friends and lovers is a song, but how do you do that in real life?

Question

I have been platonic friends with a man somewhat younger than I am for about 4 years. We have both had other relationships, now with the holidays coming ( my dad lives with me and does not approve of me having over night guests) we have been discussing changing this relationship. I know you are going to ask why my dad has anything to say about it, cause he has dementia/alzeheimer's and doesn't know when or how to be quiet. I want this man to come for the holidays as he is alone, but don't want to rush things. We both know 2 unmarried people of opposite sexes can sleep in the same bed with nothing going on but not sure that is what we want. How do we go from best platonic friends to a lot more? He says he wants to marry me,,, being a lot older I am concerned about the age difference which is over 14 yrs, Any 'older' adults got any suggestions? We aren't sure if it is love yet or not. He has a 9 yr old daughter that he wants to regain custody of and has to be married to get that.

the duaghter does not live with her moth er.. her mother hasn't seen her in years. i have no other room and he lives about 400 miles away so staying at his house is out of the question and so is another room. we are not children as i am almost 55 and he is older too.. anymore suggestions or idea would be greatly appreciated.. cause right now with the anniversary of my daughter's death looming i am sad (no she was not my only child i have others that lived and others that died).. bad time of year for me.. thanks in advance for your help

Answer 1

The age should not make too much of a difference since he must be over 25 to have a 9 year old. Friends make the best partners in life.

The idea that bothers me about this is that he may be wanting to get married only to regain custody of the child. Are you really prepared to raise his child, and to deal with the problems that will occur with the ex? It can be very stressful. From experience, I can tell you that I sometimes wondered if it was worth it.

Another thing is that girls usually have their dad wrapped around their fingers. Will he respect and stand by you when you have to reprimand or punish the child? There is just so much more, than how to get to the sexual part, that you need to be considering.

The sex part is easy, if you both desire each other.

Answer 2

Okay, first off like the old saying goes, "Age isn't anything but a number." If the two of you really like each other than go for it, but make sure that if and when you do take your friendship to the next level you have really talked things through. Make sure that if he has visitations rights with his daughter that she is warm to you, no one wants to get into a situation where there is a stepchild involved and they don't get along with one another. Next make sure he wants to marry you for you and not because he wants to regain custody of his daughter, if that's the case like I said before don't get into something that later on you're going to regret. My prayers go out to you. :)

Answer 3

You sound like a pretty level headed person who may be ready for real love, and I think you should invite your friend for the holidays. But to apease dad, manfriend should sleep in another room, not in yours. If the 2 of you want to sleep together w/wo sex, go to a motel, or to manfriend's house. Are you ready to be stepmom to his daughter? Does she currently live with her mom? Stepping in to raise another woman's child can be stressful for all involved. You say he wants to marry you, but you both aren't sure you are "in love". He wants to get custody of his daughter, but has to be married. Hmmmm. Can you see where I'm going with this thought? You are the "older woman" here, and sometimes younger men are looking for a "caregiver" relationship---you can take care of him, and his daughter. I'm guessing you have a good job, make pretty good money--how about him? Can he provide well enough for you and his child? There are things to give careful thought to before you become lovers for life. I am remembering this happened to a dear friend of mine. Her husband of 4 years left her for an older woman because she had money and could take care of him. Now he is after the custody of his kids.

Please weigh all of this carefully before you get emotionally and sexually involved with manfriend.

Answer 4

Sounds like you are getting into a big mess. Let him sort the daughter thing out before you get married. You're not leverage for his other family issues.

Answer 5

hi.....well life is like this we normally set up standards than we have to put all our plans aside for it.........well to be honest is does this man really loves u.........? coz he might jst want to marry u to get custody of his kid............u have to think abt this carefully coz this might not be a happy ending.....bt if this is true love and u believe that u can make this work than i recommend the two of u sud discuss ur future 2gther.........u sud also explain to dad that ur happy and inlove and that he sud stand by u through this...........yes two people can shre a bed 2gther without doing anything bt temptation is also part of life coz i mean u said ur not sure if that is what u want oppsites attract each other............bt there is something bothering me ur last quote u mentioned that ur not sure if its love or not...........u have to make time to think about it before u take this big step............make sure about ur feelings and his okay.................i wish u all the best.........

Answer 6

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Answer 7

Thats a heavy question. Follow your heart and you will be happy. Thats all i have.

Answer 8

happy