Alcoholics. Blame the disease or the person?

Question

My mother is a relasped alcoholic. My dad became an Al-Anon facilitator after her original recovery over 15 years ago. I've learned alot about alcoholics, the "disease" , dependacy and co-dependancy, hating the disease and not the person. But Im just plain tired of letting her "disease" be her excuse for everything. No one is holding a gun to her head. She is repsponsable for all of her actions. She chooses to drink, the alcohol doesn't drink her. Its like blaming the liquor store for selling it. Im just tired of hearing "blame the disease," "Its not her. Its the booze." My dad helps a lot but sometimes it easier coming from someone outside the situation.

Sapper87:
I too am 25 and choose not to drink after seeing what it did to my mother and biological father ( that Im not in contact with ). It scares the hell out of me what it can do. I've done the tought love. She isnt aloud to see her grandson if Im there. I refuse to go to her apartment or bring my son there. I was having nightmares at age 23/24 about her everynight. I try soooo hard to be sympathetic.. but time after time of being lied to and let down, it gets hard to let the "disease" take the blame...

Arggg! Im a cronic mis-typer. I meant she can not see my son if Im not around. She cant have him by herself and its on my terms.

And yes, she comes from an alcoholic past. Her dad was one.

Answer 1

Well the reason people say that is because people don't choose to have a disease. Think about all the awful diseases out there... You have probably felt pity for people with some of these diseases. People feel pity for your mother because they feel she is as much a victim as other people with diseases. She does need to be responsible for herself by doing her part to FIGHT it though. Do you feel she is not holding up her end of the bargain in that regard perhaps?

Answer 2

Years ago, when I was getting my degrees in psychology, I will never forget a new study showing the brain of an 8 year old boy. His father was in his thirties and an alcoholic. Guess what? His brain and his sons looked alike. Pretty darn scary, but it proved something, if you are the son or daughter of an alcoholic, you are predisposed to becoming one, even with one drink.

Having said that, the "disease" thing began so than insurance companies would cover some of the recovery expenses for the large number of alcoholics.

If you don't drink or do drugs, good for you, saving yourself the very real possibility of becoming addicted.

As for your mom, has she ever gone in for extensive (weekly) psychological counseling. My guess is she comes from an alcoholic family and went through hell as a kid. I know it's hard, but try to disengage yourself from her drama.

Maybe one day she'll be able to get her act together. Have you and your family tried intervention? Support groups? Where is her sponsor that provides support and guidance when she feels like wavering?

Just some things to think about. Live your own life and rise above what your mom has been. Take care.

Answer 3

I hear you. Doesn't really seem like a disease in the truest sense of the word. Don't feel the same way about them as I do a diabetic.

I think alcoholism starts as a choice, and a set of bad choices. It does take over in a sense however and at that point, while it may not seem like a disease, it is TREATABLE like a disease.

Hope that helps.

Answer 4

My dad was a "mean" alcoholic (I say was, because he is dead now), His legacy was a son that left home @14 (me), and another son who hung in, and put up with his BS (my younger brother). My brother still hates my dad, myself, I *think* he did the best he could with the cards he was dealt.
I am not going to give you any BS stories. It seems that liquor seems to call to some folks, others it doesn't bother, I have no answers, or excuses, as to why. It just seems some folks are "wired" that way.

Answer 5

Saying the person is weak because of their addiction is idiotic. It is the person, not the disease, but it being an "addiction" means it is incredibly hard to get out of. It is almost fully the person though. There are plenty of programs to help with that sort of thing, it just takes the will to want to get out of it, As it is incredibly hard to stop on your own.

Answer 6

I blame the person for ever trying it knowing what it could do to them. Ive never drink in my life im 25 but my mom was an alcoholic.

Answer 7

I have divorced two alcoholics. could not handle it one more day. I too felt they chose the alcohol above everything and everybody. They tried to quit and then would hide it until I found out so the lying was like a double whammy. You have to choose if you can put up with it or not.

Answer 8

An alcohol addiction is a horrible, horrible disease and it takes a very strong person to overcome it. And a very strong family to provide support and learn how to deal with it themselves.

But that person has to take control of their disease and take charge of their behaviors, they can't use it as a contant excuse for their actions.

Answer 9

Any form of addiction is tough. I understand your frustration, but I'm sure you're mother would give anything to just stop drinking and lead a normal life. I myself have gone through addiction, I hated it I would have done anything to stop, but it's just not that easy. It took a lot of will power and dedication but I finally kicked the habit. Unfortunately some people go their whole lives with their addiction and eventually die from it. To be honest you can't really understand any addiction unless you yourself have succumb to it.

Answer 10

I believe its the person, and people found that it is a justifiable excuse for being able to have fun or get away with something. Any person who wants to be responsible has the capacity to not drink. I mean you have to go to the store or liquor store to drink. It does not get you high and it just harms your body. I will always believe its just and excuse for people to do harm to themselves and others.