I was recently married in august and the day after the wedding when we were leaving for our honey moon my husband's mom told him that she was very disappointed that he was going on our honeymoon than a family trip with her becuase there will be other times for me. now she says things like "oh honey i forget your married" or she will invite him places and make it a point not to ever include me. she tells him that he has lost a lot of weight and invites him over for meals because "someone needs to feed him" she asks us to please not have children and i have heard her tell my brother-in-law that i took her baby. I don't know what to do, how should i handle this? will it go away on its own?
2007-12-06 18:34:05 · 14 answers · asked by Shelby L 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
the hubby down plays everything and when i start talking about it he tells me to stop and "if my mom didn't like you she'd say something" a lot of times he just wont listen.
2007-12-06 18:47:49 · update #1
the weird thing is that she has two younger daughters so shouldn't her 4 year old be her baby?
2007-12-06 18:52:48 · update #2
i can't believe that someone would be so horrible as to suggest that i leave my husband, shame on you!
2007-12-06 19:59:42 · update #3
For what ever reason some mother's with sons need to act like there child is going off to war because they are getting married. Your husband ignores and doesn't deal with the issue. I can see how your feelings are being hurt as she is not being very nice nor welcoming you into the family.
Best advice I can give you is don't fight with your husband over his mother. No one wants to hear a spouse bad mouth there parents. The more you fight with him the more she wins. I would just ignore her and not listen to who she said what to about you. The family should be smart enough to cut her off when she starts to gossip, as if no one listened she would not continue her behavior. In addition your husband she let his mother know that she is to invite both of you not just him you are his wife not some girl he just met last week in a club.
After a while, your husband will get tired of hearing her complain about you and not want to hear her. She will have to back off as he will look to start to see her less and less.
2007-12-07 01:24:43 · answer #1 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she is very jealous and perhaps a bit lonely. What does your husband have to say about the situation? You need to have a very frank talk with him - he is going to have to take a stand and the sooner the better. If he becomes the rope in this tug of war, it will just put a strain on your marriage. He has to make it clear to her that you ARE his wife and that is not going to change. Also, as hard as it may be, you need to take the high road and not stoop to her level. Invite her to join you guys for dinner once in a while - and ask her to teach you how to prepare a few of his favorite dishes. If you can find it in your heart to reach out to her maybe she will realize that instead of losing her son she has gained a daughter! Good luck!!
2007-12-06 18:50:52 · answer #2 · answered by 99twinsmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first off if u guys can move far away from his parents thats the best thing ever....in laws can really mess up relationshipd. u should talk 2 ur hubby and tell him how hurt u are. go call ur in law and tell her if she cant respect u or be nice to you for her son she wont be welcome at ur house and will unfortunately have nothing 2 do eith ur kids if she doesnt stop. say she dont needa like u but if she loves her son and respects him shell respect you too.
seriously though ur husband shouldnt be taking this so lighty...he should be sticking up for u althiugh u cant tell him not to be cloe with his fam he should know on his own... good luck
in-laws can seriously damge and ruin a marriage
2007-12-06 20:58:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I want to say that probably the best way to handle her is to wait it out...meaning that accepting( your "Baby" is now grown and you have been replaced, "they don't need you anymore " etc..etc..) is so very hard for a mother, and scary...we're afraid we will be left out and forgotten in our child's life. If you just overlook most of the things when she realizes she will not be left out of his life it should be better, if not talc to her one on one and explain that you want to be close also and what she is saying and doing is hurting you. I think th worse thing you can do is to, have your husband speak with her, she is going to say and think you are trying to turn him against her, and push her out of your lives. Some of the things she has said is outrageous and not very nice, but it's also alright for your husband to see his mother without you occasionally but to not include you most of the time is wrong and if it continues you should definitely speak with her about that.The rest should go away on its own, with time and allot of patience ! lol
2007-12-06 21:27:24 · answer #4 · answered by mom23 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it won't go away on its own. You need to tell your husband how you feel. And then he needs to support you by not putting up with this disrespect of you. How does a mother "forget" her son is married, and why would he ever accept her excluding you. If he's going along with this, you need counseling now. You may need to keep her at arms length and actually move away. No mother wants to keep her grown son to herself instead of supporting his marriage and possible children. Something is wrong with this woman, and if he's going along with it, something is wrong with him.
2007-12-06 18:43:27 · answer #5 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has a problem letting go. If the husband will not listen to you go yourself for some counseling. marriages tend not to last if an in law is invasive and intruding and interferring all the time.
2007-12-06 19:43:48 · answer #6 · answered by Nora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you talked with your husband about this?
He should have a talk with her, If you do it will most likely only make things worse.
What she is doing probably won't stop in case your husband stands up to her, and refuses to do anything with her unless you are included.
2007-12-06 18:41:38 · answer #7 · answered by lovintnmomof3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to your husband about this and make a stand together before things get worse.Take care.It wont go away.You need to resolve this issue before you lose your marriage and sanity.
2007-12-06 18:59:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well sounds like ur man is cool with his mom disrespecting u, and down-playing the importance of ur marriage. time for u to find a new man, bc obviously its never going to get better until he acknowledges that this is a big problem AND that its your MIL's FAULT not urs! get over him, a mommy's boy is never cool to be married to, trust me, i'm married (but seperated from) one. its really good when a man loves and respects his mother, but not if its to his wife's detriment, and he refuses to see it, or if he does see it, he doesnt care, or is too chicken to do or say anything about it. yep, toss him to the curb!
2007-12-06 19:36:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
no sweetie she wont go away & she will probably get worse if mamma's little boy doesn't make a stand .I am married to a guy who still wont make a stand & I guess thats something you have to except but she needs to treat you with respect
2007-12-06 18:40:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋