After i lost my virginity to this guy, he seems to call me alot, wanting to hang out, but i feel that he only wants to have sex with me now. Now that i have feelings for him i can't help but get jealous of him flirting with girls all the time at school and not giving a sh** about me. I'm so hurt, lost, depressed... i feel like i'm giving my all for this bastard and i don't know why. Btw, i'm 21, he's 28, and we both go to cosmetology school (he's a barber student) so i see him everyday. I've tried talking to him about how i feel, and he told me he wants to get to know me, but i think he only wants me as a booty call. Basically why am i having such a hard time trying to lose this guy? Is it because i lost it to him? Please... someone help me deal with this situation.... i can't take it anymore!
2007-12-06 13:18:28 · 53 answers · asked by lazygrl5786 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Im 44 years old, so you KNOW I aint gonna BS you!!...the guy is using you....but there`s hope...find a guy that YOU like,start a real relationship & let the other guy fade into history. You`re gonna have many more boyfriends before this whole thing`s over!![I say warmly] You need to focus on passing state-board,not letting some guy treat your body like a carnival ride...welcome to adulthood....Dr. Fill
2007-12-06 13:24:47 · answer #1 · answered by Doctor Fill 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Certainly I don't know all the details of your situation, and I'm not psychologist, but here is what I think. The fact that he was your "first time" most definitely will hold some sort of power over you. Since you haven't been with anyone else, you have no way to compare your experiences. Also, it sounds like your relationship was never serious enough to support the emotional aspect of a sexual relationship, so that will be tough as well. I'm not saying you can't have a purely physical relationship with someone, but it seems like that isn't what you are looking for. As a guy, if I had feelings for a girl and wanted it to be more than a fling, I would pursue it. I can't speak for him, but if he hasn't tried making this an actual relationship, he probably isn't interested in doing so in the future. Telling him you want things to be more serious will probably only get fake results - he will act interested to keep the physical side of the relationship alive. In my opinion, the best thing to do is be straight with him - tell him you are not looking for a booty call and that you are done with him in that way. Have enough respect for yourself to know that someone out there will not treat you that way, and that he will be worth waiting for. Just because you've lost your virginity, it doesn't mean you have to keep doing things you don't want to do. I hope this helps. Good luck.
2007-12-06 13:26:46 · answer #2 · answered by Brent K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Basically relationships suck. And us girls get way too attatched way too easily. I think a big part of it is that you lost your virginity to him. Chances are you probably had feelings for him before you had sex. And then when you did have sex it was more than just sex. And it was your first time. If you can't handle it then you need to ignore him (not that that is going to be easy -- it wont). He seems like he doesn't know what he wants. He could just be an asshole. I dont know. And chances are neither do you. Do be safe. You dont want any diseases or babies. And if he IS an asshole? Dont worry; there ARE good guys out there.
2007-12-06 13:28:10 · answer #3 · answered by Carrie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As him how much he likes you to make sure your not a booty call and if you really love this guy then keep him. That's probably why your having such a hard time losing him. Over the years I have noticed that age doesn't matter my sister is 17 and dating a guy who is 21. She loves him very much and has been dating him for about two years now.
2007-12-06 13:22:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try to get over him and forget about him! He doesn't want to get to know you even if he says it-- he's out flirting with other girls!
He calls you a lot just to get more sex from you. I'm sorry you've fallen for this guy when he seems like such a jerk! Just start ignoring him and keep on telling yourself that he doesn't really care about you and that a relationship wouldn't go anywhere with him.
I hope you get over him without much trouble!
2007-12-06 13:26:22 · answer #5 · answered by jar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to stick up for this guy...
Your text seems to be a bit out of order. Most women who have waited to loose their virginity would start a conversation with, " I knew this guy for a long time and we really got to know each other, and he always wants to hang out... then I lost my virginity to him, now he flirts with others and ignores me." Something like that type of comment would warrant the "bastard" label you gave him. But you didn't write it that way...
Did he seduce you? Did he succeed because you were looking to be seduced? Or did things "just happen"? Based upon what you wrote, I doubt that you were waiting all these years to loose your virginity to HIM, and him alone. I see you are 21 - I half expect to read, "He got me drunk". I have heard that from my own friends as an excuse to why they had sex with a player/play-a, (whatever).
It doesn't appear, from what you wrote, that you were ever in a relationship. Hell, he doesn't even know you.
Tell him to quit calling you if you don't want to just be F-buddies. At 28, he should know that it is usually emotionally intense for the female to lose her virginity. Then again, it also seems like he just wants to play and have fun. Perhaps if you had gotten to know him better, you would have figured that out and kept your britches on.
Suck it up and accept that you made a mistake, and quit being co-dependent. Accept responsibility for your actions and that you used poor judgement. He wouldn't have taken your cherry without getting to know you if you hadn't blindly given it to him.
2007-12-06 14:02:32 · answer #6 · answered by Victoria 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what i can feel on ur ground is dont want to have sex but..........!!
rite?
ok, just try to do more outdoor exercise ( this is to make urself rest and stop doing unhealthy activity ) and at the same time u can make more friends which maybe can have good replacement beside the one u called bastard!
and try to say" next time" to him when he trying to call u for fun! by saying the such words more and more when answering him he will feel bored and change his aim on u!
knows y? i am a guys too! and also try not to bother him or jealous becoz this will worth him a chance to take advantage on u coz this will give him a strong injection on confident when asking u for that!
just make urself like normal and just think of the first time its to gain fun and experience and also the gift for urself!
but not for the rest!
just saying " i still having plenty of my choices being q on ur short list!!!
just stop thinking !!! and do more exercise and outdoor activity!
p/s hope this will help u!
2007-12-06 13:38:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, i know how you feel about i didn't lose my Virginiry to this guys and all he did is play me and just wont me as a booty call and it seem like the sames sh** my ex used to tell me so i know it will hurt but in mean time it will be the best for you and all ways hope i help you out.
2007-12-06 13:23:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's easy to get attached to your first (I'm dealing with the same thing) But in the end.. You can never settle! You have to do what is right for you.. don't compromise yourself or your emotions anyone and unless you see that they love you and will do anything for you.
There's someone out there that is willing to love you the way you want to be loved, treat you the way you want to be treated, and that will give you their all.. You just haven't found that person yet.. But you're young, and you have all the time in the world to search for that person.
I wish you the best!
2007-12-06 13:24:55 · answer #9 · answered by Dr. Jack Shepherd 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hey i am sorry about your situation but one thing that i can say is that i know what your going through i went through that for about a year the only thing that i could do to him that made him want me more than i wanted him was to start talking to other guys then instead of me being jealous he got jealous but by the time he came to me i was over him and with a new guy were friends now but he will always know what he lost
2007-12-06 13:25:48 · answer #10 · answered by Ree Ree 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋