't want to go through all that hassle and wants something smaller and more romantic.
The wedding that you describe sounds WONDERFUL! Your colors sound great and you have done a grat job. Do not get discouraged, this is normal wedding planning frustration. Be happy!! You are doing great. Get centerpieces if you want them and do not ask for his opinion... would you ask a man's opinion on a flower arrangement on any other ocassion?
Good luck and congratulations
2007-12-07 01:51:01 · answer #1 · answered by Blunt 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is being bullheaded. Let him know that this is your first wedding and it's every girls' dream so you should do what makes you happy, especially since he's already been married once before.
The next time he tells you that he doesn't like something, tell him that rather than just criticize your ideas, suggest new ones. If he doesn't have a better idea, then tell him to keep his mouth shut.
And because he is a guy, I doubt he even took notice to centerpieces at other weddings, that's why he thinks there were none to being with.
And like someone mentioned, maybe there's a deeper issue here. Try talking to him about what's really bothering him. Maybe it's cold feet about marrying again. He may be thinking it will just be another failed marriage in the end and that's why he doesn't want a big to-do. If he's got that mindset- he shouldn't be getting married at all. Maybe pre-marriage counseling will help you. Good luck.
2007-12-07 01:20:54 · answer #2 · answered by sugar sweet 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Well, why exactly are you guys discussing it? I mean most men don't care to have too much input in the wedding planning. Perhaps what he is really complaining about is the loss of your time and the fact that he misses the person you were before he asked you to marry. Try to maintain a date night, when you go out together and for the entire evening do not discuss ANYTHING related to the wedding.
As far as no centerpieces, don't fight. Just laugh at him and pat his arm and say something like "Such a man--and that's why I love you" and go about doing it. If he doesn't want to ask two groomsmen, say something like "I really wish you would. It's going to look funny if I have 2 bridesmaids and you don't have anyone--but have it your way." Mine hadn't asked his until about 4 months before the wedding when I was about to do it myself! If he tries to turn it around and say he wishes you didn't have bridesmaids, just tsk tsk and explain to him that the bridesmaids are your responsibility, groomsmen are his. He doesn't get a say--and honestly normally the groom doesn't get a say. The mother of the bride says a lot but the groom doesn't get to pick which friends of yours are bridesmaids.
Most men hate the wedding colors. Most wedding colors are girlie. That being said, many men cannot visualize what you are talking about until they see it on the wedding day. He thinks he'll be walking into a huge aqua and crystal bubble.
You are keeping it entirely within the budget HE set forth. You are doing it all yourself. So keep it to yourself. Stop discussing everything with him. Remember he is a man first off (so really doesn't care or notice these things) and he has gone through all this before (which means he cares even less). Why don't you encourage a few guys nights on nights that you know you will be completely focused on wedding stuff and save your conversations with him about important things? Like your life together forever.
A fun activity to do is pick up Monica Mendez Leahy's 1001 Questions to Ask Before you get Married, or Sylvanus Milne Duvall's Before you Marry, 101 Questions. Go through those together as a couple. I promise you will learn things you never thought to ask a significant other. Leads to interesting conversations and no more wedding day fights.
2007-12-07 01:58:09 · answer #3 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Sounds like he is being a poophead. What is his problem? If he did not like your ideas--shouldnt he have mentioned it before now. I think you should do it the way you want, it is your first and hopefully only wedding, he needs to be more understanding about your wants. My wedding was very small also (great), but my husband just let me do what I wanted because he did not care about flowers or centerpieces. He just cared about what food we were having at the reception. Talk to your fiancee and let him know this is a big moment for you and he needs to get whatever is stuck in his rear out and let you plan a nice wedding. The colors sound really pretty. With no honeymoon, you need to enjoy the wedding and make it to your desires.
2007-12-07 00:58:34 · answer #4 · answered by pupgirl 6 · 7⤊ 0⤋
Oh no. Sounds frustrating.
He is probably like that because he has already been through it. However you should still have the wedding you wanted, especially as it is your first. I don't think you are being hard headed.
Ask for his input, but explain to him why the wedding being a certain way is important to you. Hopefully he will listen.
As for the no centrpiece thing, I bet they were there, it's just not really a thing that a guy notices or remembers hence why he didn't think there were any.
2007-12-07 03:04:53 · answer #5 · answered by Stiffler 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You DON'T need centerpieces. I don't even remember what past weddings centerpieces were, neither will your guests.
You can have someone stand up with you on your day. If he does not want anyone to stand with him, then that is his decision. There can be an uneven party.
Find wedding colors you BOTH like, its HIS DAY TOO!
You need to compromise and it doesn't sound like its happening.
I see a very hard relationship ahead for both of you if you cannot compromise.
2007-12-07 13:25:43 · answer #6 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is acting strangely, but I doubt it has anything to do with the wedding colors, etc. No matter if the wedding is big or small, it causes stress for both parties. I have seen a lot of grooms and how they cope (or don't cope) with wedding stresses, and it is usually very confusing to their brides-to-be.
I would suggest the next time he 'has an issue' with something wedding related you ask him if there is anything stressing him out, if he's nervous and apprehensive.
Even though he has had a big wedding before, you still deserve yours. Let him know that. Tell him gently but firmly that your wedding day is important to you- just as much as your getting married to him. Tell him you would like to have some special memories too. He should understand this.
2007-12-07 01:00:38 · answer #7 · answered by sevenscarabs 2 · 7⤊ 0⤋
I am in a similar position - my first and his second. As long as you know he wants to do it I wouldn't worry. My partner told me to just tell him the date and place and he would be there, but he has no interest in the plans etc. He knows it is important to me so is happy for me to do whatever i like. He has only had a say in things such as our bridal waltz song and his side of the guest list.
I know it can be a little disheartening, but I really do believe the wedding and reception is a girls dream rather than the guy so maybe give him a little break about his lack of interest. But don't let him be mean about it either - make sure he accepts it is important to you.
Does that help at all?
2007-12-07 00:59:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
That is a bummer that the two of you are not on the same page. I do not see the harm in having centerpieces, especially if they are only $5 each. Talk to him about it and try to find a middle ground.
2007-12-07 01:56:19 · answer #9 · answered by vaya 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi. Seems like the groom wanted Vegas, so he is trying to make your plans sound dismal....which they are NOT!!
Gee...most grooms go with the flow and just show up. I can see why you are frustrated. I don't think it has anything to do with "colors", etc. He is just being stubborn. You two need to sit down nd talk. He is being unreasonable. You have made the plans for a very nice, intimate wedding, with a great budget! You need to remind him that this is your FIRST wedding!
I just LOVE small weddings myself and yours sounds absolutely lovely!
Good luck!
2007-12-07 15:39:13 · answer #10 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋