I entered a quetion earlier about a discpline issue I have with my childs stepdad.?

Question

The child is eight years old and I divorced his Biological father two years ago.Like I said earlier he was abused by his real dad and the man I am currently married to thinks that if you belittle a child it will make him feel bad about what he does and he will change.He has spanked him across his back but he has since then admitted he was wrong and stopped doing that. I felt like he was being abusive by spanking my child that way.He still spanks him and so far he hasn't lost his temper.But I am still weary about letting him discipline my child should I forget about the past or stand over him like a guard dog?

Answer 1

He has an abusive personality - that is not his biological child so maybe it is worse - he has no right to humiliate your child. Your son only has you - you need to put your feelings aside and ask yourself how important is it for your child to grow up feeling loved.

Answer 2

This is a serious question. I believe a child has a rump that can be uses. If this child has been abused I would suggest that you and your husband,sit him down and explain that if he is punished why he is being punished and that he will get his back end spanked, He should never hit across the back, face or any other part of the body, and there is never any reason to go overboard. I believe that you and your husband have to set ground rules as to what you agree is permissible and what isn't, and never do anything other wise. It is also important that if your husband has truly taken your child as his own , that your child understands he must listen to him as he does you, and treat him with all respect that he does you. If needed get him counseling. I know it's costly and it may involve the family, And belittling will only create more problems for him in life later. That's wrong! Yes means yes, and No means No, backed by an explanation before you punish him,and stick to it. When appropriate praise him and tell him how proud you are of him. If your husband is caught doing someting like he has been in the past, it's time to say enough and either get group help, or he has to leave. Sorry! you asked and that's how I see it. I also have step children that are grown now with mine, and can say i've been in this situation, but never belittled them nor mine. And we set ground rules, as to what was and wasn't allowed. I praise God they all treat my wife and I as their real father and mother. The proof is in the pudding so as to say. Good Luck hope this will be of some value. You have a very Merry Christmas filled with Happiness, Health, and wealth byond your wildest dreams. Remember to pray for our troops,and light a candle for those who can't be with us. Will keep you family in prayer and ask for wisdom from the Lord.

Answer 3

I don't know your whole situation but...I would not be letting anyone other then myself hit my child. I could see if you have been together for the child's whole life and he has raised him from birth...but, he hasn't and really he has not business putting his hands on your child. I would have a really big problem with this especially the spanking him on the back? What's that about? I could see a spanking on the butt, but the back? I think that you have already let this situation go way to far and you need to tell him that you do not feel comfortable with the way that he is disciplining your child. In my oppinion you should be the one disciplining the kid if s/he does somthing wrong. Not someone who hasn't know him for that long. That's like saying okay we moved here last year, the neighbors dad is allowed to hit you??? doesn't make to much sense in my oppinion?!

Answer 4

I would be cautious also. A mother's intuition is very strong. Talk to him about how you feel, and your child's past with "discipline." Now that he is getting older, talk about other means of discipline. Like taking away certain things he likes, or grounding, instead of the physical stuff. And if you don't feel comfortable with this man treating your son this way, STAND UP GIRL! Never choose a man's favor over your child! I know it's hard and ur probably like me....u tend to down-play a situation and make it "not-as-bad-as-it-seems." That could get you into a hole you don't want to be in! Don't let him belittle your child, because all that does is cause emotional distress. Talk about other ways he could make him see what he did wrong, like talking to him like an adult, with no raised voices. Yelling only worsens the situation. no yelling, no mind games.....this will make things alot less stressful for you too....he needs to respect your wishes in raising your son. Just talk to him. And if you are afraid to talk to him, maybe you should rethink this relationship...sorry if that sounds harsh, i just dont want u to be hurt

Answer 5

I would question why I was with a man who obviously has abused my child. Don't bother standing over him get rid of him before he loses it and you lose your child. Every day there's another mother in the paper saying she never thought her significant other would hurt her child. Well you know he will and has and can prevent anything from happening again. A mother should never let her need for a husband come before the safety of her child.

Answer 6

well first of all a spank is hand to BUTT contact, not hand to back, hand to leg, hand to face.. its the bum and only the bum. Its not abuse but really an 8 year old shouldnt be getting spanked anymore, i think he has reached to age to wear grounding and taking things of his value away will work alot better.... leave the past where it belongs, it will do no good to keep bringing it up. Stop spanking the 8 year old and use a different form of punishment, he is too old now to use that as punishment..... start grounding him.... you dont have to be a gaurd dog on this if you husband isnt an abuser... if he is a good parent, then let him exersize his right to be a good parent, make sure you stress the fact that NO ONE is going to belittle your child and get away with it....

Answer 7

Do you want the step dad to be dad? Does step dad love him like his own?

If those things are true I would trust him- HE didnt abuse your child. I do think its wrong to belittle a child, but a spanking when its needed, and when you're in control of your emotions can be one of the most effective forms of training a child up.

However, if you dont feel you can trust him, and he's not interested in being a dad to the boy then you cant trust him- he wouldnt have your sons best interest in mind.

Answer 8

Considering your sons history of physical abuse this kind of punishment is not going to help at all. It will teach your son that violence from a man to his children is OK.

A better strategy for dealing with discipline is needed, NOW!!!!!

If your current partner doesn't know about your sons past tell him and get him to stop. You do not want your son to equate the love of a father figure with violence.

Good luck

Answer 9

Your child is the MOST IMPORTANT thing in the world. Spouses can 'come and go' but your child will always be yours and it is your duty to ensure his safety. Do not allow this man to beat him. One thing is discipline and another is abuse. Please stop that for the sake of you both. You (or your spouse) can correct your child in a different way (time out, no TV, etc) and always show him love. That kid has already suffered enough

Answer 10

Screw that! You tell him that you don't want N E one touching your child like that especially if he has been previously abused! Me and my husband both had abusive fathers growing up and we have decided that we will never spank our kids! EVER! You ground them and take away things they love to punish them! Violence is not the answer! EVER! Especially with kids! Good luck with this one and don't be scared to tell him how you feel it is your child and what you say goes! and if he don't like it tell him to hit the road instead of hitting your boy! Protect your boy! He should be most important in your life!