So my fiancee (now boyfriend) and I were set to get married may 24 2008. Dress is bought, hall is paid for yada yada ya... and now unfortunately our funding for it has been messed up so now we have absolutely no money for the wedding. So it is now postponed for at least 3 years. How do I handle this? Now we cant stop fighting and I spent all day crying my eyes out at work... I dunno what to do. Our parents won't let us get married without the big ceremony for our families to be there at least (which totals about 100 guests) and really I know I am an adult and don't have to listen but it would mean the world to me if they were there. Please help me get through this. I don't know who to talk to.
2007-12-06 14:02:07 · 21 answers · asked by ? 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
It has to be for 3 years because he is getting deployed next year unfortunately =( i have been dreaming of the wedding i had planned since i was a little girl. Its so hard! thanks everyone for your support.
2007-12-06 14:36:44 · update #1
Oh my....I'm so sorry for you. I know you have been posting questions for a while and I could feel your excitement....now your disappointment. I'm sorry.
Why 3 years? That's a long time.
I'm not understanding your families "won't let us get married without the big ceremony" thing......ummmmmm whose life is it?
I'm not saying to shut your parents out....but can there be a plan B? If it was planned for May, you haven't sent your invitations yet....can it possibly be scaled back to just immediate family. Something really simple....a ceremony and a small family and select friends reception. And...are either of the parents willing to help out?
Again, I'm sorry. I would still want my wedding...even if it was just the two of you.
2007-12-06 14:20:57 · answer #1 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that if your parents are insisting on a big wedding, then they should certainly help with the expenses. If that is not possible, have the wedding that you can afford even if it's small. It should be something you talk to each other about happily - not fighting about it. Just make a decision and stick to it. If you're old enough to get married, you should be able to do it the way you want and can afford. You should not start out in deep debt and fighting about it. You can have a really nice and beautiful wedding on a small budget. For instance, for an afternoon wedding, you would not have to serve a meal or even have a bar or band. Cake and punch could be served. Don't let your dress go to waste...
Good Luck and Blessings!
2007-12-06 22:10:01 · answer #2 · answered by NanaJ 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Mrs. WC here.
I would have loved to have a huge wedding, but finances didn't allow for it. Didn't mean we weren't married, or that we didn't love each other.
I agree that if both sets of parents are insistant on a big wedding, then they need to cough up some money. Otherwise, tell them that only close friends and relatives will be invited to the wedding. It's customary for the brides FAMILY (meaning parents) to pay for the wedding, not the couple. Maybe there are cuts you could make in your wedding & reception. Simpler food, flowers, etc.
However, if postponing the wedding is causing so much stress in your relationship, maybe you better look at the relationship again.
2007-12-06 22:26:37 · answer #3 · answered by william c 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear about your predicament. But as heart broken and disappointed as you are, know that this is just one small bump in your relationship. The real test is going to be how you handle yourself through it all. I am not saying it will be easy, but by holding your head up high and keeping your wits about you, you will prove to everyone that you are indeed an adult that is capable of making decisions that are right for you and your man.
Is there any way you can generate some funds to pay for the wedding? Maybe the two of you can pick up a part-time second job? Do some baby sitting? house cleaning?
2007-12-06 22:32:51 · answer #4 · answered by Benji's Mommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey...you are an adult. If the two of you love each other. Get married now. Have a renewal service in 3 yrs when everyone can be there. Why put love on hold for money? If you two can make it together financialy (excluding the wedding) then go ahead! The ceremony is just for fun, the real deal are the vowels.
2007-12-06 22:08:29 · answer #5 · answered by Rose 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My priest said something very powerful to my fiance and I during our pre-marriage talks -- your wedding is not the 20 minute ceremony when you stand up in front of your friends and family. Your wedding occurs over the period of weeks or months before you get married when you talk about your future; your family plans; your goals, dreams and ideas. The ceremony is just the celebration of what you have already realized in your hearts.
Have your marriage celebration! Having a big party doesn't make you any more (or less) married... Good luck to you both!
2007-12-06 23:09:39 · answer #6 · answered by alurllyn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would just get married through a judge, then have a big wedding when u have the money. No sense of putting yourself in debt. And by the way, i would ask your parents what they are paying for, seeing how the bride's parents are supposed to pay for the wedding. (most of the time) They shouldn't be making you feel guilty or unhappy at a time like this. Its your day not theirs, tell them to pay if they want a big ceremony!
2007-12-07 01:41:27 · answer #7 · answered by ♥Kristen♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are basing your marriage on old fashion tradition then your father is responsible for the cost of the wedding. If he can't pay for it at this time then he has nothing to say about you two getting married! A word to the wise if I may? You're a adult and so is your fiance, you want to be together as husband and wife, so get your boyfriend (fiance) and get married by a justice of the peace in the courthouse. Remember this isn't your parents wedding it's yours, so they have nothing to say about delaying your wedding day. Is this what your mothers father did when (your mother and father) they got married? I kinda doubt it; Best of luck to you both!
2007-12-06 23:07:36 · answer #8 · answered by beamer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as you and your groom are at the wedding the rest can go to hell. Don't spend your time trying to please people as family should stand by you no matter what and if they want this big wedding then let them pay for it.
Live for today and not tomorrow as who knows what will be in three years time.
I know I have spent most of my life running around after my parents and believe me it's not much of a life.
Get married on the beach, in a park, or garden. Have a bbq reception and just enjoy the day with friends who care and not a whole pile of relo's who you see once a year.
2007-12-06 22:07:04 · answer #9 · answered by auburn 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
you are old enough you can go ahead and get married now if ya want and when he comes home plan a home coming and a wedding reception party at that time, you can also renew your vows (so you can wear the dress)
everyone thinks they need to big expensive in your face wedding. it's one day. you can have a nice wedding that you don't spend all your money on.
it makes no sense to spend so much money on something that can put you in debt, that is no way to start a life together.
2007-12-06 23:57:26 · answer #10 · answered by jeanniep 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋