How can I deal with my mother's jelousy and putting me down?

Question

I love my mother, but I know that there is something wrong.. First off she's never happy, and she's always putting someone or something down. She left my father when I was seven, after having an affair on him for about two years and married the man that she cheated on my father with. He is a very good step dad to me, and always has been. I know my mom hasn't had the easiest life, her parents were alcoholics (but never beat or neglected her) and they were 100% illiterate as well as poor. I know before I was born she did a number of different drugs, but now she is in a great relationship. My step dad does a lot for her, she has a lot of material things, and I'm always calling her, trying to make time for us to do things together when I come back home and more. But she is always putting down myself, my brother and my real dad.And putting herself before us. She puts down anything I do well at, and when I fail, throws it in my face. The same with my brother.

Also- I've tried to talk to her and tell her how it makes me feel when she never wants to hang out with me but she blames her diseases (fibromialgia and renods) sorry I don't know the spelling. She also then gets super-sensitive and says "So I never do anything for you?" And makes me feel like I'm being ungreatful. I just want her to go shopping with me.. but she doesn't have to buy me anything. And when I succede at something great for her to be happy for me and with me, and for her to love me the way I love her. I don't think she knows she's doing it though.

Answer 1

There are some people in the world who enjoy being miserable. Your mother is one of them. You can not change her. Don't let her ruin your life. Ask her to go places with you, share yourself with her but ignore all the negative things she says. Do things and be successful for you . Support yourself and don't expect anything from your mother. You are a good daughter, too bad she can't see it. There is always hope that she will change, just don't sit around waiting for it.

Answer 2

Your mother sounds like a classic "child of an alcoholic". She probably won't seek out help, but you can. There are 12step programs for people effected by someone in their lives who are/were drug users or drunks. Adult Children of Alcoholics is easily located on the web. You might want to check it out for you and your brother.

Answer 3

hi,
my mom is similar compared to yours. She puts everyone down, nothing is ever good enough. She has had a rough life, her first husband drank and beat her, he also cheated on her. She finally got enough nerve to divorce him. She met my father, had me. He drank he never beat her though.
She never sees anything as her fault, she never aplogizes for anything she ever says.
This is my opinion, and you can take it for what you will.
People that live lives like that are so calloused to their own hurt and pain, they take it out on other people including their own children.
And being their children, we look up to are parents when we are very young and impresionable, looking up to them for guidance. But, when there is no guidance and all you nhear is that your doing wrong........what is your outlook on life going to be? My mom still talks down about me, i have 2 daughters. But i vow, too never talk down to my children or make them feel worthless about themselves. If i put that in their minds, that they would never amount to anything, sooner or later they would believe it, and live it.
People like this are this way because of not filling that emptiness within them, they are worth something.
Like your saying, you love your mom. I love my mom too. But do they love their selves? I can say for my mom, no she doesn't.
What she is saying is no reflection on you or your brother, it may seem like it but trust me, it isn't.
She just has an emptiness within herself that she can't fulfill.
that's why she is putting herself first. I hate too hear this, i hope the best for you and your brother.

Take care, i'll be praying for you both.

Answer 4

If she is a self centered person you probably will not change her. It could be that you have to accept who she is and stop expecting any more from her than she will give.
I have Fibromyalgia too. I take Guaifenesin for my fibromyalgia. Here is a website about the medicine and how to take it.
www.fibromyalgiatreatment.com
Also here is a book.....
''What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Fibromyalgia'' by Dr. Paul St. Amand.