How long is too long to wait for my boyfriend to be ready to get married??

Question

My bf and I have been dating for the past 6 years. Recently, we have been having a lot of problems around the whole marriage issue. I am definitely ready to spend the rest of my life with him, but he is very focused on medical school, and cannot give me any insight as to when he thinks he can be ready to have a life with me. I don't want to lose him because I love him, and I cannot picture myself with anyone else, but at the same time, I don't know how long I can wait to become more of a priority in his life. Any help would be great...

Answer 1

I hate to say this, and many people will not agree but here goes. you say you don't know how long you can wait to be a priority in his life, after six years together this seems quite odd. You must realize that he has internships and a career that will most likely always come first. You will either have to except this and support him OR leave. As a family support group leader for a squadran of Air Force women, I have seen this so many times. These types of careers require thier 100% attention and dedication and wives and often husbands need to understand that. This would be a good time for you to focus on your education or career. If you wait it out it might be worth it. If you leave you may meet someone who does make you a priority in your life, but has less of a career. Find the balance and make a choice. BUT dont put it all on him and dont make him choose between you and his career. Remember a supportive spouse takes the good with the bad. Good luck!

Answer 2

This is a tough one, because med school is a huge commitment, and it doesn't really leave much time for a person to have a relationship and really focus much on the other person and the other person's needs. And even after he gets through with med school, he will still be working ridiculously hard with interships and residencies.

It is really hard when one person is ready and thinking about marriage, when the other person is almost entirely focused on a different goal. The thing is, he is being very honest with you about not knowing when he will be ready - at least he is not lying to you or jerking your chain. The other thing is that marriage, just by itself, does not really get you anywhere if the two people involved are not in the same place. So, even if he were to consent to marry you tomorrow, your real expectations probably still would not be met, because you would still not be his priority. I know that you see this, in your heart of hearts.

The only person who can really answer how long is too long, is you. I know that seems like a cop-out, but it is true - I remember being in a situation with someone where marriage was my goal - but my BF at the time was in a big pickle financially, and he had other things he had to deal with that were consuming him. Even though I was a very independent person, and I thought I did not need that much attention, it just got to the point where it felt like I had no relationship at all - so why bother being in it? I felt that I was just getting older and older with no end in sight, and that it was better to end it. For me, it was a huge blessing, because I learned that he had probably experienced a change of heart but did not have the courage to tell me. But that was what worked for me. It was not easy to do, but in the long run it was best for me.

You might want to consider taking a break from him. Since you have been together for 6 years, it is natural that you can't picture yourself with someone else, but that does not mean that there may not be someone else that is perfectly suitable out there for you. In any case, simply focusing on marriage alone will be fruitless. Good luck, whatever you choose! You will need strength either way.

Answer 3

You haven't mentioned how much longer he needs to be attending medical school for. Maybe he considers medical school and planning a wedding just too much at the moment. Both are very hard working and time consuming. I think it would be better to wait until he has finished. If it wasn't for medical school I would think that 6 years is a long time to wait already but he seems to have a valid reason. I am sure he wants to marry you but it may be at al later time in his life. I think you should wait. You have said that you love him, want to spend the rest of your life with him and that you couldn't see yourself with anyone else which obviously means he is worth the wait.

Answer 4

wow...this is a tough one...I guess it depends how old you are and what point you are at in your life also if your somewhat finantially ready. I have been with my b/f for 3 years, but i am still in college also...and I want to wait at least until i am done. Once in a while marriage comes up, but i am just waiting for the right time. I know what you mean though by feeling not important enough to make a decision...you guys could at least get engaged and then have the wedding a year or two from now

Answer 5

Unless you're Mormon, which it seems you're not since you're living with him, you're pushing it. Men don't start maturing til they're about 30. They don't start seriously thinking marriage and family til they're 35. You will go thru some emotional changes as well between now and 30, you may find he may not be the one. If he hasn't started talking long term details about the future and you guys don't start saving up for a wedding and family by the time you're 25, you might not have a future together. If you start saving up, keep your accounts seperate-keep your own bank checking account, have him keep his own bank account and keep a savings account under your name that you can both deposit saving for a wedding. Save the vacations til after you're married but more importantly, save for kid expenses first if that's more important.

Answer 6

You should not marry a DOCTOR! People who elect to become doctors are unique and dedicate to the cause. Unfortunately, doctors don't make good life long partners due to their dedication to helping other people. Ask yourself these questions: How will I feel if my husband is paged in the middle of the night to come to the hospital. Second, when your kids are growing up he probably will not have time for little league. If you decide to marry a doctor you have to accept him as a doctor not a husband.

Answer 7

Sorry, but in my books, you've already waited three years too long. If a mature couple dating aren't ready to marry after two or three years of serious dating, what are they waiting for.....
Love DOES conquer all, so it's never a matter of money, or time, etc.

Answer 8

Based on some things you said it sounds like you started dating in high school. I LIVED this situation and sort of pushed my husband to marry me simply b/c we had been dating 7 years. I've always kind of regretted the fact that I pushed him.

There really is no hurry. Don't focus on the number of years you've been together, the number of your friends who are getting married etc. Don't screw up a good relationship because of a meaningless number. Easier said than done I know.

Also, if you're the same age (or close) males mature more slowly than females, so keep that in mind too.

Try to keep it in perspective and good luck.

Answer 9

First of all, if you love him, do you want to get married to satisfy your mom and all your girlfriends? so they stop nagging you about it??

It shoulden't matter... but let me tell you, if you wait for him, and let him finish medical school, could take another 4-6 years.. he will make you soo happy, cause he can then afford to buy a house and support you and the kids on one income.....

But alas, being a doctor means very long hours, so you may not see him as much as you would like... love is hard.....

Answer 10

I don't think u can put a time frame on a relationship.I think it is best for u to evalute ur current relationship status and than make the decision whether u continue to wait for ur bf or whether u should move on.Just remember that if it is meant for u and ur bf to get married it will happen even if it seems like it won't and if it is not meant for u to get married than u won't.